28 Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Or Wife Has Cheated, Is Cheating, Or Is About To Cheat

Ivan Karasev
Ivan Karasev

I know what being cheated on feels like.

You feel betrayed when the woman you love has been with another guy and you get the ugliest feeling in the pit of your stomach just thinking about it.

I’ve walked in on it happening, found out through friends, found out through calls and text messages that I wasn’t supposed to see, and even had an ex-girlfriend tell me to my face months after we broke up that she was cheating on me while I was out of town.

Being cheated on is never a good feeling and it causes you to question everything about yourself – including your own life.

It makes you question your past actions, where your life is headed in terms of dating and relationships, and if you’ll ever be able to meet a great woman who is actually faithful and can resist temptation.

I wrote this article because when we get cheated on, we contemplate and wonder why.

Why did this happen?

What did I go wrong?

What is wrong with me as a person?

Why do I keep meeting the wrong women?

What was better about the other guy?

Why didn’t the woman I loved with all my heart and that I was loyal to show me the same courtesy in return?

The questions pile up and it’s hard to find answers.

The article is a compiled list of what I personally believe are the most common reasons that girlfriends and wives cheat on their boyfriends and husbands.

Cheating is Too Common Nowadays

This article called Do Men Cheat More Than Women? says 17% of marriages end in divorce because of infidelity and cheating.

Nearly 1 in 5.

If the numbers are that high in marriage, there’s an almost definite possibility the numbers are higher in basic relationships and engagements.

Another article called Facts and Statistics About Infidelity estimates that “roughly 30% to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage.”

Data presented by Dr. Atkins at the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies shows that 44 years ago, in 1972, 12% of men and 7% of women admitted to cheating.

Fast forward to today, those numbers have quintupled on average.

I’m not telling you this to make you lose hope in having a relationship or marriage based on trust and loyalty.

I’m just informing you that cheating is on the rise and unfortunately becoming incredibly common.

There Are Two Sides to Every Story

When she cheats, the first instinct is to think that because our girlfriend or wife cheated, she must be a “slut”, “bitch”, “whore”, or a just a monster of a person.

But times and situations are becoming more complicated and it’s just not that simple or wise to jump to such a conclusion right away.

This article is not to bash women or make them the enemy or some kind of hostile threat to us as men.

We’re all human and we all make mistakes – but I’m also not defending cheating and cheaters.

I believe cheating is a horrible thing to do and it downgrades your character and your value as a person. I believe it diminishes your spirit.

BUT, there are two sides to every story and a lot of women who would NEVER cheat in a million years are pushed to cheat because they’re not perfect and often finding themselves in incredibly stressful and complicated situations where there is “no way out”.

In fact, I’ve cheated once in my life when I kind of felt I had no other option.

When I was 19 or 20, I cheated on my girlfriend who I loved more than anything in the world.

Not because I’m a sick bastard, but because I was in a nightmare of a situation and couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I was in a verbally abusive relationship with a crazy woman who wouldn’t let me leave, yet she treated me like garbage.

While still in that relationship, I met a hot, sweet, and caring woman who made me feel “normal” again and I instantly dove right in it because it was the “relief” (no pun intended) I was needing.

It helped me keep my sanity.

Do I believe it was it wrong? Yes.

Do I feel bad about it?
A little.

Would I do it again? Probably not.

BUT it happened and nothing anyone does can change that.

In today’s society, women find themselves in these exact situations with one guy after another because:

1. Few men are actually being raised to become real men and gentleman like the “old days”.

2. Few men are being raised to be respectful, loyal, and trustworthy.

3. Men are not being taught to understand the difference between the concepts of “right” and “wrong” and how their actions hurt people.

4. Women are making themselves MUCH EASIER to sleep with than ever before so there’s more temptation.

5. It’s now normal and no longer “taboo” to be promiscuous and have lots of sexual partners. Things like reality TV and today’s music do nothing but promote this behavior and “mindset”.

So what I’m saying is that women don’t have it any easier than us.

We’re dealing with crazier women, they’re dealing with crazier guys.

Our society is wilder and crazier now and the ideals and conservative “mindsets” we had in the 1800’s and even up until the 1960’s just don’t really exist anymore.

