43 Married People Confess Why They Stopped Having Sex With Their Spouse
"Easiest way to scale back your sex life? Get married. Easiest way to reduce it to twice a year? Have kids."
1. We got married and had kids.
“Easiest way to scale back your sex life? Get married.
Easiest way to reduce it to twice a year? Have kids.”
2. My wife decided three years ago sex is too ‘icky.’
“My wife decided three years ago sex is too ‘icky.’ No discussion no easing into it. Just ‘Nope, not anymore.’ Our marriage isn’t going well.”
3. He likes to finger keyboards more than my vagina.
“He likes to finger keyboards more than my vagina.”
4. Simply put, we hate each other and cheat regularly.
“Simply put, we hate each other and cheat regularly, but we also have a dynamic that nobody can ever replace and love each other for that.”
5. My wife has so many excuses for us not having sex that I can’t name them all.
“My wife has so many excuses for us not having sex that I can’t name them all.
Every suggestion I offer to help her get into the mood—shot down.
About to hit the three-year mark for no sex, and next week is our 10th anniversary.”
6. Honestly we’re both just not attractive anymore. Better to masturbate.
“Honestly we’re both just not attractive anymore. Better to masturbate.”
7. I’m not in love anymore and I want out.
“I’m not in love anymore and I want out.”
8. We’re both on anti-depressants which have totally messed with our sex drives.
“We’re both on anti-depressants which have totally messed with our sex drives. We’ve been together 11 years and we were both on them before we met. She has never really had much of a sex drive and I did a little bit but I’ve gotten on more pills in the last few months which has driven it down a little. She can have orgasms, which I’m thankful for, so when we do have longer sex sessions, it means more and I don’t feel inadequate about being the only one getting anything. When I was in school last year we went on a big stretch from September until December without doing it and even after then, we’ve probably done it 3-5 times.”
9. My ex used to use sex as a way to get what she wanted.
“My ex used to use sex as a way to get what she wanted. Used to use it as tool to manipulate (She’s a certified narcissist) after about a year together I caught on. I completely stopped initiating sex I would go rub one out. She could come to me whenever she wanted but I would never initiate. This went on for 4 years before I figured out you can’t have a relationship with a narcissist. It’s all give, no give and take.”
10. She had a complete mental breakdown and no longer bathes.
“My wife had a complete mental breakdown in ’09 and can no longer work. She is diagnosed bipolar and has extreme anxiety. Unfortunately, one of the things she has anxiety about is bathing, so it doesn’t happen very often. I love my wife, but the lack of hygiene combined with the added stress of taking care of the family mostly on my own means that I’m not in the mood very often. We’ve had sex I think once or twice in the past year.”
11. Got tired of doing all the work and following the exact same script every time.
“Got tired of doing all the work and following the exact same script every time. Took me a while but I finally got the hint.”
12. She gained over 100 lbs., and I am just not attracted anymore.
“She gained over 100 lbs., and I am just not attracted anymore.
This happened over the 12 years we have been married. She’s the love of my life and has given me 2 children. We have talked about it, but it’s not easy. The problem is, she’s lazy, and we’ve talked about that, too. Honestly, I’ve been through an emotional roller coaster of everything from acceptance to resentment to depression. It’s the single biggest stressor in my life (maybe that means I’m lucky, since others have it worse). In the end, I can’t justify splitting up our family over it, so I just deal with it.”
13. I got fat. She doesn’t find me (as) attractive anymore.
“I got fat. She doesn’t find me (as) attractive anymore (fair enough).
Still trying to shed the weight since I miss the sexy times.
Also I’m simply exhausted from work and she’s shattered from looking after our 18-month-old so we are both passing out most nights on the sofa. We then wake up, realize we have missed two episodes of some show on Netflix, and crawl our way to bed to start over the next day.”
