1. Wear something spectacular that nobody else can see. Pretty underwear, a snakeskin belt, cartoon-themed socks. Put on something special that isn’t visible to the general public and just wear that sexiness for you to feel better. I have a pair of cerulean, silk panties that basically make my confidence yell “It’s Morphin’ Time!” and feel all heroic.
2. Recently a woman told me I was beautiful and it made me so much more confident for the rest of the day. I’d like to thank my mom for that, and suggest that all of you talk to your mother since, generally speaking, she’ll give you compliments if you fish for them. She created you so she’s wearing mom-goggles that create biases in your favor.
3. Look at middle school yearbooks, evaluating your face in various pictures. Then go to a mirror. Surely some aesthetic progress has been made. Ugliness peaks in those 3 years of puberty.
4. Watch videos of pretty people being awful human beings because it’s a great reminder that personality and the way you treat others is so much more important than physical appearance anyway. For example, rude, offensive comments made by a physically attractive, but not-so-precious on the inside Big Brother 15 contestant, Amanda.5. Rock sunglasses, a hat & a hoodie. When a good portion of your head and face are concealed, you’re only a few steps away from an entire mask, which should eradicate any concern over how you look. Yes, you may seem as if you’re headed to rob a Circle K, but large sunglasses make it somewhat glamorous. Picture a suspicious looking Kardashian.
6. Get a cute pet. According to studies that didn’t ever happen but probably should’ve, owning an adorable animal, such as a small, symmetrical faced puppy or a dwarf bunny can ease carry some of the load in your heavy pursuit of attractiveness. No exaggeration; I’ve seen huskies turn 4’s and 5’s into 7’s and 8’s.
7. Don’t watch any of the shows on The CW because everybody is perfect and has abs and defined jawlines and looks digitally rendered, which is impossible to recreate in real life.
8. Only meet people in dimly lit rooms. Movie theaters, bars, clubs – cosmic bowling and night time miniature golf are your best friends when you don’t feel confident in the details of your physical appearance.
9. Get your eyebrows done. Ladies AND the fellas who are instinctually going to shoot this idea down without considering – just try it. Something about a lack of excessive hair in the vicinity of your forehead makes you feel like a freshly detailed car probably would.
10. Only use footwear you know how to use. Women who can’t walk in heels and men who struggle to get around in their flip-flops – stick to what works for your feet instead of the style you think looks nice, mainly because what your wearing doesn’t look good if you’re shuffling and stumbling around in it.
11. Pedicure/Manicure. Ahh, there’s nothing like some cosmetic treatment to make you feel good about yourself. Again, I know I probably lost some more bros on this one, but trust me, you’ll feel as good as your cuticles look.
12. Go to Wal-Mart. No way you don’t come out of there feeling beautiful as fuck, even if you wear your pajamas. Go after midnight if you REALLY want to feel like a beauty queen.
13. Play some I feel good about myself music. Y’know, something like Natasha Beddingfield. Don’t do anything foolish like watch The Hills though, because those people all look digital as well.14. Assume that anyone who smiles, nods their head, waves, glances, makes eye contact with or acknowledges you period, is only doing so in recognition of your beauty. Are you right? Maybe. Are you wrong? Probably, but you it’s like placebo for your confidence, so swallow that ego boost.
15. Remind yourself that you’re probably a lot prettier than you think you are. Nobody is more critical or aware of every flaw and blemish you have than you. Set an alarm with Siri and have her tell you how attractive you probably are, or refer back to this article, follow the steps, wince and repeat.