Let me start by saying: I’m not proud of this. I’ve always been the girl who likes the bad guys — prime examples being Draco Malfoy and Dr. Thredson from “American Horror Story” — but I’m not exactly a “Star Wars” fan. I mean, I appreciate them for what they are, I’m just more of a horror gal than a sci-fi gal. But of course I had to go see the new movie because, well, I’m a human that exists in December of 2015.
I was not prepared for Adam Driver’s subtle, understated performance as Dark Side up-and-comer Kylo Ren. So often, villains are portrayed as vain, pompous characters that follow the same formula we’ve seen for many, many years. That’s why when a Norman Bates or Heath Ledger’s Joker comes around, we (Villain Lovers Anonymous™) get all fangirly. It doesn’t mean we support their choices, just that they’re sexy af. That being said, I present for your approval…
1. That. Hair.
If you haven’t seen the movie yet, you have also not seen the glorious moment when Kylo Ren takes off his mask and unveils Adam Driver’s thick, luxurious mane of black hair. What’s even better is that, flipping the script once again, Ren removes his mask after Rey has taunted him for hiding behind it — and he’s cool as a cucumber. Just takes the thing off and is all, “Okay, can we continue?” I want to touch it. I want to touch the hair.
2. He’s Got Serious Attitude
In reference to the previous scene (and much of the movie) it was interesting to see a villain so calm and collected in his interactions with both enemies and colleagues. No dramatic laughs, no complicated explanation of his plans. Ren is a straight-shooter; with that deep sultry voice echoing from the mask, he makes almost anything sound sinister and somehow reasonable.
3. Yet He’s Not Afraid To Show His Emotions
Who among us haven’t wanted to throw a lightsaber-fit at some unsuspecting console when things don’t go our way? Plus, tantrums mean you get to pet that hair of his and tell him everything’s going to be okay.
4. More Like Tall, Dark Side, and Handsome, Amirite?
He’s tall. Very tall. And being part of the Dark Side, well, that’s got its own allure I already mentioned.
5. He’s Still Learning And Growing As A Person
Whereas Vader was already a stone-cold supreme leader when we met him in Episode IV, Kylo Ren is not quite there yet. He’s still training, finding out new ways to use the Force. The last thing you want is a Sith boyfriend who refuses to better himself.
6. He’s, Like, SUPER Close With His Grandpa
Speaking of Darth Vader, Kylo Ren idolizes his super-evil grandpa. I, too, hold my grandpa in very high regard. That’s a very important quality in a guy. If Vader were still alive, I imagine the three of us would go to brunch and he’d insist on picking up the tab.
7. …But He’s Got Daddy Issues You Can Help Him Work Through
Not everyone’s relationship with their family is perfect. Ren and Han Solo don’t have the best father-son bond. (I guess you could actually call it the WORST father-son bond.) This gives you the opportunity to lament your own issues with relatives over a few drinks before he finally opens up and lets you in.
8. I Mean, He’s Tortured, But You Can Totally Save Him
Massacres and Force-related attacks aside, Kylo Ren is a complicated man. But we know, like with all damaged goods boys, there’s a sweet side lurking beneath all that black clothing. He just needs someone who truly understands to bring that sweetness out. I CAN FIX HIM. I CAN!
9. He Reaches Out For Help When He Needs It
He was having a hard time deciding between the Dark Side and the Light Side and he was brave enough to ask his dad for help, even though they have their differences. Han Solo was more than happy to help his son figure out how to make that tough decision. See? Progress! (I’m sorry for this one, I really am.)
10. He’s Really Committed To His Career
Murder, lightsaber battles, blowing up planets, you name it. Kylo Ren is climbing that corporate ladder at The First Order and he’s not gonna stop until he reaches the top and reclaims the glory that Grandpa Vader lost. That’s a good sign he’ll be able to provide for the future and all the little space babies we’ll eventually make together.