14. She says it takes away from her work as a nude cam model.
“My wife cams and since I don’t like doing that with her anymore sex drive pretty much disappeared because she does it every day almost and having sex takes away from her wanting to work or because of her work she won’t want to…so I just please myself and we are good.”
15. She got drunk and said she was sick of acting like my dick did something for her.
“She got drunk and said she was sick of acting like my dick did something for her. She later said that she was just mad and trying to hurt my feelings but I don’t know what to believe. Now she thinks we’re trying to work through it but, in reality, I’m just waiting for our lease to end to kill myself.”
16. She said no often enough that I quit asking.
“She said no often enough that I quit asking.
I’d rather be celibate than accept a pity lay or have her have sex with me out of duty. I’m good-looking and relatively fit, she’s just more interested in exhausting herself with kids and other people and doesn’t save energy enough for me (she’s not a very touch centric person with her affections).
So I just decided to reset my mental expectations so that I’m not disappointed or angry at her. No unmet expectations=not angry with my wife.
It does feel more like we are roommates who are partners in raising kids than anything else though.”
17. It has gotten to the point where I could tell she was only doing it for me, and I began to feel as though I was essentially raping her.
“I gave up.
We’ve been together since the mid-80s, so there’s that. I still find her very attractive, but she has 0 interest. Until last fall we were still doing it, but over the past four or five years it has gotten to the point where I could tell she was only doing it for me, and I began to feel as though I was essentially raping her. I never forced myself on her, but her lack of enthusiasm (to the point of curling up when facing me so I could not see or touch her breasts or vagina) made me feel like a total creep. I was frank with her. She claims she wants to continue, but I just don’t believe it. If I made her dinner every night and she hardly touched it, over time I would get the impression she didn’t like my cooking. Why make the effort if it’s not wanted? That’s how I feel. So I’m done.”
18. My wife developed a germ/dirtiness phobia around year one of our marriage.
“My wife developed a germ/dirtiness phobia around year one of our marriage. It’ll be 5yrs soon and there’s little to no contact of any kind physically at this point.”
19. She started blatantly using it to get something she wanted or to cover up something she did.
“It stopped being fun after 30 years married. She started blatantly using it to get something she wanted or to cover up something she did. That feeling of being played just kills you inside.”
20. I am coming to the realization that she doesn’t love me anymore.
“12 years married. We’re very compatible together in every way but that one. I don’t know what happened. She claims she just doesn’t have much drive anymore. In the span of one year, we had sex one time. And at the one year point, I was gutted emotionally and had almost completely disengaged. I did make an effort to try again and have a nice weekend but when we got to that time, she rejected me again. I flipped the hell out and oddly enough, she didn’t know that it had been, in fact, a year. It got better (subjectively) for about three months but it’s been another three months since last time. I feel like we’re slipping back into the old routine of nothing again.
In these last three months, I have been genuinely observing her. I am coming to the realization that she doesn’t love me anymore. We had people visiting in January and she was all about affection to them. I asked her later if she thought she was the same person around our friends as she is to me. She didn’t take to that question very well but I think it woke something up because she started being more affectionate.
I’m steadily growing bitter about it and I know that doesn’t help at all so it’s a vicious cycle.”
21. She was prescribed several medications that resulted in multiple health issues and is completely asexual.
“We’re both 58 and we’ll be married 38 years in July. Our last intimate encounter took place in August 2002. She was diagnosed with a mental disorder after almost successfully committing suicide during that time frame. She was prescribed several medications that resulted in multiple health issues and is completely asexual. She took care of me and the children in our younger days when I was in the military and frequently deployed. It’s my time to take care of her. She understands I still have needs and would probably look the other way, but I keep my promises.”