It’s my opinion that cheating and women being unfaithful is not always your fault, it’s not always HER fault, and it’s often a complicated mixture of events, scenarios, circumstances, and emotions that drive these actions.

Sometimes it IS your fault and sometimes it is HER fault.

But it’s not black and white.

There will always be lots of gray area.

Like I said, I don’t agree with cheating and I believe it’s wrong. But in some cases, I think depending on your perspective, it can be understandable.

Make sense?

So given my “infidelity theory”, here are 28 reasons I personally believe most women cheat and are unfaithful.

This list is from my own experience and what I’ve seen with my own eyes – not from what I’ve read on the internet, in books, or been told by people who know it all.

I’ve also had MANY woman open up to me and discuss their reasons for cheating and really go into detail as to their mindset and emotions while they were doing it.

1. You Treat Her Like Trash

verbal abuse cheating

Getting the woman you love to stick by your side and not do anything to hurt you is going to be pretty tough when you treat her like trash.

I’ll admit, many women who get treated shitty stick around because they’re constantly being challenged.

BUT, not all women are completely loyal to a guy who mistreats them.

Her mindset will be “Man, f*** this motherf*****!”

Loyalty is not automatic – it’s earned.

You can’t expect ANYONE to be loyal and trustworthy and if they don’t feel respected and treated well by you.

You can’t expect anyone not to stab you in the back or stay by your side if they don’t feel they’re being treated well.

If she doesn’t feel you’re treating her right and she’s sick of it, there’s a higher chance she might cheat.

2. She’s Revenge Cheating

She’s likely to cheat because she’s getting revenge for you cheating first.

  • She wants you to feel the way you made her feel when you cheated.
  • She wants you to feel the pain and the burn of knowing she was with another man besides you.
  • She wants you to know that your cheating will not go without consequence.

Am I saying this is justified or the right thing to do? Of course not.

But it happens.

The guy she’s maybe had her eye on but has stayed away from starts looking really appealing when she learns that you cheated on her because she wasn’t good enough for you.

Two wrongs and don’t make a right and you should never fight fire with gasoline.

But it happens.

She may still love you to the point where she doesn’t want to leave, but she’s going to “teach you a lesson” for cheating on her.

She’s going to want to get even.

3. She Cheated Because You’re Physically Abusive

When you’re putting your hands on her, beating her, choking her, slamming her against the wall, slapping her, pushing her, punching her, and physically abusing her, there’s a chance that she may cheat.

She might be too afraid you’ll seriously hurt her or even kill her if she leaves you forever, but if she sees the chance to see someone else who’s much nicer to her, she might take it.

Physical abuse is terrible.

It leads to her feeling hopeless and timid like a dog who gets kicked all the time.

When she’s feeling imprisoned, abused, and mistreated, she’s going to try to find a way out or a sense of relief from it all.

4. You’re Insanely Jealous and Always Accusing Her of Cheating

I remember WANTING to cheat because a girl I dated was so incredibly jealous that it drove me insane.

I had the mindset of, “You want to keep accusing me of cheating when I’m not? I’m gonna go do it just to make you happy!”

She develops the same mindset when you don’t trust her whatsoever but you want to stay being in a relationship and married to her.

I teach in my eBook How to Quit Being a Loser With Women that she’s less likely to cheat if you’re care free and encourage her to go out and have fun with her friends and she’s MORE likely to cheat when you’re insanely jealous and you don’t let her go anywhere because you don’t trust her.

It’s like if you tell a child NOT to run in the street, they’ll do it but if you tell them to run into the street and get ran over, they’ll stay away from it.

Accusing her of cheating and being afraid that she’ll cheat will make her more likely to do it.

5. She Can’t Get Away From You

When she wants to leave, tells you it’s over, but you simply won’t give up or let go, she’s more likely to cheat on purpose and find someone else.

When she says it’s over, let her go.

Don’t try to hold on.

Don’t beg her like a little girl.

Be a man, suck it up, and let the relationship go.

Trust me, I know it’s hard, but it’s what is usually best for the situation.

She’s more likely to NOT cheat and to think about trying again if you don’t hold her down or back from what she wants to do.

If you hold her back, like a rubber band, she’s going to build up so much energy and get so worked up trying to get away from you that she’ll run as far away as possible and she’ll never come back.

