Our subject for this session was among our most requested and most highly anticipated. Due to some recent health setbacks, I unfortunately kept putting off my transcription of our conversation. Yet even up until this evening, little things kept popping up that proved Diana was the right choice to speak to next.
Amy texted to show me a coin someone had used to pay with in her friend’s store, just the day before our call:
The day of our call, I noticed an odd amount of articles regarding Prince Harry and his desire to “make his mother proud.” And tonight, just as I transcribe this conversation, I find a new photo of Diana and her sons has been released.
Both of our previous sessions have had many “signs” to point towards the importance of our timing, and Diana is no different.
So let’s get to it, shall we?
Amy: So I guess, just ask a question to… get started.
Me: Okay. Um. I guess we both sort of, she’s been at the forefront of our minds for our next subject so… is there anything in particular that she was really wanting to… speak about? In our conversation?
Amy: So she instantly made a joke, and I’m trying to — it was more of a feeling than of her saying it in words, um, of like — “You just opened a can of worms.” Like, she could talk for… ever. About the things that she wants to talk about. She’s instructing that you — ask her questions, as the process goes on, it will become clear what it is she’s wanting to say.
Me: Okay. Um. I always like to start on a lighter note so, um, does she have anything she wants to talk about — about her boys? Or if she has any… particular messages for them?
Amy closes her eyes, listens.
Amy: Um. So she’s saying, what could be said about her “boys” that wouldn’t be cliche… that a mother would say. It’s well-known how much she adored and loved both of them. They are true testaments to the bond that they had, because of the way they turned out. It shows that… she lives in them. And that the bond that they had is true, and deep, and… nothing can change that. Not even death, or people, um, wishing to remove her, um, influence. They could never, because… she is in them. And they’re in her. And she says that’s very evident in the deeds and actions and how they’ve lived their lives… since.
There’s something particularly elegant about the way Amy delivers this information. In each of our sessions, the very spirit of our subject seems to come through in her; Diana feels poised, eloquent. Sure in what she wants to say and yet careful in the way she says it.
Me: Okay. Something that I, in her position, would just be curious in — what is her opinion on Kate Middleton?
The response is almost immediate.
Amy: She’s perfect. She’s… perfect. She says, she likes her a lot because she is, um, a lot smarter than she… puts out there. She knows how to maintain her opinion and her will without getting into trouble, which is something she [Diana] wasn’t very good at, she’s saying. (laughing) That’s something really admires in her [Kate.] She doesn’t want to use the word ‘manipulative,’ because that’s not what she means at all —
Me: More like, tactful?
Amy: Um, it’s just that her emotions don’t control her [Kate] as much, and she knows the way she doesn’t agree and what she wants done, and she knows how to go about getting that done without causing any red flags or… it seeming like she is going outside of the “will” of all the, um, “meddlers” Diana is saying. Whereas Diana wore her emotions on her sleeve and many times could not hold her tongue. And… um, would snap react to something. She’s saying Kate kind of sits and figures out a way to, do it in the least… um. Amount of consequences coming back on her. And she also has a strong will, she’s saying she has a strong will and a strong mind and she has no complaints about her whatsoever.
Me: Good! I had a feeling she would probably like her. I don’t know many people who don’t. Um, okay, trying to think… I don’t have as much intimate knowledge on Diana as I have on some of our other subjects, so I’m trying to think of the right questions to ask. Um. My biggest question, I guess, and this is diving a little deep right away — what she knows about what happened that night [of her death?] If she has any… explanation for… what happened.
Amy closes her eyes. She looks very serious when she finally responds.
Amy: She’s saying she will go into this, she doesn’t really see relevance in that nothing is ever going to be done about it. So.
I feel admonished. Maybe I should’ve done more research, but it was the one thing that was tugging at me to ask, so I went for it. As a child of the 90s, Diana’s car crash was most of what I knew about her, outside of the commemorative Beanie Baby.
Amy: She’s gotten past the… need for, um, I don’t feel any… anger. Or vengefulness in wanting to “nail” people or get certain people blamed for anything. She’s saying it’s really not that difficult to figure out. If you just take a step back and look at the big picture — what her whole entire life consisted of, her marriage, her relations with certain people — where she was at that point in time, what she was choosing at that point in time, it’s very evident…
Amy: …what happened. Um. The details are what’s lost. She does have, and she is being very, uh, defending of that driver — she, uh, she’s saying that… what happened, happened.
At this point our connection jitters a little. This tends to happen during more emotional moments of our sessions and I don’t comment on it.
Amy: You know. There’s nothing that can be done about it, but one thing that truly is, um, sickening — is, the blame and the shadow cast on that man that was incorrect. He was the scapegoat of the situation. And she feels for his family. That, you know, deep in their hearts know the kind of man he was. And they have to sit there and listen to things that are completely, completely out-and-out lies.
