1. Ate spam and eggs out of a Frisbee because I ran out of paper plates.
“Eat spam and eggs out of a Frisbee because I ran out of paper plates.”
2. Drunkenly tried to feed a juvenile black bear boiled shrimp by hand.
“Drunkenly trying to feed a juvenile black bear by hand with boiled shrimp from a shrimp cocktail.”
3. I deep-fried a Hot Pocket covered in pancake batter.
“I deep-fried a Hot Pocket covered in pancake batter.”
4. Rode a horse to the convenience store while carrying a revolver.
“I have ridden a horse to the convenience store while carrying a revolver on several occasions.”
5. Got run over by a riding lawnmower while I was riding a dirt bike.
“Got run over by a riding lawnmower while I was riding a dirt bike. Ended up getting thrown into a ditch and breaking my collarbone. Being from Alabama probably doesn’t help, either.”
6. Got too drunk to fish.
“I got too drunk to fish. Then I used an empty bottle to attempt to tomahawk a duck whilst I was reliving myself standing in a boat.”
7. Drove my riding lawnmower to the town bar.
“Drove my riding lawnmower to the town bar.”
8. Shot at a woodpecker in my underwear.
“We had this woodpecker who would constantly peck at our chimney in the spring/summer. In the summer mornings my dad would go outside in his underwear and shoot at it to make it stop. One day I was looking after the house while my parents were away and the woodpecker decided to bang on the chimney at 5am. Not knowing what else to do I found myself outside in my underwear shooting at a woodpecker.”
9. Shot prairie dogs off my back porch for entertainment.
“Shot prairie dogs off my back porch for entertainment (and pest control, their holes will fuck up steers and horses) over winter break. I had a bit of a moment when I realized I was just sitting on the porch with a rifle and a book, shooting and then reading while I waited for the prairie dogs to resurface.”
10. Murdered a rattlesnake then ate it.
“Some friends and I were hiking to our campsite about 6 miles from the nearest road. There was a rattlesnake there when we arrived. Dudes dropped a rock on its head. Then we skinned it, grilled it, and ate it…”
11. Got wasted on Tennessee moonshine.
“Got wasted on moonshine that my coworker from Tennessee dripped himself.”
12. I pooped next to a river and used my shirt to wipe.
“Well, I pooped next to a river and used my shirt to wipe and then left my shirt under a rock in the river.
I tossed empty beer cans into the back of a pickup.
Do either of those qualify?”
13. I sang the National Anthem at a NASCAR race.
“When I was 7, I sang the National Anthem at a NASCAR race.
Afterwards I hung out in the VIP area with the Incredible Crash Test Dummies (Vince and Larry) and Smokey the Bear. Since they were ‘backstage’ they weren’t required to wear the big dumb costume heads, just the costumes with their people-heads sticking out. I was a weird little kid, so naturally I was fucking thrilled.”
14. Made s’mores with a Bic lighter.
“Made s’mores with a Bic lighter. Today.”
15. Super-Glued a backyard wrestling wound shut instead of getting stitches.
“I was drunk one day and was attempting to wrestle with my cousin, who is about twice my size. I went to jump through the air and give him the people’s elbow, ended up busting my head open on the corner of the table instead. We Super-Glued the wound shut instead of getting stitches.”
16. Lemonade made through a washing machine.
“A buddy of mine once made a few adjustments to an old washing machine (from someone’s lawn, of course) so he could toss in a bunch of water and drink mix, let the machine do the mixing, and have sweet summer lemonade come out of the drainage hose. The idea of drinking lemonade mixed with decades of clothing-filth and years of lawn-rust didn’t seem to bother him, but he labeled the thing a failure, as the lemonade was “too watered down.””
17. Weed-whacker in place of a gas pedal.
“Gas pedal on my truck wasn’t working. Ran some weed-whacker string from the throttle in the engine bay through the driver side window so I could pull it to accelerate. Got me to the auto parts store so I could get it fixed.”
18. Shooting at a broken-down truck on the lawn.
“Growing up, we had a broken-down truck on the lawn just for shooting at. It was there long enough that a tree grew up through the bed.”
19. A ‘pool’ in the back of a pickup truck.
“I grew up in a small redneck town there have been many. One that comes to mind is a group of friends and I, on a hot day, put plastic down in the back of a friend’s truck and filled it with water then we climbed in and relaxed in our ‘pool’ while driving around town.”
20. Shooting June bugs off the living room walls with a pellet gun.
“Sit on the couch drinking beers out of a cooler at our feet and taking turns shooting June bugs off the living room walls with a pellet gun.”
