13 Heart-Ripping Testimonials Of How It Feels To Be Suicidal

8. Life is filled with pain.

I know what it is like to feel like suicide is the only option. Life is filled with pain. I was abused growing up. I was made to feel worthless by one of my parents, someone who is supposed to guide you and love you. It still affects me to this day. I really believe that if your childhood was bad, it is very hard to ever be happy. Go to a rehab, or a jail, or a mental hospital, or any place with broken people, and ask them how it was growing up for them.

But let’s say someone who is suicidal actually had a great childhood. The one common thread they have is the internal pain. It is not pain you can understand unless you’ve experienced it. Depression. The best way I can describe it is a mixture of extreme apathy, malaise, and sadness. Life feels muted when you are depressed. Colors are not as vivid, food does not taste as good, music does not sound as good, nothing feels like an accomplishment anymore, you feel trapped everywhere you go because it all feels so pointless. Getting out of bed feels stupid, and then going to work, going to classes, doing anything you are “supposed” to do feels like it takes every fiber of your being to do, and then when you finish, you feel like it was pointless.

Now, this is all on a relatively “good” day. Factor in the many snares life can throw at you (getting cheated on by someone who claimed to “love” you, messing up in school/at work, bills, not getting to follow your passion because you have to make money, feeling alone, getting rejected, feeling pathetic) and it just gets worse and worse.

It is this madness that drives people to suicide. Of course I am basing this mainly from my experience, but also of others I have met who are depressed.

9. The last moment before you take the final step is unspeakable.

I attempted suicide about 2 years ago at age 30. Someone cut the rope and I survived.

Whatever your opinion is of people who exit early, the last moment before you take the final step is unspeakable.

People who have not felt depression to that level simply do not understand.

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