It somehow took me 23 years to find out who my real biological father is, and it was quite the revelation after years of investigating the origin of my name, having run-of-the-mill daddy issues, and generally feeling like half of a person. I didn’t find out the truth about where I came from until I was contacted by my long lost half-brother after he saw a writing-related story about me in the newspaper. From there, I asked questions and connected dots until one of the greatest mysteries of my existence was finally solved.
Unfortunately, my half-brother ghosted very shortly after contacting me. He didn’t return my emails, messages, or desire to stay in touch. He had genuinely reached out, claimed to be an open book, added me on LinkedIn, and then disappeared all within a few short weeks. I refuse to believe that he simply changed his mind about me after showing such a keen interest. I refuse to believe that nothing prompted his desire to pretend I no longer exist.
The only logical explanation I can come up with is that my father somehow dissuaded him, whether directly or indirectly. I may never know the truth about his jarring and slightly insulting disappearance, but I hold no resentment towards him. I am grateful that I was presented with the opportunity to learn more about myself and finally get some answers.
How did you feel when you held me for the first time?
Did you have a say in naming me?
Do you still think of me as your daughter?
Do you still think of me at all?
Did being a part of my life ever feel like an option?
When I was a baby, did you bond with me or prefer to keep your distance?
Do you ever think about my mom?
Do you ever wonder what I’m up to these days?
Would you be proud of me if I told you I was a writer instead of a lawyer or a doctor?
At what age would you have taught me how to drive?
What’s your favorite movie?
What’s your favorite band?
Do you like to travel?
What would you have told me during my “I’m oddly attracted to guys who treat me like shit” phase?
Would you have given me more freedom and independence growing up?
What is the greatest lesson you want to pass on to your children?
Did you feel guilty about not wanting me?
If you were given an opportunity to sit across from me, look me in the eye, and open the floodgates to an honest discussion, would you take it?
What is your greatest fear?
What is your greatest regret?
What is your greatest flaw?
Do you read books?
Are you happy?
Have you ever thought about reaching out?
Did you ever love me?