22. His low testosterone has slowly taken away his sex drive.
“Low testosterone. It’s slowly taken away his sex drive and has altered him a lot physically and mentally. Our sex life ground to a halt a couple years ago, not long after we got married. However, we’re still happy together and in love and I’m supporting him through it. The desire for a baby seems to be giving him some of his spark back so I think we’re on the up :)”
23. She never initiated and I’m tired of being the only one with a sex drive.
“We’ve been together over three years now. And we stopped just ’cause she never initiated and I’m tired of being the only one with a sex drive. I just feel like my sexual needs are a tiresome burden to her so I don’t even try to anymore.
It doesn’t help the few times we have had sex I have to do all the work. I just don’t feel loved or satisfied if my partner is basically waiting for me to finish.”
24. My husband is not very good at sex and shows no interest in improving.
“The truth: my husband is not very good at sex and shows no interest in improving in a way that will be enjoyable for both of us.
We had very different experience levels when we got together. I’d only had two partners, but one of the relationships was very long-term. He’d had twice that number, but all of the relationships were very short-term. So I knew what I enjoyed. He, it seemed, did not.
No problem. I could teach. I thought it would be OK for him to learn what he liked and what I liked and we’d mesh.
The sad truth? He doesn’t seem to like any of the things I like. Or maybe he doesn’t like sex. Or maybe he doesn’t like sex with me. Hell, I don’t know. And I don’t care anymore.
Because he won’t do the basic stuff. I’m not talking about reciprocal oral sex (though there is that; I love giving and receiving, but guess which is the only one to happen?). I’m talking we’ve been married over five years and he can’t find my clit reliably. As far as I can tell, the only purpose of foreplay, to him, is to arouse himself. If I get going too, great, otherwise oh well. I’m pretty sure I could be a pair of disembodied tits (his fetish thing) and he’d be perfectly happy.
Needless to say, nothing even mildly kinky happens. There has been one thing I introduced that he did more than once, and he took it to such an extreme it was no longer enjoyable for me. Everything else—and this is only mildly naughty Frederick’s of Hollywood stuff—we’d do once, and then never again.
And in spite of all of this, I am the one expected to initiate. By which I mean, when I finally couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore, sex stopped. Completely. We have had sex twice in more than a year, and even before that it was once every few months when I broke down and got something going in hopes that maybe a long break would make him at least pretend to care like he did early in our relationship….
You need two people to talk something out, and he will. not. talk. I mean, when I broach the subject of sex, zero words come out of his mouth.
Outside of the bedroom, he’s not a shitty husband. Not great, but not terrible. Still, the specter of having incredibly short, incredibly bad sex a couple of times a year for the rest of my life is depressing as fuck, and once the kids are grown, I am out of here.”
25. Infertility killed my sex drive.
“Infertility killed my sex drive. Trying to have a baby is fun at first, but then every month that it fails it becomes more and more stressful and like a chore tbh. Then it worked! Then I had a miscarriage and my sex drive somehow dropped even more. We still have sex 2-3 days a month near ovulation time. But now the fertility drugs make my ovaries swell? And sex is painful, but we want a family. Good news is I tried a new fertility drug this month and I wanted sex. Turns out a side effect is increased sex drive.”
26. I got tired of swallowing his cum and taking it up the ass.
“He’s only interested in oral or anal these days & to put it as bluntly as possible: I got tired of swallowing his cum and taking it up the ass. We have two great kids and work together as a team in every respect, but he’s pretty much made it clear that he isn’t interested in normal intercourse. At all.
The thing is—I’d happily give an occasional blowjob. I just don’t think it’s fair to have to give him one on demand as often as he likes with no satisfaction in return. When it got to the point where I started looking forward to anal sex because at least then I’d get off, too, I knew it was time to just hang it up. (Plus, he had this habit of making anal sex last for an absurd length of time, and it starts NOT feeling good after a couple of hours—yes, hours—of having your butt penetrated.)
