When I was six years old, I had a conversation with my mother that changed my life. What was a typical day for me turned into a unique dream that I am still living today. This day was the day my mother told me that I was adopted and that she was not my biological mother. As a young child I didn’t know what biological meant, so she said blood mother. I asked her who my parents were. She gave me much information on my mother but didn’t know who my biological father was, she also explained that my biological mother had passed away when I was very young. When I asked how she died she told me that my biological mother was on drugs and through using had contracted a special blood condition that made her sick and she was trying to get better and that is why she passed.
I learned when I was older that she passed away at her home from what was believed to be an overdose. She then went on to explain that I also had this special blood condition and that I had to take very special care of myself because if I didn’t it could make me sick and that it could make others sick as well. If you’re reading this then maybe, you are already guessing what this special blood condition is or maybe you don’t know. I didn’t know the proper term at six years old. All I knew was that my mother was very serious when she told me, and I knew I had special blood and I had to take care of myself and take the medications she gave me. Later, I learned the name of this certain condition is a disease called Human Immunodeficiency Virus, commonly known as HIV.
Before my mother told me of the disease, I always felt different because I thought it was strange that she would often take me to visit the doctor’s office and not any of my siblings. Why was I going so often and not them? After I learned I had special blood this somewhat answered my questions. My mother then went on to tell me that I cannot drink after other people, and I shouldn’t allow anyone to drink after me. That if I am ever bleeding, I need to make sure I step away from others because if my blood gets on others then they are at risk of getting this special blood. I had to keep my toothbrush away from all my siblings so no one would mistakenly use it because if they did, they may be at risk of catching it. Mind you this is over 20 years ago when much of the way HIV passed to other people was known. Back then some of the scientists and doctors thought that HIV was in the saliva, and I was told as I grew a little older to not kiss any girls because I could put her at risk. So as a young child I learned fast to be responsible and keep myself, along with others near me, safe.
It was a few years later when I learned that this condition was called HIV and that I was not to tell anyone. The only ones that knew were my direct family and our medical providers. It was a secret that I had to always keep with me and my direct family. As I approached the ages of an older adolescent, my parents and I would discuss my future, my life as an adult, getting married and having children. At that time, my mother and doctors would advise me that when I grow up, I would probably have to find someone that has HIV as well so that way I wouldn’t pass it to someone. Because this was a time when the world believed that if one is HIV positive and is intimate with someone unprotected then the other person would automatically contract the virus. Unfortunately, most of the world still believes that today but that is not the case.
So, in my earlier years growing up I assumed I would marry a lady with HIV as well. Then when I turned about 14 or 15 years old, my doctors informed me that if I was undetectable then it is very unlikely another person would contract the virus and I learned that I could marry someone who isn’t HIV positive. I wasn’t against the fact of marrying someone with HIV, I thought it made sense because then she could understand me. But as a young child I thought “there are a lot of people on this earth, this means I have to find someone I love, who feels the same about me and that is HIV positive”. I then thought this was going to be quite challenging.
However, I met my wife when I was around 20 years old (10 years ago) who didn’t have HIV and still doesn’t. After getting to know each other for a couple of months I felt that I could trust her, and I shared with her my story of being HIV positive. I explained to her that I was diagnosed at birth, how the virus works and that if I remain undetectable then its almost impossible for me to transmit the virus. My wife cried and said that she will walk this journey with me, and we will find a cure one day.
Today I have been married for nine years and I have two beautiful children, a girl and boy that are all negative. I have my challenges with this disease– I would be lying if I said I didn’t. However, I will not allow a virus to stop me from living my life the best way I can.
The current medications that they have called “Antiviral Medications” are able to keep the HIV virus at bay so individuals can live with it and have children without passing the virus to them. When one takes their medications, they reach a level called “undetectable,” which basically means that HIV is still dormant in their cells, but the numbers are so low it cannot be transmitted to others according to the CDC.
Some challenges I face with this virus is sometimes I do get those annoying canker sores and sometimes the medications have strong side effects. Some people I know take them and don’t experience any side effects and others like me experience side effects such as nausea, headaches, body aches, dizziness etc. I also workout and keep a healthy diet because I am an advocate that your health is your greatest wealth. I even do a lot of natural and holistic healing remedies because I do believe this disease will be cured one day. Of course, I don’t recommend anyone do anything like that unless they have done thorough research and consulted with a medical practitioner because HIV is a tricky disease, but it’s what works for me.
I didn’t choose this life; God chose it for me. Maybe he permitted me to be born with this disease so I can continue to inspire others living with this virus or other similar issues and to help end the stigma that HIV has. Regardless of whatever his will is, I have many reasons to be thankful rather than to be sad. My name is Marcus Muhammad, I am 30 years young, and I was diagnosed at birth as HIV positive.