But if you say, “Ok that’s cool. I understand. See ya later”, she’s more likely to think, “Am I making a mistake?”

Holding on and forcing her to stay in a relationship or marriage that she doesn’t want will ruin everything forever and lead her to cheat on you.

6. She Cheated to Get the Attention You’re Not Giving Her

She’s human.

She needs attention.

She needs SOMEONE to be there. Someone to talk to. Someone to spend time with.

If you’re not giving her attention because you’re too busy playing video games, hanging out with your friends, or traveling for your job, she’s going to find the attention somewhere.

When I was an aircraft mechanic, there was something we called AIDS – Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome because we worked SO MANY HOURS that women would cheat or ask for a divorce.

They simply weren’t getting enough attention.

When she’s not getting enough attention from you, she might want to find it somewhere else.

7. She Cheats Because She Feels Unwanted, Unappreciated, and Unattractive

When you’re constantly staring at other women, putting her down, not acknowledging her efforts or accomplishments, and telling her she looks ugly, she’s likely to find someone who does the opposite and makes her feel better about herself.

She wants to feel special WITH YOU.

She wants to know you want her, appreciate her, and find her attractive.

She needs that from you as much as you need it from her.

When you’re not doing your job and some other guy shows up and makes her feel like the most beautiful and wonderful woman on the planet, she’s going to be swept off of her feet and feel VERY attracted to him.

He’s going to seem MUCH MORE appealing than you do.

Emotions will overcome her, make her feel good, and she’s going to make an emotional decision to cheat because of how she’s feeling rather than a logical decision.

8. She Feels the Relationship or Marriage Is Over

Sometimes the flame goes out and nothing can be done about it.

The attraction, love, and happiness is simply gone and she’s ready to move on.

When she’s feeling the relationship or marriage has run its course, she’s more likely to cheat and become unfaithful without feeling bad about it.

She’s less likely to feel guilt, remorse, or shame for cheating and stepping outside of the relationship or marriage.

When the relationship is dead, she’s going to move on to something that makes her “feel” something again and makes her feel alive again.

In my eBook How Attracting Women Really Works you’ll learn that women NEED to be “feeling” emotions with you and around you for it to spark attraction and look at you like you’re the only man in the world they want.

When things become dull and she’s no longer being flooded with emotions around you, she’s going to lose all interest in being with you.

It’s something that happens unconsciously and that she mostly can’t control.

9. Cheating Might Make Her Feel Young Again

woman in mirror

When we as men get up in age, we start doing things to feel young again.

It’s a mid-life crisis.

We start noticing we’re getting old and we want to squeeze out and relive the last few moments of our younger days or our youth.

As women get older and they know their child bearing years are coming to an end, they freak out too and want to feel younger again.

They begin to feel more unwanted and unattractive because they’re getting older.

They start looking at the younger women around them as better and more desirable than themselves.

Remember, the only thing many women have going for them is their looks and they’ve spent their whole life getting what and who they want because of their looks.

Their looks are the only thing that have kept them feeling happy, secure, content, and wanted.

So when they get older, the looks and the attention fade.

So to counteract this severe anxiety, they may feel the need to cheat with a younger man and reassure themselves that they ARE still attractive and sexy.

She may cheat to reassure herself that she still has the power to attract men other than you.

She’s not sure if you’re with her because you still find her very attractive or because she’s just there.

10. You Don’t Turn Her On and She’s No Longer Attracted to You

When you’ve lost your ability to turn her on or make her “feel” attraction for you, she’s more likely to cheat on you with someone who DOES make her feel those things.

Remember, she must “feel” emotions with you she’ll naturally become bored.

The relationships and marriages that stand the test of time usually last because the man doesn’t become dull, boring, or unattractive.

He keeps her on her toes, keeps her guessing, and keeps her feeling a lot of emotions.

11. You Let Yourself Go

It’s also possible that your girlfriend or wife cheated because she’s no longer physically attracted you.

Maybe you’ve gained 50 to 100 lbs. and she simply can’t deal with it.

Maybe you’ve let your hygiene go down the toilet and she can’t stand being within 3 feet of you because you smell gross.

