Yeah, I said it. You wanna fight? I know I’m heading down a dark path by making this bold claim but I stand by my words. As a proud Slytherin through-and-through, I’m here to convince you that the platinum-blonde pawn of Voldemort would be a far better SO than The Boy Who Lived. (And if I’m being honest with myself, I know I’d never be Draco’s actual girlfriend. As a mudblood I’d be his side chick at best. I’ve made peace with it.)
He’s Much More Confident
Harry’s always all “oh no what do I do am I really supposed to defeat Voldemort wahhh wahhh” and let’s face it, that would get really old really fast. Draco is always confident, even when things get really hard. When faced with adversity, he puts on a brave face and gets shit done. (Unless, of course, Snape steps up and does it for him.)
He’d Be Better In Bed
This goes hand-in-hand with the confidence issue. Draco knows what he’s worth and gets what he wants. That’s got to translate well in the sack. I just can’t imagine Harry being able to get down and dirty without crying or asking “Am I hurting you?” Ugh, the constant VALIDATION with you, Potter.
He Craves Your Love And Affection
His relationship with his dad is pretty toxic and his mother dotes on him, not to mention the fact that he’s being forced to do some terrifying shit by Wizard Hitler. Draco needs a tender touch and someone who will take care of him. By giving him the love he so desperately craves, he’s sure to return it in spades. Harry’s already got the adoration of the masses — he’s not likely to appreciate yours as much.
He’s Got Style
I mean seriously, those platinum locks? Totally swoon-worthy. And unlike Harry, he rocks a fresh look in every movie. Aside from “Harry Potter And The One Where They Had Really Good Hair All Of A Sudden” (AKA “Prisoner of Azkaban”) Draco simply rules when it comes to style.
He Has High Standards
Draco’s not going to just hook up with any skank that slithers into the dining hall. (See what I did there?) Harry, however, is willing to throw himself at any girl who thinks he’s the Chosen One. Draco’s standards are high, which means if he chooses you then he believes you’re worth his time. And if you’re worth his time, he’s going to treat you right.
He’s Got Bad Boy Sex Appeal
We’ve all been there: lusting after the guy who’s not exactly a snuggly bundle of sunshine (ahemKyloRenahem) but let’s face it, that’s part of the draw. If you can make this untouchable rebel like you, then there’s got to be something special about you too. Plus, there’s a lot of love lying below the surface — you just have to get to it. Harry is the opposite of a bad boy. He’s a good guy. Which, while it has its own appeal, can get pretty boring.
His Parents Are Super Rich (And Also Super Alive)
Sure, Lucius Malfoy may be a total prick, but he’s a total prick with cash. Cozy up to daddy a little and I bet you’d be given a nice shopping spree down Knockturn Alley or some really choice Quidditch seats. Also, Narcissa seems like she’d have a killer wardrobe of all black and could give you some bomb contouring tips.
He’s Had To Work For His Accomplishments
Let’s be real here: Harry Potter didn’t actually DO anything to earn the title of The Boy Who Lived. He literally just… lived. It was his mom Lily who did the sacrificing that turned into Harry’s fame. Draco actually performed well in school and showed Voldemort he was worth something, thereby EARNING the Dark Lord’s respect. That’s pretty hardcore.
He’d Make Some Amazingly Adorable Babies
I might be more biased on this one but omg that little flaxen-haired imp. Draco as a first-year is absolutely eat-up-able. Sure, Harry’s a cute kid too, but a lot of that has to do with him being so wide-eyed and utterly confused by everything in the wizarding world.
He Makes The Right Choices In The End
Whether you like him or not, you can’t deny that by the time the series is over, Draco has proven himself to be much more complicated than his shiny veneer might suggest. When confronted with truly evil deeds, he does the right thing. He doesn’t WANT to kill Dumbledore. He doesn’t WANT to hurt Harry and his friends. He doesn’t WANT Voldemort to rise to power again because for all his talk, Draco knows that what the Dark Lord wants is wrong. Choosing what’s right over what’s easy, well, that’s what’s REALLY sexy.