He got pretty upset about it at first, but he refuses to go to any kind of counseling about it. So after many, many arguments I finally just cut him off cold turkey. He did make a few attempts at regular sex, but his heart clearly wasn’t in it, and he could barely maintain any kind of erection. Plus he had this idea that one time trying weakly to have regular sex earned him a couple of weeks of twice-daily blowjobs and anytime anal, and that just didn’t fly. I get that he was making an attempt, but the point isn’t to be willing to do something you hate just because the other person wants it (as much as I hated the frequency/duration/unfairness of everything else we did, I never hated doing those things). The point is to please them by wanting to do it. And he simply isn’t capable of wanting that one thing so I can’t bring myself to do the rest of it.
The sad thing is, I’m sitting here typing this and feeling guilty that I haven’t gotten him off in a really, really long time and considering giving him a few weeks of what he wants just so I can feel like a good person again.”
27. She almost doubled her weight.
“Long-term relationship (5 years). We haven’t done the deed in about a year, haven’t done it regularly in a normal capacity in over 2.
She gained weight. When we met, she was about 130 lbs. Over time she gained weight and is now at 230lbs. Sexual drive dropped off at the same rate as her weight. Don’t get me wrong. Every other aspect of our relationship is great. We make each other laugh, connect emotionally, protect each other, and I still think she has the most beautiful eyes and hair I’ve ever seen. Our relationship isn’t in risk of breaking. But I just can’t bring myself to do it when everything below the head has turned into what it is.
What kills me most about it is how it will affect her health. She never learned good eating habits, because in high school and college she had pretty severe eating disorders. So not only does she eat like crap, it’s a touchy subject that has to be tiptoed around because freaking her out about weight will just cause her to say ‘OK’ and lose 40lbs/month by eating basically nothing.”
28. He withheld sex, said he didn’t feel emotionally connected with me and we would go months without it.
“He withheld sex, said he didn’t feel emotionally connected with me and we would go months without it. I suffered from depression, anxiety…you name it, mostly stemmed from him being a colossal butthole, didn’t seem to process that when he treated me well I was happy, didn’t argue with him, did more around the house, took better care of myself etc. He’d just treat me worse and worse the more depressed I got, the more depressed I got the less connected I felt, he cheated, I got more depressed, he felt less connected, he sought emotional connections elsewhere…it was a vicious circle.”
29. I’ve had ED for about 3 years now.
“I’ve had ED for about 3 years now, I’m 37, she’s 31. She deals with it by making me have sex with her with my limp dick. She claims to enjoy it while I add oral and finger her, but I hate doing it because it feels like a chore and I’m not hard so it’s only certain positions to use. So I try to avoid it as much as I can until she starts to argue and fight about it. I know I need to change my habits…diabetes, fucked up eating, no exercise, and being depressed but it’s really fuckin hard to stay focused on getting right even though I’m killing myself.”
30. I just taught myself to satisfy my own needs even better.
“My husband has a very low sex drive and some issues from his youth regarding physical contact, so we never had much sex. Married 17 years now, we have 1 kid (planned and executed on my request, impressed we made it!). If I remember correctly we last had sex 5 years ago? Thereabouts.
We hug and kiss, and he gives me backrubs and foot massage. But I’ve given up on trying to entice him into anything more.
I am quite sexual and luckily well able to satisfy myself, so that’s what I do. When I was a bit younger I contemplated having an affair due to sexual frustration, but it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. I wouldn’t enjoy it even though he told me he’d understand. So I just taught myself to satisfy my own needs even better.
Maybe we’ll suddenly hit another phase some day when the kid is grown up, or maybe we’ll just go on like this. We love each other, so whatever happens this is the life and the man I chose. I stand by it.”
31. She is heavily into BDSM. I am not, so we have an open relationship.
“We have been together for 13 years, married for just over 8, no sex for going on 2. We match on everything pretty much, except sexual interests. I don’t think either of us are each other’s types. She is also heavily into BDSM, I am not, and once she started exploring that I pushed to let her enjoy it with people who are actually into it as equally as her. This led to us opening our marriage and now, we both date and have sex with other people, going on 7 years. She is still my anchor partner but now there isn’t any pressure to do something neither of us are really into with each other.
