1. “I’m simply a fuckup and incapable of making a good decision. It will catch up to me eventually, I’m sure.”
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I’ve cheated on him with 12 guys I believe. None of these guys ever found out I had a boyfriend and I’ve managed to make 3 guys my boyfriends at once. I’m definitely not proud of myself. I am a compulsive liar and it’s the thing I am best at. In person I believe I come off as a very trustworthy and kind person. I fantasize about being single and living on my own but I never actively try to break up with my boyfriend even though I know he is way better off without me. He is a great guy and has never done anything wrong. I don’t know why I do what I do. I’m simply a fuckup and incapable of making a good decision. It will catch up to me eventually, I’m sure.
Because I am a bad person and I hate and am scared of commitment. That being said, I have never actually been in a fully committed relationship at least on my part. They have always been committed, I think.
Sometimes when I meet an interesting or attractive guy I place his name on one of three lists in my head. These three lists are titled: to maybe date, to maybe fuck, or fuck him and be done with it. Usually they go on either of the last two lists.
I do not want to be hurt, which is ironic because no one does and I definitely hurt people. I don’t cheat out of passion, though I do like sex. I cheat because they become overly clingy. It is not their fault; I do it because I am scared for my independence. Lord knows, if I did not have that, I would have nothing.
Not cheating currently, but have cheated in the past. There’s a huge difference between love and sex. In some situations, I think that it isn’t that you don’t love your SO, as humans we are naturally curious, so really it’s only natural that you’d want to experience sex with other people. I loved my boyfriend, I was only in it with other guy for the sex. Despite this, I still hated the guilt.