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11 Reasons Why You’re Struggling To Find Love

1. You haven’t found love in yourself yet.

Are you in love with yourself? That’s the most important question to ask yourself. Maybe you haven’t spent enough time with yourself. It’s possible that you’re spending all of your time searching for love outside of yourself and you’re failing to search inside of yourself. It’s hard to find love when you haven’t found love within. When you spend time being introspective, you learn about who you are, what you want, and you know your worth. When you love yourself, you know what you deserve and you refuse to settle for less. Learn to love all the parts of yourself, even your imperfections. Give yourself love before you seek it from another. That way, you’ll only accept real love.

2. You’re afraid of love.

You can’t get what you fear. A lot of us fear what we want the most. If we live this way, how can we attract what’s good for us? If we live this way, how can we ever get what is best for us? We can’t. Perhaps you’ve been heartbroken before. Perhaps you’re scared of being vulnerable because you don’t want to get hurt. Perhaps you don’t want to risk losing it all again. But did you really lose it all when there is so much more to gain? You lost what wasn’t for you. You need to learn to get rid of the fear so that love can grow and thrive. Throw water on the seed, not fear.

3. You’re not giving anyone a chance.

How will you find love if you’re not giving anyone a chance? You won’t. You may be afraid to give anyone a chance because you fear choosing someone who isn’t for you. You may fear choosing someone who is wrong for your heart. You need to let go of control. You can’t see the future. However, you can see the red flags. When you notice red flags, don’t stay. Instead, you must leave. You need to give people a chance in order to see what color the flags are, though. Make sure you’re not trying to paint green flags red.

4. You’re forcing connections.

Why are you holding on to that person when you’re sure that he or she isn’t the one for you? You can’t change anyone to fit into what you want them to be, regardless of whether you believe it’s right or wrong. And, you shouldn’t want to. You shouldn’t love someone’s potential. Sometimes, we see the good that a person can be, but they have to see it themselves. You can’t force it on them. However, it’s important to know that your partner should elevate you to an even better self than you already are. Some things will change, but you can’t force it. It has to be natural. There is someone out there who is for you. You won’t find love if you try to force anyone to give it to you. Someone who is for you will willingly give it to you without you having to constantly ask. Their mouth won’t just speak it. Their actions will show it.

5. You’re too focused on finding a partner.

If you’re not living your own life, then you’re not working on being your best self. When you revolve everything around finding the one, you won’t find the highest form of love that way. The highest form of love wants you to be your best self.

6. You’re not setting boundaries.

It’s important to let the other person know your boundaries and to enforce them. While forgiveness is important in any relationship, someone who loves you will respect your boundaries and not cross them. You can’t expect to find love if you keep forgiving someone who doesn’t respect you and who repeatedly crosses your boundaries. At that point, it’s intentional.

7. You think that you’ll find someone who is perfect.

No one is perfect. We have to remember that everyone is human. Your partner is human. You’re not building a robot to fit your every single need. You will find someone who is perfect for you, but they won’t be this perfect being. We all come with flaws.

8. You’re too closed off.

This one is simple: You need to be vulnerable if you want to find love. Don’t be afraid of being open. Speak your heart.

9. You’re too focused on the surface.

Love is an intangible force. If you’re heavily focused on what lies on the surface, you won’t find love. Are you even looking for love if that’s all you are concerned with? If you’re only choosing people based on their appearance and material possessions, then you’re not loving their soul. Therefore, you aren’t really looking for love. Love lives in the soul always.

10. You jump into situations too quickly without thinking about what’s best for you.

Sometimes you want love so bad that it’s tempting to jump into the arms of someone—anyone. You can’t do that. When you jump into situations too fast, you’re just trying to fill a void and trying to find temporary fulfillment. This will never give you what you need in love. Before jumping into anything, it’s important to think about what’s important to you. Do you share the same interests? Do both of you elevate on the same level mentally, spiritually, and emotionally? It’s draining to constantly have to wait for the other person to catch up to you. You’re being emptied and you’re not getting filled up. Don’t settle for this kind of “love.” Real love will help you grow. If you settle for anything else, you’ll never be fulfilled. Go towards what fills you up. It’s all about reciprocation.

11. You’re afraid of rejection.

Go after what you want. If you want to find love, you’re going to run into what isn’t love. Whenever something rejects you, you’re only getting redirected to love.

About the author

Margaritë Camaj

Attorney | Author | Writer | Songwriter| NYC