It isn’t for everyone but it works for us, and I feel closer to her since we made this choice.”
32. Our sex was rare and predictable and boring and stayed that way for 20-plus years.
“Our sex was rare and predictable and boring and stayed that way for 20-plus years. My wife refused to discuss or consider changes. My dissatisfaction and discontent were irrelevant. They only thing that seemed to matter was her feelings and her limited tolerance for sex. I was chronically angry.
In March 2015 was the last time we had sex. We were on vacation and having fun and when it looked like she was in the mood, I got excited and hopeful. Bang. But despite my efforts to get her into a position other than missionary, the sex was the exact same thing as every single time since before our kids were born, and I became dispirited. I just decided I was done. We went 18 months after that with me thinking life was better without sex. I didn’t approach her, didn’t hold her hand, didn’t discuss it, didn’t make comments about how hot she was if I saw her naked, didn’t touch her—nothing. It was like we were brother and sister. I never told her that’s what I was thinking. I just knew I was done. Talking about it seemed pointless. We’d tried talking about it so many times and the conversation went the same every time. She never seemed to notice or care that I stopped showing interest, never questioned the fact that I had stopped approaching her and that there was no affection between us.
Fall 2016, I was joking around with her and she was laughing and in a good mood and said she wanted to have sex, but only if we started having it with condoms because that way she wouldn’t have to be exposed to any sperm. (We’re both in our late 50s; she’s done with menopause and can’t get pregnant.) I told her no, I didn’t want to have sex any more. I was fucking done. I told her it is easier if I just assume we won’t have any sex. I don’t come on to her and get rebuffed. I don’t get my hopes up when she gets close to me and it turns out it was an accident. If we’re out to dinner or with friends and it feels like we’re having fun, I don’t come home feeling turned on only to get turned down. I don’t get disappointed when she doesn’t want to discuss sex since now there’s no reason to begin a conversation on that. That part of our life is over and it makes me really depressed thinking about it, but less depressed and less angry than when we had robo-sex three times a year.”
33. It just feels creepy to be crawling on top and doing my business on a bored, uninterested woman.
“I have a very weird situation.
My wife fawns on me and waits on me hand and foot. If I wanted to, she’d let me play video games all night while she did laundry, dishes, cleaned the house…etc….and she’s never complained about it. If I’m playing a game and I’m like, Hey can you bring me a sandwich and something to drink, then poof, she runs off and does it. She doesn’t nag, she never raises her voice.
Even weirder, if I see something that needs to be done like sweeping up some dog hair, she gets mad at me if she catches me doing housework, ‘What? You don’t think I can do my job?’ ‘No honey, you do a great job, the house looks fantastic, I just noticed some dog hair under the couch and wanted to help you out.’ ‘Well don’t. I’ve got it. Just tell me if you see something.’
She’s a stay-at-home wife since I earn just enough money for the both of us and our three kids to live comfortably. I’ve never asked her to, or expected her to work. She can if she wants, but it’s her choice.
THEN we get in bed. ‘Sooo honey, wanna make out?’
‘I’m tired and I have a headache. I’ll just lay here and you can do what you want.’ OR ‘I promise I’ll get sexy this weekend and we’ll have fun.’
The first thing is not something that I want. It just feels creepy to be crawling on top and doing my business on a bored, uninterested woman. The second thing where she promises to get sexy on the weekend never happens at all.
At least three times in the past ten years, I’ve broken down and told her it’s over. I’m done. I want a divorce. Then she breaks down into a heap on the floor. Begs and cries. Says I’m the only thing in her life and that she loves me.
If I persist, she stops eating and drinking. Essentially goes on a hunger strike.
The last time this happened, she even threatened to kill herself. So I give in, and I take her back every time.
