1. You can’t convince someone to love you.
“You can’t convince someone to love you.
If you’re brokenhearted, the thing that heals you is space and time from that person, and filling in the hole they left in your life with other, positive things. Seeking contact with the person who broke your heart is picking at the scab.”
2. Listen to how the other person speaks about their ex.
“Listen to how the other person speaks about their ex. If they’re purely nasty about them, then most of the time they will be the same to you. Adults respect decisions of others and if they’re still bitter about their ex then they’re probably not over them.”
3. Don’t overexert yourself to gain their approval.
“Don’t overexert yourself to gain their approval. Don’t do everything for them if they don’t do anything for you. Know your worth.”
4. If they appear disinterested, it’s because they are.
“If, after a couple of dates, they appear disinterested in anything you have to say—it is because they are.”
5. If someone wants to spend time with you, they will make time for you.
“If someone wants to spend time with you, they will make time for you.”
6. Don’t think you can ‘save’ someone or make them better.
“Don’t think you can ‘save’ someone or make them better. Most of the time, you can’t.”
7. Learn to say no unapologetically.
“Learn to say no unapologetically.”
8. Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship.
“Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship. It can be hard to leave someone just because you’ve become comfortable, but if they’re bringing you down all the time and you don’t enjoy spending time with them anymore and don’t want to be with them, then you’ll feel better when you leave them even though you’ll feel more alone. It’s worth waiting for the right person to date, so don’t settle.”
9. Don’t be afraid to be single.
“Don’t be afraid to be single. You have to learn to be happy with yourself before trying to find that person who makes you happy.”
10. Trust your gut! When the warning bells go off, run!
“Trust your gut! When the warning bells go off, run! I don’t care how cute he is or how much money he has, when the signs point to crazy/possessive/abusive/alcoholic etc…get out. You don’t need to waste your valuable time waiting for him to change.”
11. If you’re hesitating about giving someone a second chance, don’t.
“If you’re hesitating about giving someone a second chance, don’t. ‘One more chance’ turns into an endless loop of justifying shit behavior to avoid a breakup that should’ve happened long ago.”
12. If they don’t like who you are when you’re relaxed and natural, they aren’t a good fit.
“When dating, be yourself. If they don’t like who you are when you’re relaxed and natural, they aren’t a good fit. Don’t focus on being the ‘perfect girlfriend.’ My first relationship I tried to be the girlfriend I thought I was supposed to be. I tried so hard to avoid doing anything I heard guys complain their girlfriends did and just ended up being a doormat. I put up with things I never should have and never spoke up. Again, just be yourself and find someone who likes that person and makes you an even better person.”
13. Speak up. If you want something, don’t just sit around and wait for it.
“Speak up. If you want something, don’t just sit around and wait for it. Go get it!”
14. Don’t stay with a sucky person just because you’re lonely.
“Never convince yourself that a sucky person doesn’t suck just because you want some affection and/or company.”
15. Don’t stay with someone if it isn’t working.
“Don’t stay with someone if it isn’t working…You are not obligated to continue a long-term relationship just because it’s been long-term. If shit needs to change and it can’t or won’t, call it.”
16. Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential.
“This is what I came here to say. Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential. Don’t have a list of things in your head that ‘when they grow up and start to do these things THEN I can be happy.’ Go on what they’re like right now and cut short any fantasies or plans to encourage them to change.”
17. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Pay attention to actions and patterns of behavior. He may insist that he loves you, that he cares about you, that he respects you. He may feel something very strongly for you, and he may truly believe what he’s saying. If the way he treats you isn’t loving, or if it’s careless or disrespectful, walk away.
Hold out for someone who consistently treats you well.”
18. If you can’t be weird together, it won’t work.
“In my experience I’ve found that if you can’t be weird together, or let the quirky things you do normally just happen, then it won’t work.
My ex would always give me odd looks or make fun of me when I did a little strange thing here and there (he also made fun of my voice so there’s that).
Overall, just not hiding who you are to please the other person.”
19. You’re not trying to be liked, you’re determining your compatibility.
“You’re not trying to be liked, you’re determining your compatibility. I wasted a lot of time being likable and accommodating and unhappy because I wasn’t being honest about myself and my needs. Once I changed that perspective, dating became a lot healthier for me.”
20. If he’s not treating you well when you’re first dating, it won’t get any better as time goes on.
“A bit past your age range, but here are my pearls of wisdom…
If he’s not treating you well when you’re first dating, know that it won’t get any better as time goes on…
Also ‘he just not that into you’ is a thing. If he wants to make you a priority in his life, he will. If he makes a million excuses why he can’t see you or make time for you, just move on. You will save yourself a lot of wasted time and heartache.
The person you date should make you a better version of you, not the opposite (i.e., he should bring out your best, not your worst).”
21. You aren’t obligated to be someone’s entertainment.
“This can probably be good advice to any gender in this age group that is shy like I am! It took me a long time to realize this myself but I finally got there!
