25. ‘Don’t call me in the morning’ with a tiny heart next to it tattooed on her ass.
“When I was an apprentice at a tattoo shop, we had a girl come in who wanted ‘don’t call me in the morning’ with a tiny heart next to it tattooed on her ass. Supposedly she lost a bet at beer pong. We asked her, “what if you meet someone you really like? He won’t call you.” Her response was, ‘I just won’t do him doggy style.’ All right then. Guess you have shit all figured out. Way to go.”
26. A guy with the Joker smile tattooed on his lips/face.
“Not the artist; but I’ve seen some guy in my neighborhood once or twice with the Joker smile tattooed on his lips/face. Not the best life choice…”
27. An elephant’s head, with his penis being the trunk.
“I was making small talk while getting a new tattoo and asked what was the weirdest request he’s gotten. A man came in with his girlfriend and wanted a tat of an elephant’s head, his penis being the trunk. He didn’t want to do it so he quoted the guy $900 for it. He said fine and whipped out the cash. In order to do a tat on a penis it needs to be hard, which is where the guys girlfriend came in.”
28. A girl who had an eye tattooed in her neck staring at me.
“I’m not a tattooer, but the other day, in the supermarket, I stood in line behind a girl who had an eye tattooed in her neck, staring at me. Pretty weird that was.”
29. ‘BLACK COCK SLUT’ on top of a girl’s vagina where her pubes were supposed to be.
“My ex tattooed ‘BLACK COCK SLUT’ on top of a girl’s vagina where her pubes were supposed to be. She came in with her husband. They were swingers. It smelled.”
30. A tattoo of a large, veiny dick on his ass cheek with, ‘I love CVN (ship number)’ right above it.
“Guy on my husband’s old ship had a tattoo of a large, veiny dick on his ass cheek with, ‘I love CVN (ship number)’ right above it. He later got it covered up with a flower and “mom” banner. I know this because sailors get REAL weird with nudity when they’re drinking. At least these guys did….”
31. A tattoo of a bloody tampon on his leg.
“I met a guy in Denver that had a tattoo of a bloody tampon on his leg, and markings on both hands that made it look like a vagina when he held them illuminati style. Both he and that artist are nuts.”
32. A girl with a pair of boxing gloves on her hip with a scroll that read ‘hit it like a champ.’
“Banged a girl once that had a pair of boxing gloves on her hip with a scroll that read ‘hit it like a champ.’”
33. A cartoon pizza slice (arms, legs face, etc.) holding an ice cream cone (3 scoops, chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry on top, in that order)
“When I was getting my tattoo a drunken man came into the shop with his friends. The drunken fellow began to describe in great detail how he wanted a cartoon pizza slice (arms, legs face, etc.) holding an ice cream cone (3 scoops, chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry on top, in that order) and how he would like it put on his butt cheek. The looked at this man for about a full second before saying ‘Yeah, I’m gonna need a deposit on that…’ He eventually sent the group away saying that if the man comes back sober he’d do the tattoo for him.”
34. A bird made of rainbows flying out of the eyehole of a skull being held in the mouth of a thresher maw with a naked woman holding a sword on its back.
“A bird made of rainbows flying out of the eyehole of a skull being held in the mouth of a thresher maw with a naked woman holding a sword on its back.”
35. It looks like a gun, but it’s a massive veiny dick.
“Not the most inappropriate tattoo, but surely worthy of a comment. A Kiwi mate of mine got his tattoo for free. Condition was it was the tattooist’s design. If he lifts his shirt you see the handle of a revolver on this hip. A nice detailed handle. But once he lowers his pants instead of a barrel there’s a massive veiny dick. Also turns out the inlay in the handle are balls.”
36. The 100% beef stamp tattooed on his ass cheek.
“My roommate in college has the 100% beef stamp tattooed on his ass cheek…he even got his mom to pay for it.”
37. A grim reaper standing over a pile of dead babies.
“Tattoo artists are never forced to tattoo anything and the good ones will refuse to do anything actually inappropriate or disturbing.
Personal example: was getting some work done and a guy came in for a consult. My artist’s partner was sitting with him getting the details and suddenly got up and yelled, “You can get the fuck out of here, we all have young kids at home.”