For about a month or two afterwards, the sex will be great and exactly what I want. Then it slowly goes back to ‘tired and headache’ land for another year or more before I lose my patience again.
We’re in our 17th year of marriage. The sex was great for about three (?) of them.”
34. Layers of issues from health to addiction.
“I’m planning my getaway. It’s going to take a year or two but I refuse to live without sex for the rest of my life….I’m waiting because children are involved and my financial situation needs to be better.
Layers of issues from health to addiction. He had problems with addiction years ago before we met and his old demons have returned. So I’ve also lost companionship. There is zero desire to go anywhere or do anything. I talked about going to see the opening of Beauty and the Beast for weeks. When the time came, he was well on his way to becoming incoherent. Foaming at the mouth and nodding off. He will drop his phone and pretend it just slipped out of his hand, then drop it again. I’ll admit I over drink, I own it. He will use this if I try to address his multiple addictions. I’ve come to see that we are both enabling each other. I don’t think he is capable of rehabilitation. Or at least, not with me.
I can’t live like this much longer. I feel like I’m being dragged down. No sex is just another problem.
I’m not out of love but I’m not in love anymore. I’m loving and supportive in every way. Still talk dirty etc., but honestly, his sex drive was never very high anyway. It has been an issue for me over the years, having a lot more desire and feeling I’m always the one initiating. Now, he just can’t even get it up when we try.”
35. Anytime I tried to initiate sex she showed the biggest lack of interest imaginable to the point it felt like I was feeling up a shop dummy.
“Been with my wife for 11 years (3 of those married)
In the last year, she has started holding my hand less, giving less enthusiastic cuddles, proper kisses are nonexistent, it’s just quick pecks on the lips or cheeks. Anytime I try to give her a proper cuddle I can physically feel her pulling away and not wanting a close cuddle or kiss. Our sex life used to be great, we did a lot of things, i.e., toys, naked texts, oral (now only I do that) and other bits and pieces but that generally slowed down to sex 3 times a week to 3 times a month and this continued till our child was born 7 months ago.
The first four months were great, she wanted sex more, was frisky and was more physical. Then it just stopped all of a sudden. She hardly gives me a kiss or a hug now. Anytime I tried to initiate sex she showed the biggest lack of interest imaginable to the point it felt like I was feeling up a shop dummy. It’s now been two months without any proper intimacy, and I just don’t know what to do.”
36. Because I hate myself.
“Because I hate myself. She is beautiful and makes it clear that she wants me, but I can’t understand why she would. I guess I picked a good time to have a migraine since I’m wearing sunglasses while I write this. Hope I can change someday before she’s gone.”
371. About five or six years ago sex had become a sterile function.
“Been together 18 years. She’s always been vanilla, I’m, we’ll, Zapp Brannigan. Game for anything, but never any real chances. About five or six years ago sex had become a sterile function.
I go down on her, she has an orgasm, I have to wait it out (literally cockblocked), get in, give her another orgasm, get my own before she dismounts me (or just tells me to finish). Sunday nights, only after she takes a shower. Wants lotion beforehand. It all sounds pretty big and sensual, but it was mechanical as hell.
With the start of some ED, (I can get it up but not sustain if no proper stimulus is applied) I got sick of it. It was crushing to have this thing that was such a part of my inner self, if not a part of reality, to just be so unknowable. After a while I would try every couple months, but it was just maintenance. I was pulling away from her and shutting down emotionally.
Then I met a great girl, gamer like I am, dirty humor, intelligent and drop-dead gorgeous. Way out of my league. It wasn’t long before we were having deep conversations. And God did I get hard over her.
There was a point where I said ‘fuck it.’ And went for the gold. She knew I was married, we even had plans on trying to bring my wife into it. (Did I mention vanilla, like off brand diluted vanilla?)
I told her I wanted to be her lover, and after 4 months, I had the first totally turned on, rampaging sex in years.