Just because you have “someone” who loves you doesn’t mean you can just stop taking care of yourself and striving to look your best.

She’s still human and she still wants to be physically attracted to you as much as she wants to be mentally attracted to you.

Especially if she’s someone who takes great care of herself.

Another common thread among relationships and marriages that haven’t failed is that both partners are healthy and they take care of themselves.

She’s less likely to cheat on you when you do your best to take care of yourself.

12. You Became Boring and Dull

Being boring in general turns ANYONE off and makes them not even want to be your friend.

So in a relationship, if you become boring, dull, and predictable, she’s not going to be feeling anymore “excitement” in the relationship or marriage and she’s going to become more likely to cheat.

She’s not going to “feel” like she’s having fun with you.

She’s not going to feel like she can’t wait to spend the next 10 years, 20 years, or even the rest of her life with you.

She’s going to begin thinking of how fun you used to be and how she can get out of the relationship if it doesn’t get any better.

Or she’s going to be thinking of staying with you so you don’t get hurt but at the same time cheating on you with a guy she knows IS fun and exciting.

13. She Cheated So She Could Actually Have an Orgasm

To some women, having great sex and being able to orgasm is a BIG DEAL.


Not to all women, but to many it is.

Those who are used to having an orgasm or even multiple orgasms before they meet you might be harder to satisfy.

Not 100% your fault.

Some orgasm fast and easy, others it’s a marathon and you think you’re going to die trying to get the job done.

BUT, when you can make her orgasm like no man ever before, she’s less likely to cheat in my opinion.

If she’s faking it, it’s no fault of your own because there’s no way of knowing that you need improvement.

BUT if being able to orgasm and climax IS a big deal to her and you’re simply not able to do it, she may cheat.

She may want someone who is simply better in bed, knows how to hit the right spot, and can set off fireworks inside of her mind and body.

I’ve heard a lot of jokes throughout the years that if you can make her orgasm, you’ll never get rid of her and if you don’t want her sticking around and bothering you, then don’t make her orgasm.

14. She No Longer Wants to Be With You

When all feelings for you are gone and she just no longer cares for you whatsoever, she’s less likely to feel bad about cheating on you.

And yes she could simply dump you or divorce you if she no longer wanted to be with but sometimes she’ll stick around for more than one reason because women can be complicated and calculating.

Maybe she can’t afford to leave.

Maybe she’s staying for the kids.

Maybe she’s hoping you’ll improve or go back to being the man she met.

Maybe she’s waiting for someone else to come along.

Maybe she wants the title of being in a “relationship” or “married” rather than the title of being “single”.

To some women being single is humiliating and makes them feel lower than dirt so they’ll keep the title and just transfer to a new man.

If she no longer WANTS to be with you, but she cheats and then stays, she’s either waiting for you to make some changes or she’s making plans or waiting for the right time to leave.

15. Another Man Made Her Feel More Attractive, Special, and Sexier Than You Do

When you’re not making her feel like a real woman and making her feel attractive, sexy, and special, she’s going to become weaker, more vulnerable, and more responsive to another man who does – and more likely to cheat.

Another man coming into the picture and making her feel the way she wants YOU to make her feel is powerful because he’s giving her (emotionally) what she’s either wants, needs, missed, or has been craving from you for a while.

He’s scratching that “itch” for her.

Remember, women are human and they have needs too so it’s easy for them to become weak given that they’re on average more emotionally fragile than us as men.

Make her feel good about herself, attractive, sexy, and special and she’s less likely to cheat.

16. She’s Plain Bored

And there are some women out there who defy logic and explanation and they’ll cheat because they’re bored.

It’s not even close to being a good excuse but IT DOES HAPPEN.

Mama gets bored and thirsty and she sees a tall glass of water that she wants.

Maybe she’s stuck in the house all day.

Maybe she has nothing productive or interesting happening in her life.

Maybe she feels she’s headed nowhere in her current situation.

Whatever the reason, it’s not good enough to cheat out of boredom.

Some people are just mean, unthoughtful, uncaring, inconsiderate, and lack common decency.

This one probably isn’t your fault.

You just need to meet a woman who isn’t such an A-hole.

17. She Lacks Self-Control

Many women lack impulse control and they’re not able to just say “no” because their “inner child” is running the show.

