1. He would not shut up about how awesome he thought he was.
“He would not shut up about how awesome he thought he was.
Boasted on and on about how he went heli-skiing, hang gliding, ice climbing, how he was a brown belt in Gokanru, owned a whole lot of guns, was a concert pianist at only 11 years old…
Turned out he had a massive crush on me and was trying to impress me. I thought he was a colossal windbag but all those things were actually true. He just wanted to put his best foot forward.
We’ve been together for eight years. Married for one.”
2. He turned around and punched my arm so hard I had a massive bruise.
“We were both volunteering at a haunted house and I thought he was someone I knew… hit him (lightly) on the arm from behind… he turned around and punched my arm so hard I had a massive bruise for quite a long time. For the first week of knowing me he thought I was a 12 year old boy…I was 16, had short hair, and was over a foot shorter than him.
5 years and two kids later, he still hasn’t been able to live down thinking I was a boy.”
3. She threw a fork at me, and it lodged in my eye.
“There was this girl in my lunch line way back when in high school nine years ago who wanted to get my attention and flirt with me. She decided to throw a fork my way, as she did a friend called for my attention, and as I turned the fork lodged itself in my eye. Leaving me screaming in terror and pain. It was a plastic fork that simply lodged itself between my actual eye ball and the eye lid. Got me out of 5th period, though. This time next year we’ll be married.”
4. I thought he was an arrogant asshole.
“We met in college. I thought he was an arrogant asshole. Warmed up to him after a few months but was still never attracted to him. During a party he pretended to be my boyfriend to ward off this really creepy guy. Then he just pushed me up against the wall and kissed me hard. Something about his confidence was a compete turn on for me. I was attracted to him from then on. Now we’re married.”
5. The first time we met in person he thought he had my number and was a royal dick to me.
“His dad married my mom’s best friend. Small town, everyone knew everyone. The best friend’s daughter at the time hated my guts so when he moved in with his dad, she made sure to tell him a novel’s worth of dirty lies about me. So the first time we met in person he thought he had my number and was a royal dick to me (families had been trying to set us up, he was trying to fend me off because he had been told I was the kind of crazy you don’t stick your dick in). I reacted poorly to him being a dick and we wrote each other off. Luckily he remained friends with my brother. He came over one day at the start of summer and just never left. My brother would conveniently go to bed early when neither of us were tired. We would stay up all night talking and laughing. That summer turned into 13 years and still going strong.”
6. He stepped on my foot at a convention. Hard.
“He stepped on my foot at a convention. Hard. I gave him a death glare that scared him, but then our respective groups kept hanging around each other, we got to talking, exchanged Facebook info, and the rest is history. Going on 8 years now. I still give him grief over stepping on my foot and he still jokes about me putting ‘the evil eye’ on him, but I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”
7. He was the worst employee ever.
“I worked for a major supermarket as a checkout supervisor at 17, and my now-husband came on as a casual. He was the worst employee ever, it would get busy and he would be nowhere (wandered off to talk to someone or something, who knows). We had several serious arguments about it, he had a pretty serious issue with the manager though so after a few months he was put in produce and loved it and was the manager within a few months.
Turns out we actually get along- started as chatting in the lunch room, then chatting late at night on msn messenger.
We’ve been together 12 years and he’s a store manager for that supermarket in a major city now (not in our small town). Been married 8 years.”
8. I was immediately put off by the stone-faced, sour-faced, drill-sergeant-faced, resting-bitch-faced lump of coal.
“My flirtatious new friend took me to meet the ‘crew’ at their table and I was immediately put off by the stone-faced, sour-faced, drill-sergeant-faced, resting-bitch-faced, joyless-for-five-whole-minutes, completely disinterested lump of coal in this group of friendlies. Then, without warning, a smile I’ll never forget. We spoke for hours on the phone that night and every night thereafter for weeks.”
9. Fuck him and his fucking rude-ass first impression.
“There was this overnight grocery guy who was a massive jerkwad. I said hi to him and complimented his sweet Batman-themed sleeve and he just growled at me. I thought, ‘what a fucking dick’ and moved about my life. This was March 2013.
I see him a few more times and I just ignore him. Fuck him and his fucking rude-ass first impression. One day, I go to work really early and hit up the nearby drugstore for a Frappucino despite there being a Starbucks not even five feet away. I was super tired, alright? Well the cashier working was really talkative and I go with it. She sees my uniform and goes, “Oh, you work at Grocery Store! You must know who my son is!” I ask what his name is and she tells me. It doesn’t ring a bell, and she describes him. Turns out it’s the rude fuck. I tell her he was rude to me. She just mentions that he’s pretty surly when he wakes up. I just nod in agreement and don’t really change my opinion that Rude Fuck was just a rude fuck.
Fast forward almost a year. Rude Fuck is reading a book while he waits for work to start. I think it was a classic literature novel, I’m blanking on which one. I comment on it. We make the most minimal of small talk. Turns out he likes to read. So do I.
The next time I see him, he’s wearing a hoodie from Aladdin the Musical. I comment on it. I somehow end up getting his number.
The intent was never to start anything because I was in a three year relationship at the time. And Surly Overnight Guy was in a relationship too. We just sort of text one another.
Two months go by. My relationship falls apart. To be fair, it was dying and there was an ultimatum that was made that I wasn’t going to deal with. Surly’s relationship had deteriorated too, because she wanted to start seeing other guys.