Me: Okay. Because I know it went back and forth between that it was the paparazzi’s fault, it was the driver’s fault, it was… volleyed back and forth.
Amy: Neither’s fault.
Me: So it was just a perfect storm?
Amy shakes her head, smiling sort of strangely.
Amy: No. Just a very planned storm.
Me: Oh. Oh?
Amy: Neither of those are the reasons why.
Me: Okay. Hmm. So if she’s using the word ‘planned’ but it wasn’t the paparazzi’s fault, it wasn’t the driver’s fault… can she elaborate, on that?
Amy closes her eyes, listens again. A small smile plays on her lips. The audio on my computer crackles and pops.
Amy: She has such a good sense of humor. Everything she has said is laced in some… a bit of sarcasm. So she said yes, she can elaborate on it, but is she going to? No. (laughing)
Me: (laughing) Okay, that’s fair enough!
Amy: She’s saying to me for many reasons. Number one, you know, it’s not… the world is still not at a place where it is ready to, um, stop being the… (sighs) She says… I gotta get the exact way she’s saying this. Hold on.
Amy stops to compose herself and appears to listen very intently. When she speaks again, it’s with that same elegant, eloquent style as I heard earlier.
Amy: The world is very fickle. The world needs to have clarity and answers about things that happen. Especially when it comes to things of the magnitude of what happened with her. And yet, the world also doesn’t want to believe — (laughing) — the truth of situations. They want to stay naive. They don’t want to… understand how deep that goes. And so the world isn’t ready for the answers. And so she’s not ready to give it, is what she’s saying. It’s not her place to give that answer. When most of the world is not in the place to receive an answer.
That’s a pretty bold statement about the world, and yet a statement I tend to agree with. It also tends to strike true with what I know of Diana. It feels very… her. It even has the ring of political care a trained royal would have in regards to statements to the press. And I suppose in this situation that’s what I am — the press.
Let’s move on.
Me: So there’s clearly something else she wants to talk about but she’s being coy.
Amy: Coy is a good way to put it. She’s very playful. Like, you know. It’s a very interesting personality. (laughing) Wonderful personality. She’s saying that she has a lot that she does want to talk about. What she doesn’t want to do is waste time… so she’s explaining to me that in her life, so much of her life she wasted energy on trying to convince people of things they weren’t ready to be convinced of. Um. So it doesn’t matter how much you present the truth, if nothing’s ever going to be done about it and people aren’t in a place to deal with it —
Me: Then why bother?
Amy: What’s the point? And that’s basically what she’s saying. Nothing’s going to occur from that. Other than people’s imaginations being… tantalized for the moment, and then, nothing’s done about it. So she’s willing to say it was not the driver, it was not the paparazzi, it was planned. If you take a step back, she keeps saying, and look at the big picture… you can put two and two together to see what happened. It was actually very elementary. And simple.
Me: So that being said, then, that’s what a lot of people would go towards, and that’s been… set aside. So, um, tell her to help me to help her! What do we need to, to tackle? How do we need to approach this stuff?
Amy closes her eyes, tunes in. I wait.
Amy: She’s saying she certainly doesn’t want to go about doing it in a way of, nitpicking — Charles this, the Royal family this — you know, all of these situations because it is so much bigger than that. She’s saying that that is one of the big lessons of her lifetime, the constant feeling of… not being able to control situations in her life because it was always so focused, the energy was always so focused on… the problem. If she could go back and change anything, that’s what it would be. How much of her energy she spent on all of these… what she felt were “predators,” forces in her life that were out to get her. Forces in her life that were… constantly coming against her, undermining her steps forward. She got so wrapped up in that that she lost… track. Of how much she could’ve been doing, had she not been focusing on… the drama of the people. Is what she’s saying.
I understand that more than Amy might know. On a much lesser level, to be sure, but as a writer on the internet I find myself focusing on “the problem” quite often. Reading the comments and fretting about negative words rather than realizing that I have actually created something and that person — the drama creator — is not worth my energy.
Amy: So. To go deeper. And to understand that people like that — and we all understand what people she’s talking about — they get too much. Time, focus, and energy. She’s saying let’s look at the big picture. Of, why do you think humanity was at the point it was when she passed — of how many people were affected by that? And how many people came together? And how many people — it was this heart opening, across the world. That’s what she wants to focus on, because she’s saying, for it to be that many people affected… that’s where the energy should be. Why? Why? Why did it take that for your heart to open?
Amy pauses, her eyes still closed, hands working in the air.
