1. She cashed a check and when they asked if she wanted big or small bills, she said regular size.
“She cashed a check and when they asked if she wanted big or small bills, she said regular size.”
2. She wanted more global warming because ‘it would bring the dinosaurs back.’
“She wanted more global warming because ‘it would bring the dinosaurs back.’ The earth was warmer when they were dinosaurs (how she knew THIS part but still drew her conclusion I’ll never know) so warm earth = dinosaurs. Never convinced her of this one.”
3. She insisted that Kim Jong-un was the leader of North Carolina.
“When she insisted that Kim Jong-un was the leader of North Carolina.”
4. She thought giraffes laid eggs.
“When she thought giraffes laid eggs.
From there, I would ask about every animal—egg or no egg. LITERALLY GOT EVERY ANIMAL WRONG.
My favorite response was, ‘If dolphins don’t lay eggs, then how do the babies know how to swim right away!?!’”
5. She thought that the tax man was an actual person and when he died we no longer had to pay tax.
“My wife thought that the tax man was an actual person and when he died we no longer had to pay tax.”
6. She thought Condoleezza was a type of rice.
“When I discovered that she thought Condoleezza was a type of rice.”
7. She thought everyone was saying Adult Hitler instead of Adolf.
“GF thought everyone was saying Adult Hitler instead of Adolf. She was convinced people were saying Adult Hitler to emphasize the atrocities being performed during his adult life, as opposed to his childhood.
She had never considered that we never do the same for any other historical figure. There’s no Adult Stalin, adult Genghis Khan, or Adult Mussolini.”
8. ‘If Romanians are from Romania, where are Romans from?’
“‘If Romanians are from Romania, where are Romans from?’”
9. She couldn’t believe that dogs had vaginas.
“Ex-girlfriend, an otherwise smart lady, once asked me if dogs had vaginas. I explained that most female mammals have vaginas, and she said ‘I know, but dogs? really?’”
10. She thought turkeys were male chickens.
“When she thought turkeys were male chickens.”
11. She thought Canada was a state in the USA.
“My wife thought Canada was a state in the USA.”
12. She didn’t know what clouds were.
“My ex didn’t know what clouds were. At the time I thought it was cute and funny. Now I just see it to be really fucking stupid. Man, I hate that bitch.”
13. She once asked me if Anne Frank was the last Jew.
“This is definitely not the best thing to post, but my girlfriend once asked me if Anne Frank was the last Jew. I could not believe it.”
14. She believed people were able to breathe with their ears underwater, but you had to train very hard.
“Oh boy, I’m almost glad I’m late to this thread because this one is very embarrassing.
She believed people were able to breathe with their ears underwater, but you had to train very hard and that’s why almost no one did it. That’s why there’s people who can last very long underwater.
Swear she is a completely functioning human being.”
15. She thought eggs were vegetables.
“We were talking about eating better, and the food pyramid, and how that’s what they use to teach us in school. We arrive at things we like to eat, and where it falls in the food groups, and the conversation goes like this:
Her: ‘I love eggs, I’m glad that the veggies section was always so big.’
Me: ‘Wait… what? Veggies? What?’
Her: ‘Actually…what are eggs anyway? They’re…vegetables right? Yeah they are vegetables.”
This woman has a Master’s Degree.”
16. She cooked me a cup of noodles with no water.
“Cooked me a cup of noodles with no water.”
17. She accused me of making up the word ‘hypocritical.’
“When the ex-wife accused me of making up the word ‘hypocritical’ after telling her that her actions were just that. ‘You think because you’re smart you can make up words to call me and I won’t notice?’ One of those moments where you open your eyes really wide and take a moment to process what you’re hearing.”
18. While driving her car, she said, ‘I know I left my car here somewhere.’
“We had just started dating and she was going to pick me up near a bus station in a parking lot. I see her driving up so I hop in. Then I notice she’s looking side to side, kind of confused. So I ask what’s the matter?
And I shit you not, she says ‘I know I left my car here somewhere…,’ she says this with both hands on the steering wheel, operating a moving vehicle. God bless her.
She was one of those people who really excels academically, but has 0 common sense or basic awareness. I suspect she’s a professor of some highly technical field now.”
19. She asked me where this country ‘Arab’ is located.
“I’m half-Arab.
She asked me where this country ‘Arab’ is located…I told her there is no such country so she asked me if I’m coming from the country ‘Muslim’ (I’m not even Muslim).
Since my father is Muslim she asked me ‘Why your father hate us?,’ because she was thinking that Muslim and ISIS was the same thing.”
20. She asked if it smells like steaks when you set a cow on fire.
“‘If you set a cow on fire does it smell like steaks?’
Still gets me to this day.”
21. She didn’t know what a bison was.
“I dated a girl in college who had no idea what a bison was. I was doing homework and listening to a Coltrane album, really getting into a solo, and she commented I made a face like I got hit by a bus. I replied ‘more like trampled by a herd of bison’ because of how much the solo ruled. She had a blank expression on her face so I gave her examples like ‘Oh give me a home…where the buffalo roam…,’ Buffalo Bill Cody, the Texans’ logo, Wild West, etc. She was certain I was lying about there being millions of these fluffy extra-muscular cows roaming around America.
She also swore up and down that pomegranates give you breast cancer and that tea was always made from powder.
The light was on, but absolutely no one was home.”
22. She thought seahorses were the size of horses.
“My wife had never seen a seahorse in person, and only knew of them from The Little Mermaid. She legitimately thought they were full-size and was wildly disappointed when she we saw them at the zoo, saying “these are just the babies, right?” She calls them Sea Liars now.”
23. She thought that limes were unripened lemons.
“When she thought that limes were unripened lemons.”
24. She thought being vegan meant you couldn’t wear jeans.
“She thought being vegan meant you couldn’t wear jeans.”
25. She vehemently argued with me that your thyroid is definitely located in your thighs.
“When she vehemently argued with me that your thyroid is definitely located in your thighs and got her friend to concur.”