Maturity is a big factor in being disciplined, controlling yourself, and delaying gratification to avoid disastrous consequences and potentially causing a lifetime of damage and hurt.

But some women just never grow up.

They never learn to be responsible.

They’re never left to clean up the mess that they make with their actions.

They’re never told just how much damage they’re causing with their reckless behavior.

Mommy and daddy have never held them accountable for any of their actions and consequently they never developed that little voice that tells them “this is super f***ed up and you shouldn’t be doing this!”

When her mind works like this and she never learned to be responsible, accountable, and remorseful for anything in her life, she’s very likely to cheat because she’s just a messed up person and not because you necessarily did anything wrong other than letting her fool you.

18. She’s Ovulating

According to a study in the Journal of Hormones and Behavior, she’s more likely to cheat or be unfaithful when she’s ovulating.

During ovulation, she twice as likely to cheat and step out on the relationship or marriage.

Also if you’re boring and you just don’t turn her on any more like I talked about earlier in this article, she’s more likely to be attracted to a much different type of man when she’s ovulating according to this article called Ovulating May Make Women More Critical Of ‘Unsexy’ Men (STUDY).

Women get hornier when they are ovulating and their bodies are telling them it’s time to reproduce.

If you’re aren’t doing everything you can to be more attractive, treat her right, and to make her feel attraction for you, then there’s a higher chance that she’s going to cheat during ovulation and when her body is telling her to make babies.

19. She Has Mental Problems

Some women are just messed up in the head from past experiences, personality or mental disorders, and even physical deformations or differences in their brain.

When this is the case, she doesn’t quite process actions that are right and wrong the same way you or any other “normal” person would.

She sees it very differently – especially if she fits into the category of having a Cluster B Type Personality Disorder where they have no remorse for their actions and they simply don’t understand what it is they did wrong.

They’re unable to place blame on themselves and instead they find believable reasons why it’s someone else’s fault and not their own.

Women with mental problems are women we want to help and support, especially if we love them, but it’s just an uphill battle that seems almost impossible to win.

If she’s been cheating and shows no remorse, blames others, and never shows that she feels bad about it, it could be because of this personality disorder.

Although there are MANY other disorders that can cause this, like being a Sociopath, I’ve seen this one to be pretty common through my research.

20. She’s Just Straight Up Dumb

She could just be REALLY dumb and simply doesn’t take the time to think about what consequences cheating is going to have on her life as well as yours.

Her being really dumb can be the result of her upbringing, lack of trying or effort, the people she surrounds herself with and the places she hangs out, as well as a severe lack in the brain department.

Some women have the light on but nobody’s home.

21. She’s Just Mean, Unthoughtful, Horrible and Can Care Less

middle finger cheating

Many women have nothing wrong with them mentally but they’re really unthoughtful and horrible when it comes to the feelings of others.

Sometimes they’re sociopaths who disregard social norms, the rights of others, and fail to feel remorse or guilt for anything they do.

Usually if she’s unthoughtful and a cheater, she has her “reasons” for the way she is and it’s almost impossible to show or tell her she’s wrong.

She’ll do what she wants, including cheating on a man who loves her, and the most you can do is just get away from her.

22. She’s Addicted to Sex

Being addicted to sex is a real thing and there are treatment centers, medication, and support groups for sex addicts.

According to this article Can Women Be Sex Addicts?, 8 – 12% of suffer from sexual addiction.

A lot of it is due to either early sexual abuse in their life, the prevalence of pornography and masturbation, or just from a disorder.

Her chances of cheating skyrocket when she’s a sex addict because more often than not, she can’t get enough to keep her happy very long.

Cheating is the only thing that will get her an extra “hit” of what she wants and needs.

23. She’s Been Using You For A Better Life

Your girlfriend or wife using you for a better life?

No way!

It happens more than you think.

How women have the stomach to stay with someone they don’t want is beyond me but there are A LOT of reasons this happens.

  • Money
  • Stability
  • Access to people and places
  • A nice home
  • Attention
  • To feed off of your status
  • To have a successful man by her side
  • Security and resources like health insurance
  • The title of “girlfriend” or “wife”

Why be single when she can use to get what she wants and needs, have sex with you once in a while, and just cheat on you the rest of the time?

