12. I started barking and snarling at him like a mad dog.
“I live in the edge of a bad neighborhood and one night as I was walking my dogs I see this guy start to walk up on me—fast. At first I thought maybe he was a jogger, but he was in regular clothes. So as he gets up right behind me I turn to confront him and start barking and snarling like a mad dog at him until he was scared enough to cross to the other side of the street.
My theory: Out-crazy the crazies. Works every time.”
13. I grabbed the back of his greasy hair and smashed his face into a car.
“Smash his face into a car next to us. For your brief backstory, he popped out of nowhere at 3AM at Walmart as I was trying to get back into my car. He tried to touch me and God knows what else. I was very very lucky I was able to push him into the other car and he turned. Grabbed the back of his greasy hair and slammed once good before I got in my car and bolted.”
14. I pretended that I was a new person who acquired my old phone number.
“After me and my ex broke up he stalked me for two years. He would text me every so often and I would be polite and ask him how he was, then he would start to insult me when I didn’t want to hang out with him. (He cheated on me with another girl.) After getting sick of his random text messages I pretended that it wasn’t my number. When he messaged me I said, ‘Who is this?’ and he was like, ‘You know who it is.’ I replied with, ‘I just got this number and guys are constantly texting it for this chick named—’ my ex apologized and I never heard from him again.”