21. Nails, hammers, and beer.
“One of many things but one of my favorite drinking games ‘stump.’ Start with a stump and a nail set in the stump for each player. Everyone takes turns tossing the hammer in the air, however you catch it is how you have to hold it to knock other players nails in before yours gets knocked in. If your nail gets hit you take a drink, if it gets fully knocked in you finish your beer. If the hammer flips twice in the air on your toss you get to take two stabs at hitting a nail. That’s typically when the fun starts. Lots of beer and people tossing hammers typically in the dark. There have been incidents.”
22. New TV on top of broken old TV.
“New TV on top of broken old TV.”
23. Cooking roadkill.
“I’ve hung and dried tobacco, bootlegged, and assisted in cooking dead animals found along the road.”
24. Went muddin’.
“Went muddin’. Watched my girlfriend pull down her cut off shorts and squat down next to the truck to pee. Drank Natty light. I’m not white.”
25. Smashed a possum on my principal’s mailbox at 80MPH.
“Not proud of it, but it happened nevertheless. My friends used to smash our principal’s mailbox with a baseball bat while riding past in a truck, well I guess he got sick of it and built a brick casing around his mailbox. We were trying to figure out how we were going to fuck with it and one of my friends said, ‘I hit a possum earlier today, we should hit his mailbox with that!’ So we go back to his street and sure enough, the possum was still there. So we grabbed it and at about two in the morning we sped past our principal’s mailbox with the dead possum flailing out of the window (my friend holding it by the tail) and smashed the ever loving shit out of this mail box, it was probably at about 80 MPH. The impact was so loud it sounded like a gunshot. My friend leans back in the truck still holding the damn thing’s tail with no possum at the end of it. And that is the most fucked up, stupid, redneck thing I’ve ever been a part of.”
26. Tubing with a jug of chokeberry wine.
“Floated down the Comal [River] in an inner tube with a jug of homemade chokeberry wine dragging behind on a rope, while wearing Levi’s cut-offs.”
27. Went to a wedding where the bride and groom used to be step-siblings.
“I went to a wedding once where the ‘open bar’ was a keg of Busch Light and plastic tubs with ice of Boone’s Farm, the plates/silverware/cups were all plastic, and the bride and groom used to be step-siblings.”
28. I like to sit in my garage during summer thunderstorms and drink beer.
“I like to sit in my garage during summer thunderstorms and drink beer. Often I’m also BBQ’ing, with the doors open, of course.”
29. Drank beer and cigarette ashes.
“Accidentally ashed my cig in my freshly opened beer can, realize what I had done, and then drank it all anyway because I didn’t want to waste my beer.”
30. Had a John Deere tractor-themed wedding.
“Had a John Deere tractor-themed wedding…even left the reception on a tractor and wedding pictures taken with them.”
31. Used a Swiffer pad as a bandage.
“Moving with some friends, I cut my leg open on a piece of metal. Didn’t have a first aid kit handy, so we wrapped it with a Swiffer dry sweeper pad and some packaging tape and went back to work. Probably needed stitches, but it healed fine! Picture.”
32. Gone to Walmart on a beer run one summer night with my sweats tucked into my Justin’s and a John Deere hoodie.
“Gone to Walmart on a beer run one summer night with my sweats tucked into my Justin’s and a John Deere hoodie. I felt like a real country girl that night.”
33. Brought two goats home in the back seat of a 2005 Mustang.
“I live in Southeast Texas, but by far my best was bringing two goats home in the back seat of a 2005 Mustang.”
34. I was hunting before I could walk.
“Redneck shit is my forte. I grew up in Appalachia. TV consisted of 4 channels, Internet didn’t exist and fun was whatever you could do for free. For example, when I was little, my friends and I would run around the yard and catch bees in empty peanut butter jars. The goal was to catch as many bees as possible until you got stung. Then you’d loosen the lid so it would fall off when dropped, shake the bees up, throw the jar and run and try to get away without getting stung.
My buddies and I would throw water balloons at hornet’s nests.
Get drunk and drop old furniture/appliances off the roof.
Play rock battles, which consists of throwing rocks at each other until someone quits.
I was hunting before I could walk. There’s pictures of my dad carrying me through the brush on his shoulders while rabbit hunting.
There’s a lot more, but those few stick out.”
35. I own 12 cars (13 after this weekend!) One is registered.
“Own 12 cars (13 after this weekend!) One is registered. With a battery and fuel, only three of the remaining cars will drive.”
36. Shooting water moccasins from the balcony with a .22.
“Shooting water moccasins from the balcony with a .22 when the flood starts to recede back in to the creek.”
37. Shooting used oil filters across with highway with a giant snow-blower.
“My grandfather and I would shoot used oil filters across the highway by launching them through this giant snow-blower he had.”
