16. “I’ve always had a really high libido and I hadn’t had sex in years. I need to get it somewhere.”
I’m miserable. My marriage is dead (we don’t even kiss anymore) but my husband is depressed and has said several times that he will end his life if he loses me. He doesn’t shower (once a week, if I’m lucky), and he’s extremely immature. Everything about him turns me off. I know it’s because of his depression and he can’t help it but I just can’t have sex with him. I’ve tried to talk to him about it many many times but he either gets really angry and defensive or just cries.
I’ve been in touch with my ex who lives 5,000 miles away and is single at the moment. He’s unbelievably attractive (works out, etc.) and very attracted to me. We were just friends at first but it has escalated to where we’re basically having webcam sex. We are not in love (we love each other as friends but that’s all) but we’re very, very horny. He’s bought me sex toys and has watched me use them, sends me Snapchats all the time, you know, all that good stuff.
This is keeping me from seeking sex from other men. I know it’s still cheating and I’m not proud, but I’ve always had a really high libido and I hadn’t had sex in years. I need to get it somewhere. I feel slightly less awful about this than I would if I was actually seeing someone.
I was incredibly unhappy and trapped in a loveless marriage. My ex husband was mean, manipulative, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive. I wasn’t looking for anyone else because I’d given up on love or happiness. I thought about killing myself daily.
I met someone else. I asked for a divorce. ex basically threatened to kill himself. I stayed because I was afraid, but I kept things going with the new guy. I thought if I gave him time to come to terms with things being over, he’d be OK.
He found out about the new guy, kicked me out with $0 and used the threat of revenge porn to ensure I didn’t fight for any of my stuff/money. Typical, since stuff and money and status was always what was most important to him.
I regret cheating in the sense that I never meant to hurt him in that way. As terrible as he was to me, I had no malicious intent. I was dumb and scared and felt trapped, and I found someone who made me feel everything I’d been missing out on for years. In obvious hindsight, I should have just left when I first asked for a divorce and the cheating was limited to just one drunken kiss, but I was afraid of what he’d do to himself or to me (and hindsight is 20/20)
I was homeless for a month, and broke for quite a bit longer, but even then I was happier without him than I’d been in the decade with him.