41. He called my house at 2am repeatedly until I answered and told him it’s too late to talk.
“Met a guy in high school who was really nice. We would talk and hang out at lunch. One day, he called my house at 2am repeatedly until I answered and told him it’s too late to talk. After about the 3rd time he called again and my sister (my guardian at the time) answered and told him to stop calling. He called her a bitch and he stopped calling. The next day at school I avoided him and he followed me around. I made sure to be around someone at all times and he would harass another guy and say “why are you trying to steal my girl?” Then when I was sitting at my desk he sat on the ground by my feet and kept trying to slide his hands up under my clothes. After about a week of this he finally left me alone.”
42. He spent most of his time badmouthing me to whomever would listen.
“We met in a group in undergrad, became friends. Slowly we became closer, I developed a crush on him, started hanging out more on our own, and one night after some drinks it escalated to kissing/cuddling.
I messaged him later letting him know that while I enjoyed what happened, I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to keep it up, as I had feelings for him, and wasn’t interested in a Friends with Benefits kind of setup.
He told me that he kind of had feelings as well, and that it might be nice to see how a relationship developed. So we do. We start dating—dinners, movies, all the physical stuff that comes with a relationship. When he was briefly hospitalized, I spent every night there with him. I opened up to him over time and told him about my history of sexual abuse, family history of substance abuse, etc. He opened up about his history of being used by his exes, how they were all horrible and had treated him horribly, how he’s just always been so nice that everyone takes advantage of him, that all he wants is to find a nice girl who will love him for who he is and that he can treat like a princess.
One night (probably about 4-5 months in) we’re laying in bed together watching a movie and I started telling him about a funny conversation I had at work, “So then I was saying, my boyfriend…” and I feel him stiffen up, and he kind of awkwardly says, “You know we’re not dating, right? Like, I thought we just had a fun thing going…”
So, apparently we’re FWB. The exact thing I told him I didn’t want. I asked him if we could start dating then, and he said he was just too busy for a relationship (even though we were basically in one), blah blah. I told him I was hurt and felt used, and that I wasn’t interested in being anything more than acquaintances in the future.
After that, I slowly started seeing someone, a guy who was actually pretty great and had actively pursued me, and guy #1 FLIPPED OUT. Apparently, even though he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, I wasn’t allowed to be with anyone else.
For months afterward, he spent most of his time badmouthing me to whomever would listen, talking about how I used him, how I’m just like every other slut who thinks she’s too good for everyone, how he had treated me so well and I had ripped his heart out. The worst part, though, was that he told numerous individuals and groups of people all about my personal history. Apparently, a couple of times, after a couple drinks, he would even start to cast doubt on it, comparing what I “did to him” to my past abuse, stating that it was surprising to him that an alleged rape victim would “rape” the feelings of innocent men. We no longer speak, but I still hear about things he’s said about me a couple times a year.
It really made me wonder about all those “terrible” exes he had, and made me put more faith than ever into the thought that the way people talk to you about others is the same way they’ll talk to others about you. What a nice guy.
TL;DR- “Nice” guy starts “relationship” with me, I leave when I find out it’s FWB. Start dating a new guy, “nice” guy flips out, badmouths me to everyone, and betrays my trust. But I’m the horrible one.”