50 Men Describe Their Penis Size Using Nonstandard Units Of Measurement

Flickr / spikenheimer
Found on AskReddit.

1. The length of lifelong disappointment.

“It’s difficult to physically measure disappointment. But I’m going to have to say lifelong.”

A_poc


2. Right around the ‘Eh’ zone.

“More than ‘Awww,’ less than ‘Oh my.’ Right around the ‘Eh’ zone.”

SOMEINTERNETPRICK


3. Three Tater Tots long and the circumference of one.

“Three Tater Tots long and the circumference of one.”

EdgarFartinez


4. Length of a Galaxy S6.

“Length of a Galaxy S6. I’ve uh, measured a few times.”

Slightly_On_Topic


5. Two laughs short of a ‘That’ll do.’.

“Two laughs short of a ‘That’ll do.’”

KatyLiedTheBitch


6. One card short of a full dick.

“One card short of a full dick.”

forlorn_tenders


7. Like one of those deli pickles they sell in single packs.

“Like one of those deli pickles they sell in single packs.”

shitpost-scrub


8. “.00011 nautical miles.

“.00011 nautical miles.”

LaLongueCarabine


9. It’s a ‘holy shit!’ past ‘Ow.’

“It’s a ‘holy shit!’ past ‘Ow.’”

husbandwithabigwant


10. About a third of a standard penis.

“About a third of a standard penis.”

Heavy_Cheese_Gunner


11. I can’t put it through a toilet paper roll.

“I can’t put it through a toilet paper roll.”

DaFuzzyManPeach


12. About 3 bites into half of a Subway sandwich after it’s been toasted.

“Penis is about 3 bites into half of a Subway sandwich after it’s been toasted.”

RB25POWER


13. I’m at least two Tic-Tacs wide and one long.

“I prefer to use candy as a measurement. I’m at least two Tic-Tacs wide and one long.”

Pardcore_horn


14. A baby’s arm holding an apple.

“A baby’s arm holding an apple.”

Toronas


15. If a truly big one is ‘like a baby’s arm holding an apple,’ mine is like a newborn’s arm holding a kiwi.

“If a truly big one is ‘like a baby’s arm holding an apple,’ mine is like a newborn’s arm holding a kiwi.”

TryCoserious


16. A to Z on the keyboard.

“A to Z on the keyboard.”

Kirby711


17. Baby suppository.

“Baby suppository.”

mrdoubleq


18. “Two hands on a good day.

“Two hands on a good day.”

jestert26


19. Pepsi can, but only the little flippy part to open it up.

“Pepsi can, but only the little flippy part to open it up.”

baciti


20. Slightly over half a Subway sandwich.

“Slightly over half a Subway sandwich. Also, thanks to your question I am no longer allowed in Subway.”

JimNightshade


21. Larger than a pony, smaller than a horse.

“Larger than a pony, smaller than a horse.”

kwyk


22. Hot-dog sized.

“I’m hot-dog sized.”

cptmacjack


23. Somewhere around 1.5 metric disappointments.

“Somewhere around 1.5 metric disappointments.”

dmitriy_bismark


24. My penis is 21 clits long.

“My penis is 21 clits long.”

belgarionria


25. Pretty much the size and the girth of the neck of a regular wine bottle.

“Pretty much the size and the girth of the neck of a regular wine bottle.”

flamingospacemarine


26. The diagonal length of an iPhone 6s Plus.

“The diagonal length of an iPhone 6s Plus.”

SeventeenthOfHisName


27. An acorn taped to the bottom of my torso.

“It’d be comparable to an acorn taped to the bottom of my torso.”

ampower


28. 1/4000 of the size of a Boeing 747.

“1/4000 of the size of a Boeing 747.”

T-offline


29. Much smaller than a horse dick.

“You know a horse dick? Much, much smaller than that.”

WannaFuckTigger


30. Pringles can that lost a little weight.

“Pringles can that lost a little weight.”

Manlymoose


31. Crack pipe.

“Crack pipe.”

OPtastic


32. Roll of quarters.

“Roll of quarters.”

NuclearWinterMan


33. Big enough to hide more than two credit cards end-to-end.

“Big enough to hide more than two credit cards end-to-end.”

darkshadow17


34. Egg roll from Panda Express.

“Egg roll from Panda Express.”

JellyKaques


35. Two beach balls and a crayon.

“Imagine two beach balls and a crayon.”

VelZeik


36. 0.00000000000000001586 light years.

“0.00000000000000001586 light years.”

Campbell_Jin


37. A twenty-minute ant trip.

“It took an ant twenty minutes to navigate its way from the tip of my shaft to the base of my balls.”

Lord_Augastus


38. Just over the size of a deodorant stick.

“Just over the size of a deodorant stick.”

so-ny


39. 150 pages wide.

“2 and 1/4 Nerf darts long. About 150 pages wide.”

TheRiverJordan72


40. The diameter of the plate IHOP serves pancakes on.

“The diameter of the plate IHOP serves pancakes on.”

shiftt


41. Roughly the size of an alligator claw, or a farmer’s market yam.

“Roughly the size of an alligator claw, or a farmer’s market yam.”

BarryOakTree


42. 1/80th of a school bus.

“1/80th of a school bus.”

Labrond


43. 0.019999999999999997 football fields.

“0.019999999999999997 football fields.”

Biks


44. Can of tuna fish.

“Can of tuna fish. It ain’t long but it sure is wide.”

That_One_Guy-1980


45. About $2.25 in shipping.

“About $2.25 in shipping.”

ElvisShrugged


46. 1/1000th the size of the Washington Monument.

“1/1000th the size of the Washington Monument.”

jonpolis


47. One Jumbo 1987 Collector’s Edition Macho Man Randy Savage Action Figure.

“One Jumbo 1987 Collector’s Edition Macho Man Randy Savage Action Figure.”

ArtymechgunDoc


48. Ya ever seen the Eiffel Tower?

“Ya ever seen the Eiffel Tower? That’s right, one of those bolts on the leg.”

sekirei0


49. Long enough for four budgies to perch on.

“Mines long enough for four budgies to perch on (the last one might have to stand on one leg though).”

dancinacrossthewater


50. Like a newborn baby.

“I told a girl I had a penis like a newborn baby….She said that was ok, she could work with it. Got her home and got naked, guess she was not expecting a 14 inch 8 lb dick.”

tFalk TC mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog

blog comments powered by Disqus