1. Privacy goes right out the window. Bathroom doors stop shutting. Hemorrhoid cream and Vagisil appear on a shared grocery list. You ask questions like, “Can you check out my vagina and tell me if you see redness or something?” It’s inevitable, I guess.
2. Dreams of the future become rooted in “we” and “us.” You ask, “Where will we live?” because if your partner can’t come, you’re not interested.
3. Discussing said dreams – future home, number of offspring, kids’ names, etc. – becomes a shameless pastime. There’s no fear of judgment. No shame. No games. You both know you’re forever.
4. Obsessing over personal hygiene becomes a thing of the past. He’s seeing you without any makeup? Whatever. Haven’t shaved your legs in a week or two? No big deal.
5. As far as your in and outboxes are concerned, he/she outnumbers other senders and recipients at least ten times over.
6. “Movie nights” become a very, very preeminent part of your relationship.
7. When you get together with friends, you have zero gossip to contribute regarding your relationship. While they’re sharing stories of screwing this person and regretting that person, you can only nod, silently thanking the stars for your steadfast partner. Some may say your relationship is boring, but you’re perfectly happy to head home and snuggle up with your drama-free sweetheart.
8. Your collection of pictures together is, by now, incredibly extensive. There are so many, in fact, that if you were to display all of them at once you’d look nothing short of a creepy stalker freak.
9. You share memories about everything. Without too much thought you can link any place, song or inanimate object to your significant other. Cats, carnations, canvas, clovers and culinary arts – yep. A memory for every random little thing.
10. When you’re pissed, groggy or feel – for whatever reason – like total shit, your partner can look at you and say, “I know what you need right now…” It’s uncanny really how he/she can distinguish the “need pizza” from the “need a hug” moments.
11. You can determine – in mere seconds – what your beau is eyeing up on a restaurant menu.
12. Despite leading perfectly functional, individual lives, you become one. You’re suddenly capable of spouting off football terminology (who thought that day would come?) while he can seamlessly sing along to 1989.
13. Any ex-related jealously has been properly dealt with and extinguished (if it ever existed at all).
14. Work becomes a prevailing topic of conversation. Consequently, you come to recognize your partner’s coworkers by name, personality and mannerisms even when you’ve only met them face-to-face a small handful of times.
15. He/she is the first (and only) person to receive a text when you clog a toilet.
16. Friends ask for advice regarding their new relationships and it’s incredibly hard to relate. It’s not like you can even remember meeting your partner’s parents or way back when you cared about what you wore on dates.
17. You’re comfortable enough to admit it: “As much as I love you and cuddling with you and being with you, I hate sleeping with you. You steal every single square inch of blanket, scratch me with your toenails and have unspeakable morning breath.”
18. You can’t help but miss the feeling of falling in love, back when things were mysterious, unpredictable and exciting. As you watch your friends experience the amazing rollercoaster that is learning someone new, you observe with twinges of jealously. At the end of the day, however, you know you wouldn’t trade your seasoned love for anything.