Amy: Hmm. So she actually has a big thing to say. Um. First, I feel… relief from her. Like she’s actually like, um, on her toes… she has her hands behind her back, when she came forward, kind of up on her toes like — “Yes?” She’s light. And feels… good. About what is coming out. Um. She’s telling me that she wants… it said…
Amy pauses for a long moment here. Her eyes are closed. Her face is calm, but she’s smiling.
Amy: ‘Cause, you know, “there always has to be a message” — she’s kind of, you know, I don’t want to say mocking, but teasing about that — um. Trying to get her exact words, here.
Another long, tense pause as we both wait for JonBenet’s message.
Amy: So this is kind of to… the world? You don’t see kids going around… murdering people. You do in some… cases but that’s not the majority. You don’t see kids going around… doing… horrible stuff. You see adults do that. But the adults weren’t always like that. The adults were kids. So… maybe… look at that.
Me: What changes.
Amy: Mmm hmm. Yep. And she’s giving me the scold again of ‘taking things too seriously.’ I’m listening!
Me: (laughs) And that could feed into it, too, is… you know… taking life too seriously, taking things too seriously, and losing that childlike… spirit. And kindness.
Amy: And when you’re not kind, that’s where you start your wounds. And all of your… psychosis. And. Your denying parts of yourself, then you’ve gotta hide parts of yourself… it’s like this whole… monster in the closet gets created. It’s connected to that part of you, I guess.
I share a personal anecdote about a child I encountered at a Boys and Girls Club. He had a moment of being upset, worked through it, and then it was okay.
Me: Like — he was upset about it, and then he was fine! And in the not acknowledging your feelings [as an adult] that’s what creates those monsters. And we don’t experience it, we don’t feel it, and then… it doesn’t go away. It just hides out. And becomes something worse.
I pause, feeling like I’ve come across something very important.