You aren’t obligated to be someone’s entertainment (and vice versa.) If they aren’t trying to have fun, it isn’t your job to provide it. It’s okay to just relax, and awkward silence isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If you can’t think of anything to say, that doesn’t necessarily mean you messed anything up. You don’t have to be ‘on’ all the time.
I used to beat myself up a lot because I had such a hard time talking to people I had crushes on. I’d be shy the whole date and then apologize afterwords via the internet for not being the same kind of ‘exciting’ as I was during text. Just because you didn’t think of enough jokes doesn’t mean you’re boring. Just because you didn’t share enough about yourself doesn’t mean you’re nobody.
First impressions are not the most important part of building a relationship. It’s okay if it takes a third or fourth impression to leave your unique mark.”
22. If you can’t be honest to your best friends and family about how he’s actually treating you, he’s not treating you right.
“If you can’t be honest to your best friends and family about how he’s actually treating you, he’s not treating you right.”
23. Be an adult about your feelings, good or bad.
“Be an adult about your feelings, good or bad. Playing cute at this stage isn’t really being honest with yourself or the other person. Don’t gloss over things that make you mad or irritated or hurt because they build and turn something minor into a huge wall to get over.”
24. If someone shows you that they don’t want you, just walk away.
“If someone shows you that they don’t want you, just walk away. Don’t cling, or freak out, or try to make them see how awesome you are; they don’t and they won’t. Keep your dignity and use that energy for something, or someone, else.”
25. Nobody is able to read your mind. You have to communicate.
“Nobody is able to read your mind. You have to communicate.
Your feelings are valid (most of the time) and you should feel free to talk to your SO/whomever you’re dating.
It is okay to protect yourself. If you encounter a toxic person, you are by no means required to keep them in your life.
DO NOT CHANGE YOURSELF TO PLEASE SOMEONE ELSE. This is important. You will change as you grow up but don’t change on the account of someone else.
Breakups will happen. They’re inevitable sometimes. Make sure you are emotionally and mentally sound enough to handle it if it happens.”
26. Just because they are not as bad as other people you may have dated does not mean they actually good partners.
“There is a HUGE difference between ‘This person I’m dating now is better than the person/people before’ and ‘This person I’m dating now is actually good for me.’
Just because they are not as bad as other people you may have dated does not mean they actually good partners. This is also relevant for friends, I think.”
27. Recognize when love is love versus love is abuse.
“I had an emotionally abusive partner in my teens. And my advice for younger teen girls out there is to recognize when love is love vs love is abuse. My partner forbade me from seeing friends and family on weekends as that was ‘date days,’ would call into all hours of the night if we were fighting because ‘he cared,’ would ban me from certain clothes that were too provocative because ‘I didn’t need to show off,’ had to be in the same mall I was if I was hanging out with a lone male friend because he was ‘protecting me,’ and tore me away from my friends with his behavior because ‘it was us against the world’ and then eventually, assaulted me because ‘I thought you’d like it like that.’
Don’t get sucked in like I was, because I was incredibly shy and afraid to speak up. Be strong.”
28. Don’t just settle.
“Sometimes you date good people that you just don’t have chemistry with. Nobody has to be the good guy or bad guy. You deserve someone you get fireworks with. Don’t just settle. Don’t be afraid to hurt somebody’s feelings. It’ll suck, but staying with the wrong person will suck more. You don’t want to have the right person come into your life when you’re stuck in a meh relationship.”
29. Learn to be OK with being single.
“Learn to be OK with being single. Seems like lots of people bounce from one relationship to the next and don’t even learn to love and appreciate themselves.”
30. Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option.
“Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option. If he cheats on you, leave them. They may promise up and down it was a mistake, more often than not it is some indication of their quality as a person, and how much they respect you.”
31. Don’t compare your timeline to anyone else’s.
“Don’t compare your timeline to anyone else’s. Don’t feel like you’re missing out on something because all of your friends are getting married or having babies before you. Also you are so much younger than you think you are.”
32. Don’t move too fast.
“Don’t move too fast. Experience your relationship and allow time to show you who your chosen one really is. About 90% of my friends who married before one year of knowing someone are divorced now; just food for thought.”
33. Don’t let anyone convince you that your relationship needs to come before yourself.
“Don’t let anyone convince you that your relationship needs to come before yourself, school, work, your mental health, your future, your other relationships, etc. It’s so important to find balance between relationships and other parts of your life!
Also, I know when you’re all head over heels for someone, it’s easy to want to spend all your time with them and accidentally block out other people. Don’t isolate yourself in a bubble of codependency. Set time aside away from your partner to spend time with friends, even if they’re mutual friends. Maintaining friendships outside of a partnership is key for 2 reasons. 1) Do you really wanna be that couple that can’t function without each other in a social setting? No. You don’t. 2) If things go south and you end up separated, it’s important to have a support group!
That’s my bit anyways. Good luck c:”
34. If you think something is off about him, you’re probably right.
“Listen to your gut feeling. If you think something is off about him, you’re probably right. Don’t lower your standards to prove you’re ‘not like all those bitches who think they’re better than me’ to a nice guy because you’ll regret it! And lastly…sex and love are different. Just because someone keeps coming back to you doesn’t mean he loves you, he loves he fact you where always there and an easy lay for him.”