As you might have guessed, she was a little more damaged goods than stable. I’d say we got about 6 good months in before she started getting all weird about something I said or did. She was actually trying to ‘ice’ me out (something she said she did to others, hindsight’s 20/20 and all that) when I got a patch of bumps on the side of my penis. HSV 2, it turns out.
Last I spoke to her was to let her know, before she stopped all communication.
Q&A Yes, my wife knows I have it. No, she doesn’t know about her. The time with my girlfriend was the best I’ve been to my wife. Not guilty nice, it was an entire weight between us gone. When I had to confess, wife has not tested positive yet, and now I’m fully celibate.
We came to an agreement (more like I explained to her) that she never was as interested in it as I was, and she was fully capable of going without—amply proven throughout our marriage). I had made my bed I’m lying in it. I don’t tell her how much I’ve lost of what makes me, me. I do my best now to show her affection, but simply avoid any sexuality.”
38. She laughed at me when I said I wanted more sex.
“I’ve been married around 12 years. Married at 19, house, 2 kids, nice cars. Not wealthy but our household income is over 100k. So we don’t starve. Sex hasn’t ever really been great. I joke she’s done it at least twice. After our second I took a hardcore back seat to pretty much everything. I would work 12-14 hours then coach youth soccer like she asked. A few months ago, I had enough. I told her I wanted to have sex more and it had really been bothering me. I didn’t feel wanted and I felt rejected. So, she laughed and said…you can always get yourself off. It didn’t sit well with me. I packed a bag that week and left. I’ve been gone now, 1.5 months. One of the better decisions I’ve made. I’ve saved a ton of money and have been really able to reflect on life. She suddenly is all about making me happy though. Maybe because daddy war bucks is gone. I have a hard time placing it. But she struggles from low self-image. I was understanding for a long time. But if I can work myself to death doing what she asks…she doesn’t need to laugh at my wants.”
39. Due to physical problems she doesn’t enjoy sex, so it feels like I’m raping her.
“Well, it’s a bit of a sore spot for me if I’m being honest. I love my wife, but due to medication and other physical problems she doesn’t enjoy sex. In fact, because of her germ problems it sort of disgusts her. Her body will respond very well, but mentally she can’t get into it and doesn’t enjoy it. So it basically felt like I was raping her, which isn’t so fun (I have a darker side and that sort of thing pushes me closer than I’d like to falling down that hole again). So I try not to bring it up, but due to my past choices and my libido running at the speed of a Ferrari, if I don’t have sex at least every day it causes me physical pain. It’s been about five months, and she’s getting upset with me for how distant I seem. So I try and do things to remind her I love her, like buy her flowers once a month, make her gifts, wrote her poetry/stories, etc. I even managed to snag tickets to the premiere of beauty and the beast. It’s something I have to deal with on my side and she has to deal with on hers. I wish I could help her, but I can’t. So there’s the basics of it.”
40. She has never had a sex drive and when we do have sex, it’s the same script every time.
“I’ve been married for 18 years. I tell her I want to break up about every 3 years or so but she convinces me to try again. We get on okay outside of the bedroom but not great and have never had a sex life to speak of. I would guess we have sex maybe every 4-6 weeks (I masturbate typically at least once a day).
She has never had a sex drive and when we do have sex, it’s the same script every time (I go down on her while she lies there until she coums, then she lies there while I stick it in until I cum). She has no interest in trying anything else and refuses to even consider offering me oral as she considers it ‘dirty.’ I can’t even begin to tell you at 40 years old, how curious I am about what a BJ would feel like.
I am and have always been a super unattractive guy, she is the only one who would sleep with me at all, so it’s not even a case where I could leave and find someone new, it’s really where I just get so weary of the relationship I’d rather live the rest of my life alone than with her.
She is very attached to me (she loves me deeply, I know this) and whenever I try to break up with her it is just devastating to her and I don’t have the heart to go through with it.