Amy: What is it about, her life and her story, that got in there… so deeply. And to complete strangers? Because that is what this planet is needing. And that’s why this planet is so affected when she left it. So she doesn’t want to focus on… them. She did her whole entire life. She wants to focus on that. What, what is missing in humanity that when someone like her leaves… only then does this wave of pink, warm, heart emotion… go over the world? Why? What is it that we’re missing as human beings… that is the result of one human being passing? That’s what she wants to talk about and look at.
Me: I remember the candlelight vigils and all that. For her. I was only in… was it ’97? I would’ve been in 7th or 8th grade. I remember it being a big deal. I had the Beanie Baby. But I didn’t know anything about her as a person except that she seemed to be a good one.
Amy: She wants it cleared up she was not perfect. And most people know this, she’s saying. (laughing) Um, she had a wicked side. She had a vengeful side. She had a grudge-holding side. She was reckless, she’s saying, in her emotional… because she was so sensitive. And felt so much. And was so passionate. She never quite learned how to tame those things. So she’s saying that, you know, that she was good. But not any better than anybody else. She made mistakes, chose wrong people. Did things that… were probably not of the best interest of her, or even her children, she’s saying. At times. The only difference is… her whole entire life revolved around love. She just wanted love. She wanted to give love and she wanted to receive love.
I am starting to see a pattern in the subjects we have chosen. I feel a strong kinship with this, just as I did with Nicole and Marilyn. Also, we are all blonde, but do with that what you will.
Amy: She’s telling me it’s amazing to see how that’s kind of… spread across humanity now. The impact, of being empathic, having empathy. Um, that is the embodiment of who she was. She felt things to the core. And… that makes her no different than anybody else.
Amy gestures vaguely with her hands, looking as though she doesn’t know exactly how to describe what she means.
Amy: She wants that understood. That what everybody projected when she died — oh, poor Diana, wonderful Diana, Diana was so amazing — that love and outpouring that people felt when she passed? She’s saying simply, projection onto her what… every single human being is inside. And that’s what she wants said. Is choosing that. Choosing to be that compassionate, empathetic, in your heart… person. That’s who she was. She didn’t realize it in that lifetime that that was her message. The pull and take, the abusive relationships. She didn’t realize it while she was here. It was like a tornado that constantly sucked her in.
Me: So I… I think I understand. Let me see if I’ve kind of got the gist of it. She sees that she’s kind of, became an embodiment of this spirit of compassion and giving and love… but what she wants people to understand is that it’s already in so many of us. We don’t need an embodiment of that.
Amy: Exactly. And that… and that is, is the biggest form of projection. It’s very obvious that… the almost worship that she received at that time, after that? People are so disconnected from inside themselves, and that is not the truth of who we are. When we see that in another person, it moves us. Because that’s who we wish to be. Everyday of our lives.
Me: I mean, I think it’s a pretty powerful message too, that she was very well-respected and loved while she was here — but it did take the loss of… her. To really pull out that total outpouring of love and support. I mean, it was “Candle In The Wind” — it embodied that goodness that was no longer here. That so many people felt like was no longer here, or that so many people feel doesn’t exist in people now. That’s a devastating loss. To feel that there’s one less person who feels that… anymore.
Amy: Yeah. She’s also wanting to talk about the… archetype? Of… victim. She’s wanting to say she carried that archetype in her lifetime. Victim. Where her self esteem was constantly… it didn’t matter how good she knew she was, or how much love moved through her. She always had this… shadow. Over her. That… was just so much self doubt, and not knowing her worth.
Here I didn’t think I had any ties with Diana and look, we’re basically the same person. I think the subjects of our sessions are being chosen, to a certain extent, based on my shitty sense of self-worth.
Amy: Being so compassionate, and loving, and generous. And then she would have these people who would make her feel so… ugly. So horrible inside. Like, she was just the worst. And she looks back at that now and sees so much of that now was so much to do with the victim mentality that she carried a lot of. She resonated with… the abuse that was given to her. She resonated on a level with that.
Okay. So what about Dodi and the men in her life?
Amy: So much of her life was built around men in her life, and men who were aloof… it was always the same kind of personality. They were in it for the moment or whatever but then it would end up in some sort of disaster. Hot to cold. Ending up in some sort of disaster. With Dodi, at that point in her life — it was a bit too much — and she’s laughing. That would piss certain people off. Already, he was already very attractive for knowing he was going to piss people off. Get under the skin of… individuals. On the casual basis, at first it may have been “He’s charming, he’s handsome, he’s sexy, he’s going to piss a lot of people off” — it actually ended up being a mirror to her that she…
Amy pauses, considering her words carefully. And then we lose connection.