Guy was asking for a grim reaper standing over a pile of dead babies.”
38. A lady with ‘husband’s name’s fun house’ around her asshole.
“I asked my tattoo artist the weirdest thing someone wanted to get tattooed. He told me how lady he was tattooing wanted ‘husband’s name’s fun house’ around her asshole.”
39. A squirrel on his inner thigh reaching for his nuts.
“Please forgive me, for I am late to the post. Obligatory not a tattoo artist—but my friend has a tattoo of a squirrel on his inner thigh reaching for his nuts. If anyone notices this, I’ll deliver with a (SFW) picture.”
40. A guy with a tramp stamp saying ‘no homo.’
“I knew a guy from basic training that had a tramp stamp saying “No homo.’”
41. A GODDAMN HUGE WEREWOLF DICK TATTOOED ON MY THIGH.
“Kinda late to the party but I have a story for y’all. When I was 17, I got sent to boarding school for drug misbehavior. At boarding school, I met a lot of really privileged party kids, many of whom lived in Chicago. Boarding school didn’t work out and I moved back to my hometown. About a year later, my mom caught me doing molly in my room and I was forced to go to an out of state rehab. In Chicago. So as soon as I got dropped off, I called my boys to come pick me up so we could throw down. And throw down we did. I overdosed on alcohol and Xanax and woke up in the hospital 1.5 days later. With a white bandage on my thigh. And so naturally, I needed to see what the fuck was going on there because it really itched. I took off the bandage and it was A GODDAMN HUGE DICK TATTOOED ON MY THIGH. A FUCKING WEREWOLF DICK. At that point I was like “huh. Maybe my life really is out of control” and did rehab. Interestingly, I had $8 in my pocket at the start of the night and when I came to I had $12. At least I got some free ink out if it.”
42. A teacher in high school who had a Smurf on his thigh.
“A teacher I had in high school had a Smurf on his thigh that all the kids knew about from past generations. Every class asked to see it.”
43. My friend literally has ‘Your Name’ tattooed on his ass.
“My friend literally has ‘Your Name’ tattooed on his ass….I also have a friend who has a map of “Saskatchatoon”….he has never been to Canada.”
44. A guy with two pigs fucking right on his ass cheek.
“Met a guy who had gotten a tattoo of two pigs fucking right on his ass cheek.”
45. Mickey Mouse with a boner.
“I’m not a tattoo artist, but I got super wasted and threw my best friend the worst birthday party of his life. There was a sketchy tattoo artist at this party, who I asked to tattoo Mickey Mouse with a boner that I’d seen on South Park on my ass, as a present to my friend to make up for said bad party. It was my first tattoo.”
46. A demon baby with sharp teeth and blood spewing from her vagina.
“Not a tattoo artist but I’d like to chime in on a tattoo I had seen during a time I spent waiting on a job interview. A woman next to me was also waiting and while we sat there idle I started to scan her half sleeve arm tattoo which she didn’t bother to cover up. On her right shoulder she had a demon girl looking thing giving birth to a demon baby with sharp teeth and blood spewing from her vagina….was pretty brutal. I got the job but I don’t think she made it through the interview process….”
47. A guy with a 98 Degrees tattoo ‘before they were big.’
“Met a guy with a 98 Degrees tattoo, you know, the boy band. He claimed he was into them ‘before they were big.’”
48. A wolf/devil tail coming out of his butt crack and onto his lower back.
“I turned down a clients request one evening. He wanted a tattoo of a wolf/devil tail coming out of his butt crack and onto his lower back. Another artist in the studio ended up doing the tattoo, I didn’t want my work to end up on one of those “stupid tattoo” blogs or websites, because I’m sure it’s somewhere. The man was in his 50’s maybe, very normal looking, and it was his first tattoo.”
49. A tattoo of Telly Savalas sucking a lolly on his calf that says ‘Who loves ya, Baby?’
“Obligatory, NOT A TATTOO ARTIST, but my friend has a tattoo of Telly Savalas sucking a lolly on his calf that says ‘Who loves ya, Baby?’”