Because women are programmed to seek resources and a higher quality of life.

That’s why women are naturally more attracted to physically well-built men with good bone structure than guys who are considered ugly or weak.

Their natural wiring tells them to seek these men because they’re more than likely better able to provide, protect, and keep them safe.

She has her resources, shelter, and ability to live her life WITH YOU and if she doesn’t have the sex life she wants with you, she’ll just cheat.

She’s not going to throw everything else away because she wants to do the “right thing”.

Of course, this isn’t ALL women.

Only the ones who use men to get what they want and then cheat on them.

24. She’s Only With You For the Kids

Many women want to avoid hurting the kids and splitting the family up, so they’ll cheat and become unfaithful because they’re no longer “in love”, but stay with the dad so the kids have both parents.

While I don’t agree with the cheating, I do agree that separation and divorce affect children on a deep level and it’s never a positive thing for them.

If she’s only with you to keep the family together, she’s more likely to cheat and betray the relationship or marriage.

25. She Thought You Wouldn’t Find Out

She might also cheat if you’re nowhere around and there’s little to no chance of you knowing about it.

Many of us do things that we know we shouldn’t be doing because there’s little risk of anyone finding out about it.

Same thing when she cheats.

If she knew you would find out, she probably wouldn’t cheat unless she just hated your guts and wanted you to know about it.

26. She Craves the Thrill and Rush of Cheating and Doing Something Really Bad

Often doing something that’s bad can give her a thrill and a rush that she can’t get from somewhere else.

It’s like when I used to egg houses and cars as a kid – yea I was a little jerk for doing it but nothing else brought that excitement and rush that came with doing something I knew I wasn’t supposed to be doing and then running for my life so I didn’t get caught.

That’s why a lot of women sleep with married men.

They’re getting a “thrill” and “rush” of doing something they know they shouldn’t.

There’s an element of danger and getting caught.

It’s not as boring.

27. She’s Not Ready to Settle Down but Thought She Was

One day she’s at work, at home, or out having a cup of coffee and she realizes she’s just not ready to do what she’s been doing.

She thought she was ready before, but now her gut, brain, and her heart are saying otherwise.

Because of this “unsureness” and insecurity, she’s more likely to cheat because it gets her out of feeling like she’s trapped in something she doesn’t want to be in.

Yes she can end the relationship or marriage first, I agree, BUT not all women do what’s right and instead they act on impulse.

28. You Just Don’t Make Her Happy Anymore

And last, she just simply isn’t happy with you anymore.

She tried, gave it all she had, and it’s just not working.

SHE WANTS to be happy with you but something isn’t making her happy anymore and she wants to run away as far as she can.

This tends to happen when she’s no longer feeling the attraction and emotion that she felt when she first met you.

She’s no longer being flooded with chemicals that make her feel really good.

Some women fall in love and get attached too fast and when the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship is over, they’re bored and no longer want to be in it.

She’s addicted to “falling in love” rather than being in it, maintaining it, and making it work for the long haul.

It’s a cycle that many go through and it’s only becoming more common.

So when she’s no longer getting the rush of chemicals from “falling in love”, she’s likely to cheat to get those feelings back.

This time, it’s just with someone else.


From my perspective and experience, cheating and being cheated on isn’t black and white.

There’s a lot of gray area.

It’s also not always YOUR fault and it’s not always her fault either.

arguing about cheating

Sometimes, even though cheating is considered very wrong, she has a justified or natural reason she did it.

It doesn’t always make the cheater a bad person.

It doesn’t always make you a loser if you get cheated on.

There’s usually fault on both sides or it’s the result of a complicated scenario, situation, or event.

I do believe cheating is wrong and no one should do it and as a man, I’d rather be hurt by being dumped or divorced than to be cheated on.

I’d rather be told that something is wrong up front than for the woman to just go and cheat.

But we don’t live in world where we get our way 100% of the time and not everything goes the way we think it “should” go.

We must learn to adapt to the way things work and the direction the world and society is heading rather than trying to change the world, change society, and change women. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Marc Summers

I’m here to educate you, teach you what I’ve learned from a lot of experience, and to save you from screwing up horribly and embarrassing yourself with the women you like.

More From Thought Catalog