35. You don’t need a reason to leave someone.
“You don’t need to have a reason to break up with someone other than not wanting to date them anymore. You don’t need to wait until they do something wrong, yell at you, or anything else. If you want to break up—just do it.
You don’t need a reason to leave someone.”
36. Be with someone whom you love and respect.
“Don’t stay with someone just because they are good at being a boyfriend and do all the nice boyfriend duties—be with someone whom you love and respect.
On the flip side, don’t date someone who is dreamy and charming who sucks at doing the boyfriend things—be with someone who loves and respects you.”
37. Don’t be intimidated by anyone!
“Don’t be intimidated by anyone! Everyone is a dork on the inside, and no one is cooler than anyone else. Afraid of being awkward? Everyone is awkward, who cares, move on. I figured this out in my 20s and suddenly realized I could talk to anyone without feeling shy or weird, even the people I thought were too cool for me (like the lead singer of my favorite local band—I married him.)”
38. Don’t EVER stay with someone just because you’re used to the comfort of being in a relationship.
“Don’t EVER stay with someone just because you’re used to the comfort of being in a relationship. I realized long ago that my fear of loneliness had been holding me back from ending toxic relationships. You will always have friends and family to support you, you don’t need to stay with horrible people just because you’ve gotten comfortable.”
39. Don’t waste time in a shitty relationship because you’re afraid you’ll end up alone.
“Ohhhh my goodness, let’s see:
1) When someone tells you who they really are, believe them the first time. Example: when a guy tells you ‘I’m kind of a player and feel like I have intimacy issues’; that doesn’t mean it’s a challenge and you can change them if you love them enough.
2) If he/she is cheating on their SO with you, they’ll probably do that TO you, too.
3) There’s plenty of dick/vagina everywhere. You only get one chance at life (that we know of.) Don’t waste time in a shitty relationship because you’re afraid you’ll end up alone, or because you’ve already been with them for so many years, or because you need attention. Don’t settle because you’re afraid. If a relationship is making you feel shitty more than it’s making you feel happy, it’s probably time to let it go.
4) Don’t date your friend’s ex. No matter how they tell you they feel about it ‘oh, it’s fine, I don’t care.’ They do care, it will be awkward, it will ruin your friendship, and the chances of that relationship surviving are slim.
5) If a guy/girl wants to be with you, they will make an effort to be with you. Don’t make excuses in your head for why someone is acting a certain way. ‘Oh she’s playing hard to get because she wants me.’ ‘Oh he says life is very hard right now but as soon as this passes we will be together 100%.’ Also, if someone is ‘playing hard to get,’ fuck that. That’s just a sign of emotional immaturity, and you don’t need those types of games.
6) People aren’t mind-readers. If you want something, or need something, or feel something—say it TO THEM. If you suffer in silence and never communicate how you’re feeling, your relationship will suffer.
7) Boundaries are important. If you set a boundary and the person you’re dating continuously disrespects that, they don’t respect you as a person, and they need to go.
8) You don’t want to spend all of your time with your significant other and have no hobbies of your own outside of your relationship.
9) You can like different things and still find a way to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
10) No man or woman is worth your mental sanity. If you’re feeling crazy and out of control in a relationship, or constantly stressed out, you need to take a good look at that relationship.
11) Possessive and controlling behavior are not signs that someone ‘just loves you so much.’ Examples: hickeys, making you cut people out of your life, making you feel guilty about doing things outside of your relationship, etc.
12) Being in an abusive relationship doesn’t only mean being beaten by your partner. Abuse can take on several other forms, some of them pretty insidious. If you’re not familiar with the term ‘gaslighting,’ Google it now. Also, Google ‘cycle of abuse.’ It generally doesn’t get better. Get out.
13) Sometimes love is not enough. You may love someone but they’re not right for you and you’re not right for them. It’s ok to move on. It will hurt for a while, but in the end you will be grateful and happy that you did.
14) You come first. Your goals, your aspirations, your life. If there is something you’ve always felt strongly about (example: ‘I don’t want to have kids, ever.’) don’t let someone manipulate you into doing it. ‘I guess I don’t really want kids but s/he really does so I’ll do this for them.’ NO. Recipe for disaster.
15) Live your life. Be your best self. Grow as a person and work on self-improving. Make that your focus. Once all of this is in place or in progress, relationships will become easier and finding a partner will become easier. You will also attract better people. When your self-esteem is in the shitter, you settle for shitty things, and nobody likes shitty things in the end.
40. Don’t ever go into a relationship thinking that certain traits/behaviors will change in your partner over time.
“People really don’t care for change, and most likely they will not change unless they get the will by themselves to. Don’t ever go into a relationship thinking that certain traits/behaviors will change in your partner over time.
If they are a slob, they’re likely gonna stay a slob. If they are rowdy, they’re likely gonna stay rowdy. If they suck at communication, they probably aren’t going to get much better at it.
Now, I’m not saying people never change. You just have to ask yourself if you can still have a healthy relationship with the person if they don’t change. If you can’t, move on.”