I think the first real indication I had a thing for Surly came from the fact I was slightly jealous his girlfriend came to visit him. Imagine my elation when I heard they broke up.
That was May 2014. Our first official date was May 8th 2014 and Surly and I show up wearing nearly identical purple fitted plaid shirts, without prior planning.
July 2014, I find out I’m pregnant with Surly’s kid. I lose the baby September 11th 2014. Surly and I move in together November 1st 2014. Surly proposes June 15th 2015. I became Mrs. Surly October 31st 2016. I got diagnosed with cancer May 28th 2017. Declared remission October 16th 2017. Discover I can’t have kids of my own due to chemo in November 2017. Last active treatment for cancer was December 22nd 2017.
Couldn’t have done any of it without Surly. Also, his mom was right. He is a surly fuck when he wakes up.”
10. I figured he was a dick.
“Worked retail together. I thought he was a cutie but he ignored my existence, so I figured he was a dick. I walked past him and another co-worker talking and the co-worker says ‘hey, she used to be fat. Come join the used to be fat club!’ Not an ideal start to my first conversation was someone I was crushing on lol. Future hubby thought I’d get embarrassed or pissed, but I joked and laughed about it instead. Sense of humor is huge for him, so knowing I could take a joke broke the ice and we haven’t stopped laughing together since, it’s been almost three and a half years. Turns out he didn’t talk to me because I’m a pretty confident person and he found it intimidating lol.”
11. He scared my movers away when I moved in next door to him.
“Was moving into a trailer park. Figured my neighbors would be kind of redneck. While the movers were carrying my furniture in, my next-door neighbor and his friends decided to target shoot off into the woods, which scared my movers and caused them to leave me with a nearly full moving truck. In my anger, I went to the neighbor’s house and told him off for scaring my movers away. He and his friends felt so bad that they unloaded the rest of the truck for me. My next-door neighbor now lives in my house with me.”
12. All he talked about was sex.
“My partner and I met on Tinder and I quickly wrote him off as random horny guy #887, because all he talked about was sex so there wasn’t really anything that made him stand out from the crowd. I moved to a different city without having met him but once sex was not an option we kept talking and I got to know more about him. We finally met a few months later. I love this guy like crazy, been dating exclusively since our first date 2 years ago.”
13. He was always so grumpy and I just thought he was kind of an asshole.
“My now husband and I used to work together ~8 years ago. He was always so grumpy and I just thought he was kind of an asshole. He left about a month after I got hired. Flash forward to ~3.5 years ago, we reconnected at a mutual friend’s going away party. Come to find out that the reason he was so grumpy was because he just hated his job (where we worked together) and was miserable at work. After chatting for a couple hours we found out we had a lot in common and really hit it off. A few months ago we got married. Never in a million years did I ever think we’d end up together, much less married! Yay! :D”
14. I was in a bad mood so I didn’t acknowledge her.
“Her friend (who I didn’t know) decided to bring her onto a table me and my friends were having drinks at. I was in a bad mood so I didn’t acknowledge the two girls I ended up having a bit of an argument with them then a couple days later I saw her again smiled at her then ended up exchanging numbers and now I realize she’s the greatest girl I’ve ever met.”
15. She threw up sushi, beer, and sake INTO MY DOOR PANEL.
“First real date with my wife, we go get sushi. I’m nervy because well, she’s freaking hot (5’4″ of sassy Chinese with large doe eyes…I’m hapa myself in case you were wondering) and smart I and pretty much knew I was going to end up with her forever. So…I start drinking with the chef to try and calm myself.
Fast forward two hours later he’s passed out in a booth (it was late, everyone else had gone home) and on the way back to my place she threw up sushi, beer, and sake INTO MY DOOR PANEL. Poor thing had tried to stick her head out of the window but missed.
For two months I tried but failed to get the stench out of my car, but I could not. We’re talking pouring a bottle of Febreze, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, soap, all that jazz into there…but nothing worked. Car smelled like rotten fish up until the day I got tired of it and traded it in.
We’ve been together for 16 years…married 11, with two kids. Happy ending! Also the chef and us are great friends, we love to tease my wife about that fateful night!”
16. I proceeded to give her shit for the rest of the year every time I saw her about bringing her ‘vibrator’ to school.
“Met in high school and I once threw her schoolbag in a tree as a way of flirting. Her electric toothbrush fell out and I then proceeded to give her shit for the rest of the year every time I saw her about bringing her ‘vibrator’ to school.
A year or so later we dated but I got her in trouble with police so her mum stopped me seeing her.
Fast forward 18 odd years and she saw a comment of mine on a mutual friends Facebook post and sent me a friend request. She was in England and I was still in Australia. We have been married for 15 months and have our first baby due in March.”
17. I said, ‘someone get this asshole out of my way.’
“My first encounter with my now husband was at a coffee shop where we both worked. It was his first day and they were showing him around. I was trying to get a bin of dishes through a doorway and said, ‘someone get this asshole out of my way.’ (I was a bit of a bitch back in the day. It was the 90s and I had that grunge angst thing working).
A year later, I’d come back from a study abroad program and he asked me out. I stood him up. He asked me out again. I stood him up. The third time he told me I’d better not stand him up because this was the last time he would ask.
In September we will celebrate 20 years of marriage.”