Beyond Pick-Up Lines: 10 Dudes Reveal Their Go-To Story For Getting A Woman Into Bed

meredith.spear
meredith.spear

1. ‘I LIKE SNUGGLING BETTER THAN SEX’

“I tell them that I like snuggling better than sex. It’s not true, but it always leads to sex.”

2. ‘I’M A VIRGIN’

“I tell them I’m a virgin because the ‘right girl’ hasn’t come along yet. I say that sexuality is a sacred thing that is only cheapened by hookup culture. I say that promiscuity has left a lot of men and women feeling used and alienated. Of course I’m not a virgin, but many girls see it as a direct challenge. I’ve probably ‘lost my virginity’ a dozen times using this method.”

3. ‘I’M A CANCER SURVIVOR’

“It’s pretty cheap to pretend you’re a cancer survivor in order to get laid—definitely cheaper than wooing her with wine, dinner, flowers, and jewelry. But I’ve gotten quite a few ‘sympathy fucks’ by telling women that only a year ago doctors had written me off for dead but that I summoned the strength to live on because I believe in true love and one day I’ll find it.”

4. ‘OTHER MEN ARE PIGS’

“Hard experience has taught me that few things get women more hot and bothered than hearing a man complain about what insensitive douchebags other men are. So I launch into a whole tirade about what brutes modern men are, that they only want sex and that they don’t appreciate women for their humanity, wit, and intelligence. The result? They give me sex, which is all I ever wanted in the first place.”

5. ‘NO WOMAN HAS EVER KNOWN HOW TO SATISFY ME’

“It’s probably pretty despicable of me, but goddamnit if reverse psychology doesn’t work like a charm—I make it clear that I find masturbation far more satisfying than sex with a woman and that I’ve never run across a girl who knew how to satisfy me in bed. They take it like they’ve been challenged to a duel and almost always will make a direct sexual move on me.”

6. ‘I CAN’T WAIT TO BE A FATHER’

“OK, I’m busted! I usually pull out a picture of me that was taken last summer at a barbecue. I’m not wearing a shirt and I’m cradling my infant nephew close to my chest. I tell the girl that I can’t wait to be a father, but that I can wait until I find an appropriate mom. Yes, it’s sleazy and cynical and manipulative, but it stirs something in the female mating instinct and has gotten me laid more times than I can count.”

7. ‘I WAS ORPHANED AT BIRTH’

“Is it really so bad to use deception to lure a sexual partner? Seriously, isn’t wearing makeup kind of deceptive? Hasn’t it been proved that women routinely lowball their ‘number’ of sex partners so they don’t look like sluts? I guess that’s why I don’t feel all that bad when I tell women I meet at bars or clubs that I was orphaned at birth and never knew either parent, nor what it feels like to come from a loving family. The truth is that I have a great family that probably tolerates more shit from me than most. But my little sob story gets me a lot of sympathy and sex. I don’t see it as any better or worse than wearing makeup.”

8. ‘WHAT’S YOUR SIGN?’

“Since nearly all women believe in astrology and almost no men do, I exploit this fact. The first question out of my mouth is to guess what their zodiac sign is. I’m usually wrong, and then they usually just tell me what it is, and then I say, ‘I swear I was going to say Sagittarius next.’ Instant bonding! The rest is easy-peasy.”

9. ‘MY TRUE LOVE DIED IN A FIERY CAR CRASH’

“God, this is awful, but I tell them I’ve only been in love once and that she was taken from me in a fiery car crash only a week before we were supposed to get married. I tell them I haven’t had sex since because it’s too painful. It’s a total lie, but 90% of the time it works.”

10. ‘I MAKE SIX FIGURES—SOMETIMES SEVEN’

“Women complain about being ‘sex objects,’ but the sad truth is that men are ‘success objects,’ and money will get you laid more than good looks will. I guess I’m average-looking, but the minute I tell them I’m a real-estate investor and stock speculator who also writes financial software algorithms for my foreign clients, I might as well be Casanova. The truth is that I’m an Uber driver who goes to community college at night, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them.” TC mark

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  • http://laurenlalasimon.wordpress.com Lala Simon

    Heard them all. Never had a casual hook-up’s with a single one of them. :)

  • http://laurenlalasimon.wordpress.com Lala Simon

    *Never had casual-hook ups with a single guy who used some dumb lines like these. But thanks for warning women with this article that guys like this exist (as if we didn’t know).

  • http://thenewagelawyer.wordpress.com Naomi

    Please tell me this is satirical. Guys don’t REALLY use these, do they?

  • http://belicovaa.wordpress.com Alexandra

    I’m sure the world does have specimens like these … I had to literally bite my turtle neck collar reading #7. The guy is comparing lying about losing his parents with girls wearing make-up??? Is the asshole for real?

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