I’ve read ‘too good to leave, too bad to stay’ and if you think of it as a 10-point scale where 1 is, ‘LEAVE! GET OUT NOW!’ and 10 is, ‘You need this relationship, cling to it forever,’ then I’m at a 4, ready to leave but she’s at a 9 and desperately needs the relationship to continue.
Despite lack of bedroom stuff, I love her and just can’t bring myself to do that to her.
Honestly, it’s reached a point now where I’m just waiting for my parents to pass on. Once they’re gone I plan to leave my wife, travel somewhere they don’t know me and just end it (I haven’t decided yet whether to go somewhere like South America where I can find the right drugs and an unvisited part of the forest and just disappear or whether to go to a certain country in Europe where you can pay about $8-$10k and they’ll end your life for you legally in a hospital).”
41. He’s made it pretty clear that he’s more interested in anal than anything else, while I’ve rarely found pleasure in.
“He’s made it pretty clear that he’s more interested in anal than anything else, while I’ve rarely found pleasure in it (only thought it was ok when very drunk). He’s said things to me like ‘I’ve never dated anybody who didn’t like it, most girls I know like it, you’re so lame, you’ve liked it before (referring to when I was drunk)’ to try and manipulate me into it I guess. I tried to be open minded, I tried to like it, but I just can’t. It makes regular sex really annoying because he only seems interested in positions that give him a view of my butt. So I’ve grown resentful, I don’t find sex with him fun, and I learned that I could get him to help with chores if I offered anal (which I know is not a healthy thing to do in a relationship, but shit’s gotta get done and I’m only one person).
So there’s that, on top of some issues I have with his behavior outside of sex which have made me slowly lose respect for him. He doesn’t help much with chores, at 31 he is only now learning how to pay bills and use a bank (I had been doing it for the past 10 years, all the while asking him to get more involved, until recently when I found myself very depressed and he had to try and figure it out), he’s too insecure to have honest conversations about our relationship or problems we have, he refused to go to couple’s therapy, he’s often patronizing, brags a lot, and interrupts me (and others) when in conversation.
All that said, he’s not a terrible person. I feel bad painting a picture of some monster. He has great qualities too; he’s very smart, friendly, attractive, and loyal. But the negatives are starting to outweigh the positives when it comes to my attraction to him.”
—the_lambinator
42. He is very cold to me.
“Hello people. Long story short, my husband does not engage or touch me anymore. We have been together for 11 years and married for nine.
He is aware this is a big problem but refuses to do anything about it. For example, last week he had an interview and did really well (so he thought) so I came home early from work, freshened up, put in the black lacy nightie he bought for me a few weeks ago and waited for him…when he got home he said that he was all dressed up and would rather go to dinner. He could not be bothered with getting redress if we has sex.
I have not been touched in many months. He is very cold to me. I have been a loving and faithful wife and have a feeling that now things are going well for me career wise he is actively trying to sabotage our relationship by trying to manipulate me in order to mitigate the control he has lost over me since I have my own money and sources of income now.
I was an ARMY wife, student, and stay at home mother for a time while he was deployed and injured. Now that he is out (med retirement) I feel like we are now useless to him since he does not need the loving wife and child image anymore to forward his career. I feel like we are a throw away family that he does not need anymore.
He refuses to talk about this, get counseling, or attempt to help us in anyway. I am falling out of love with him day by day and all he can seem to do is ignore me, and our daughter.
He does not kiss me, he does not touch me, he does not ask me how I am doing, he certainly does not have sex with me anymore. It is like I am living with a roommate and I absolutely hate it. We had our beautiful days too, but no more.”
43. My wife lost her sex drive because of depression.
“My wife lost her sex drive because of depression. Even when she was happy again it didn’t come back. Whenever she was in the mood, it would go away before we’d even start. 5 times in the past year and a half. She just left me so I could find someone better…”