38. Peed and fished at the same time while drunk.
“Got super-drunk fishing one day at the beach so I just laid half in the surf so I could pee and fish at the same time.”
39. Shot walnuts out of trees using a Daisy air rifle.
“Picnic at Grandma’s.
My cousin and I decided to shoot walnuts out of the trees over the picnic tables with my Daisy air rifle.
Dad and Uncles take this act of aggression as a challenge, and join in.
Competition and flexing grows in a drunken mix of sibling rivalry, seniority, and dominance.
Grandpa emerges from the house with a shotgun, not to be outdone.
Dad, uncles, and two nephews fall back to the driveway and collect their own shotguns from their trucks, as Grandpa’s overzealous action is interpreted as permission and encouragement to follow suit.
One elderly person, four grown-ass men, two adolescents, and two children, spanning four generations, are now armed and firing upon walnuts hanging defenseless in the trees shading the picnic, yelling celebratory war cries like Wehrmacht soldiers shooting paratroopers from the skies.
Welcome to the Midwest.”
40. Drove to the store using a milk crate as a seat in my truck.
“Just drove to the store using a milk crate as a seat in my truck. I had taken out the seats and carpet to pressure wash yesterday. Got some interesting looks. Also, incredibly fucking dangerous.”
41. Used a PA speaker as a truck horn.
“My truck growing up didn’t have a functioning horn.
So I purchased a CB radio with a PA speaker out and mounted a PA horn under the hood of my truck.
When I needed to beep my horn like because someone wasn’t paying attention at a traffic light, I’d just yell ‘BEEP BEEP’ really loudly into the microphone.
If the person had their windows down I would just yell ‘THE LIGHT IS GREEN’ and watch them internally freak out a little
All in all, it was way better than having a working horn.”
42. Tailgated in a Lowe’s parking lot.
“I’ve tailgated in a Lowe’s parking lot. Just because. A few friends and I broke out the mini-grill and cooler and just hung out for a while. Cops didn’t show up so 10/10 would do it again.”
43. Met up with someone on an old mining road to fight.
“There was the entertainment center made of old crates. Strung some blue LED’s in it just because I had some lying around.
There was the drunken homemade napalm incident.
I have in fact slept in the bed of a truck. On more than one occasion.
I have yelled ‘Git on outta here!’ at animals before—many times, actually.
Drove a truck that had only a single working gauge, the tachometer. Engine wise it was a Frankenstein, several different shade tree mechanics had conspired to give it the semblance of life.
Met up with someone on an old mining road to fight.
Duck-hunted out of a boat that had duct tape sealing a few decent sized holes.
I mean, I grew up in Arkansas, so the list goes on and on.”
44. Threw rocks at black bears.
“Driving my pickup down to the dump, drink beer, and throw rocks at the black bears. One would occasionally get mad enough to run up the slope at the edge of the dump at us, and straight into the chain link fence before bouncing off and falling back down into the garbage heaps. One of my friends always threatened that he’d take a file and weaken the links…”
45. Swatted at pumpkins with a shovel.
“So bored we invented a game called ‘Shovelball’ in which we pitched a pumpkin to a person and they hit it with a shovel. Later we added more rules and used a basketball.”
46. Played greased-up watermelon in a river.
“I played greased-up watermelon in a river with some friends. Once we were done playing a friend smashed the watermelon with his head and we proceeded to eat it.”
47. Using a slingshot and dried beans to drive a possum off the porch.
“Using a slingshot and dried beans to drive a possum off the porch towards my boyfriend with the pellet gun. It got away, which I was fine with.
Or the time sitting around drinking beer, swatting flies then loading the fly corpses into a salt gun with talcum powder and shooting them into the leaves of an overhead tree.”
48. Eating Walmart fried chicken, drinking beer, and floating down a river on inflatable air mattresses.
“My last family reunion I went to involved us all eating Walmart fried chicken, drinking beer, and floating down a river on inflatable air mattresses. My uncle wearing his Daisy duke style cut-off jeans sat in an inflatable dollar store chair and held the radio. The only thing with a real raft was the beer/chicken cooler. A couple of my cousins were fishing off of theirs and caught a turtle that we named Flapjack. They also popped a hole in it.
So yeah, any time spent with my family I guess.”
49. Went ‘tubing’ behind a four-wheeler after a rain using an old kiddie pool as the tube.
“Went ‘tubing’ behind a four-wheeler after a rain using an old kiddie pool as the tube.”
50. I made a pocket out of duct tape in a pair of sweatpants because I needed somewhere to put my iPod.
“I made a pocket out of duct tape in a pair of sweatpants because I needed somewhere to put my iPod.”
