You are crying again. It has been weeks and you can’t seem to let go of what you found out. And it’s okay. No one can move on that easy. Especially you.
They say one of the hardest thing to do in life is to let go of something you thought was real. And you thought he was real. You thought that this was the time you were waiting for.
He was the wish in every penny you threw in a wishing well, in every fallen eyelash, in every shooting star. You thought he was the one you prayed for.
From the very first moment you laid your eyes on him and he smiled at you, he got you.
I know it’s hard to let go because you won’t just let go of him — but also the people you met through him, the memories that you built together and the feelings that he made you feel.
I know how things will be a lot different after this because he left marks on everything that didn’t matter before. A song won’t be just a song anymore. From now on, you can’t dance to a Jessie J song without remembering the dance steps you made in the kitchen while baking cookies. And there will be times where you’ll feel a single song was meant for you.
A place won’t be just a place. You’ll remember every single thing you ordered in your favorite restaurant. And every corner of your room will have his scent. You will imagine him sitting beside you like he used to do.
A movie won’t just be a movie without remembering the tears you both shed or the laughter you two shared. You will remember him in everything. And no matter how much you wanted to erase those memories, you just can’t.
And sometimes, you hate to admit it to yourself, but no matter how hurtful and hard your suffering is, you still want to keep those memories. There will always be a part of you that wants to hold on.
But in order to release the constriction in your chest, you have to breathe. Carefully. Even if it’s painful. You have to let go.
There are times in life where it’ll knock you down. But fighters always stand up even in their worst fights. They continue to fight despite of the visible and fresh battle scars they have.
And you are fighter. Fight even if it wears you down. Fight even if it hurts. Fight even if you think you can’t, because you can.
I know you’ve questioned your worth a thousand times, but in case you still don’t know the answer, you are enough. You are more than enough.
The absence of his contentment is not your fault. You wore your heart on your sleeve. You gave everything you could give. You loved him more than the world ever knew. And that’s enough.
It still hurts and you don’t know how to deal with it. But trust me when I say that you can.
The best revenge you could give him is to show him what he just lost. Make him realize that the world doesn’t revolve around him.
Because there is so much in this world that you haven’t seen yet. Open yourself up to change. To meeting new people. Give yourself a time to heal and discover yourself. Learn to love yourself first. Know your worth.
I know this is not easy but there’s no easy way. You always have to take the hard way. The long and bumpy way — and it’s always worth it.
Smile despite the pain.
Play with it.
Wear it like a crown.
Walk in aisles, enter rooms, run as if it doesn’t bother you. Don’t ever think of it as a hindrance. Use it like your power. Use it against other people. Make them lurk at you.
Give them a reason to take a second look. Show them what broken looks like. Show them that brokenness can come with a smile. Show them your scars painted in gold and glitters. Show them broken can also be beautiful with cracks. Shine in your own weakness.
Let hurt feel like happiness. After all, we all have to experience sadness before happiness. That’s the yin and yang of life.
Now, chin up, wear your beautiful smile, and start living again.
And the next time you fall in love, never put your happiness in someone’s hands. Never give them the audacity of playing with your heart.
Be the girl who knows how to play better. Be the girl who knows her worth. Be the girl who was once hurt but learned her lesson.
But most importantly, be the girl who knew her worth. The girl who moved on.