White Men Dating Asian Women Isn’t The Problem – Your Racism Is (Plus, Tips On How To Cure Yourself)

Dear Anne,

When I first read your article I was very, very angry and very, very annoyed. I thought to myself, “why on earth would Thought Catalog publish something like this?” and then I realized that it was just a cry for help. How are you feeling? Is everything all right at home? It looks as though you’ve been having a bit of a tough time. If that’s the case, boy do I have the solution for you!

See, I think the problem with your situation is that you’re an outspoken, racist, internet-bigot. The problem with your situation, Anne, is you.

I’ve taken the initiative to write you a list of helpful tips that will hopefully get you on your way to becoming a better, brighter, less racist version of yourself.

1. Don’t leave the house when you’re sick.

Much like the common cold, racism can be very infectious! Many studies have shown that racism can flare up when exposed to interracial couples, so it would probably be best for you to stay inside until you’re all healed up and certain not to get anyone else sick. This way, you won’t have to be “visually assaulted” by the aforementioned couples, and they won’t have to be “visually assaulted” by you. After all, racism can cause a person to look like a complete, fucking idiot. You wouldn’t want people to have to see you at your worst.

2. Learn to trust people.

I know it can be easy to assume that all men are lying, cheating pigs but, Anne, you gotta learn how to stop being so paranoid. You may think that these white men, “… trick millions of Asian women into relationships in which they’re heavily taken advantage of”, but I assure you that is not the case. These “white men” you speak of are not, in fact, tricking anyone, let alone millions of Asian women. Generally speaking, men are simple creatures – they enjoy food, they enjoy sex, they enjoy sleep. Last time I checked, “tricking Asian women” was not a thing they have time for. If, however, they do have time for that, I would argue that you are paying too much attention to the wrong kinds of men.

3. Let go of your jealousy.

“Upon contraction of Yellow Fever, white men suddenly stop going after strong and beautiful white women like myself, and start trading us for our shorter, black haired and more yellow-hued sisters, namely you people.” Do I sense jealousy here, Anne? It’s okay to admit it, we’ve all felt the pains of envy from time to time. If you just allowed yourself to let go of the anger you have towards certain white men and the jealousy you hold for Asian women, you might realize that “yellow fever” has nothing to do with the fact that no man in his right mind would want to date someone dumb enough to write the article you wrote. For your sake, I hope it was satire (even so, you need to work on that shit).

4. “Bruce Chan” is not a ninja movie star person.

I’m going to assume that you were talking about the almighty Bruce Lee. If you have a spare moment, instead of writing these fucked up, uneducated articles, try watching one of his many films. They really are fantastic. I would recommend watching Enter the Dragon, Fist of Fury and Way of the Dragon (this last one’s got Chuck Norris in it!). They’re my favourite Bruce Lee movies – let me know what you think.

5. Book an appointment with your optometrist.

“they’re not even dating you for your looks, because, like no offense, but you all look kind of similar, so they’re dating you purely because of your race.” Asians, like any other ethnic group, come in all different shapes and sizes and if you’re not able to see that, then you need glasses. Aishwarya Rai, Lucy Liu, Regine Velasquez… all Asian, all completely different.

I’m going to be honest with you, Anne. Writing this in a calm and collected manner was very difficult for me to do. You see, I’m Filipino (to clarify, this makes me Asian) and my boyfriend is German (which, as you might suggest, makes him a “white man”) and to have any form of intimacy and affection between us whittled down to ‘white man preys on submissive Asian woman’ pissed me right the fuck off. Like, right the fuck off. What you wrote was ignorant, offensive, dismissive and right-fucking-racist.

But I believe there’s hope for you yet.

While you reevaluate your life and attempt to rectify the many, many mistakes I am sure you have made, I’m going to go have sex with my “white man” boyfriend because he respects me and has an amazing ass.

Sincerely,
Macy

p.s If you’re ever feeling lonely, let me know! I have an ex-flatmate who thinks racism is healthy and wants another World War to ‘fix’ the overpopulation of our wonderful planet. I can’t be certain, but something tells me you two might hit it off.