Me: I think I lost you? [Skype drops call] Well, that tends to happen, doesn’t it. (sighs)
A few minutes pass as we attempt to connect again. Finally, Amy reappears.
Amy: Lordy. Okay. (laughing) Okay. So she wants it known she was happy at the end of her life. The happiest… she’s ever been. And thinking that it was a bit… foolish. Thinking that it could ever work out. Because there’s no way it could have. Not with who she was, who he was. Again, that should be enough for people to understand why.
I take a moment to absorb all this, then laugh.
Me: Okay, something that’s kind of funny for me. In 6th grade, we were told to write to somebody who was, um… famous. And still alive. I remember I had a big crush on Prince William? And so I remember I wrote him a letter asking if he would be my boyfriend. Because I was REALLY hoping I’d get to be a princess. And I’m a little sad this never worked out.
Amy: She’s saying you should be really happy it didn’t work out. (laughing) She just, you should be very happy that didn’t work out. Being a princess isn’t all that it’s chalked up to be. She said that’s cute, though.
Me: He’s a very handsome man! Still is.
Amy: Yes. She’s saying that Harry is… is a catch. I don’t know why she’s differentiating the two of them. She’s saying he has more of her spark, more of her personality than William does.
Eventually, we run out of time. I suggest we pick up again soon, but as luck would have it, we are both busy enough we have to finish the session via email. These are the final questions/answers for Diana’s session:
Me: Does she feel the humanitarian work she did has been kept alive since her death?
Amy: She is saying that of course, it is not in the ways she would have or the ways she would have evolved it… but in a sense, yes. Especially within her children, which is very important to her. She feels that she was able to instill in them a heart for humanity and it greatly moves her that she sees that in them even now.
Me: Does she have anything to say about Dodi, where he is spiritually?
Amy: All she is saying is that they are on different journey’s, but that he is at peace. She is at peace.
Me: Does she want to touch on Hasnat Khan?
Amy: Funny… as soon as I read this question I felt her go quiet… even in connection. Almost contemplative. She is allowing me to feel… and that is hard for me to explain… it isn’t coming in words… it is coming in impressions… she is allowing me to feel that at the time they had their relationship and after the breakup… she truly felt he was the love of a lifetime. He had these ways… she is saying… that just captivated her. Commanded her. She was devoted. She is kind of laughing at herself… with that… at the devotion part… because she sees now that it was so… foolish.
She is saying he wasn’t an easy man… he was stubborn and set in his ways and there wasn’t room for two strong personalities and that he wasn’t going to be the one to lessen… it had to be her power that lessened to be with him. She is saying that she lost a lot of her personal power to men… to love… and he was no exception. She sees now the reasons and the lessons in that. She also wants it said that Dodi ended up being the love of her life. She was the happiest, most at ease she had ever been in love and the most important aspect in that, it was reciprocated. Her love and devotion and passion… reciprocated.
Me: Is there anything in particular she wants conveyed to her children and/or grandchildren?
Amy: To be true to who they are, individually. To not allow ones inner power to be depleted by other people or circumstances. To keep their hearts open to all of humanity and suffering and needs on this planet and to remember that although outer circumstances appear to make them seem much different than their fellow man, they are the same. She is proud , more than she can express and loves them dearly.
Me: She doesn’t want to talk about the drama of the royalty, I get that, but is there anything to add to that saga that she feels is actually worthwhile that she hasn’t already said?
Amy: For people to understand that no matter what happened, it was never going to be something that would ever come out or be proven in this lifetime. She also wants it conveyed to Henri Paul’s family that he was a kind man…and doesn’t deserve what happened and also what has been said thereafter.
Lastly, she wants to convey that her hopes for all people are that the human condition would evolve from being wrapped up in fairytales and fantasies… from archetypes and stories… and realize that all of life is a marvel and our only true choice is to be present in it and start living it from the heart. Taking all eyes of dramas and events and people placed up on pedestals and turning them back to the heart.
I don’t feel like a lot of juicy secrets were revealed upon talking to Diana. And yet knowing Diana, I don’t think that’s what she would’ve wanted. She was hoping, if I gathered the message right, to explain her personal message for us. That while she had an obviously important place on Earth, she had an equally important spot in our hearts after she passed.
And — if I’m interpreting this right — when we all felt that strange ache in our hearts as Diana left us, it’s important to note that we felt that because we all know we’re capable of the compassion she had. We may not feel we are, but we are. We are capable of being as good as she was.
And even if we don’t believe it, maybe we can at least strive for it. You know? Let’s all strive to be as kind, compassionate, and even imperfect as Diana admitted she was. There’s something beautiful in admitting our imperfections.
I think the world could be a pretty great place if we did that, even if just for a little while.