25 People Remember The Dumbest Argument They’ve Ever Had

1. Toilet paper: over or under?

My college roommate and I didn’t speak for three weeks because of an argument regarding toilet paper roll placement. It started off as a discussion, then an argument, then to the the point where he called my sister a whore and I broke his wrist.

OVER. It goes over.

2. Do you get a receipt when you get an abortion?

I had a very lengthy debate about whether or not you get receipts with abortions. Neither of us were in any form of relationship or pregnancy scare, and both of us were men.

3. I was mean to her in a dream.

She got pissed at me because “I” was mean to her in a dream

4. Does turning “up” the A/C make it hotter or colder?

I had an argument about the proper way to turn “up” the A/C.

Turning up the A/C makes it colder.

5. If fruit was able to fight, which kind would win?

Fighting with my brother about which fruit would win if they were sentient and could fight.

6. Who stunted the broccoli’s growth?

My wife and I got into a screaming match because our broccoli wasn’t growing as well as we thought it should, and clearly it was the other person’s fault.

7. Which weighs more: a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?

I had an ex argue with me “over which would weigh more, a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers.” We went back and forth forever while I tried to explain it to her.

It did not help when her mother chimed in with “what about a pound of wet feathers?!”

The apple does not fall far from the tree.

8. Which side is your left hand on?

When I was six my friend and I stood facing each other, arguing about which hand was your left, and which was your right. It took us about five minutes to realize that, when standing opposite someone, your left side is their right.

9. How do you pronounce “selfish”?

My friend was convinced selfish was pronounced shellfish. I wrote out the word out, sounded it out…and it was like I was saying the sun was blue, she just wouldn’t have it. Idk if she was screwing with me, but 2-3 years after that whole argument we got in a different argument about her basically being a bitch and she says “sorry, I was being shelfish” I couldn’t stay mad at that moron.

Edit: No, I’m not friends with Sean Connery.

10. Do green flowers exist?

Whether there are green flowers or not. She strongly believed there weren’t; only plants are green

11. Does the game “Oregon Trail” promote communism?

I had an extended argument about whether or not Oregon Trail (the game) promoted communism. Like, this was like 20-30 minutes of arguing.

No. No it doesn’t.

12. I was wearing shoes!

At my old job, I’d gone to get something off the printer and when I got back to my desk the director came over to me and pulled me into his office for ‘a word’.

‘Jenny, you need to make sure you’re wearing shoes.’ ‘I am wearing shoes.’ ‘You weren’t just then, when you walked to the printer.’ ‘Uh… Yes I was.’ ‘No you weren’t. I saw that you weren’t wearing shoes. Please make sure you’re wearing shoes in the office, it’s for health and safety.’ ‘I was wearing shoes.’ ‘No you weren’t.’ ‘YES I WAS! I WAS WEARING SHOES!’ ‘NO YOU WEREN’T!’ ‘Why wouldn’t I be wearing shoes? Why would I take my shoes off to go to the printer and then immediately put them on when get back to my desk?’ ‘Listen, just make sure you’re wearing shoes at all times.’

Baffled.

I was wearing fucking shoes!!!

13. How many toes do humans have?

The number of toes humans have. He insisted the only toes were the big ones, and the rest were digits.

The hundreds of thousands of websites didn’t deter him in his answer of “two”

14. Who painted the Mona Lisa?

That the Mona Lisa was painted by Leonardo DiCaprio…

15. Is “Stairway to Heaven” a good song?

When my daughter was three, we were driving home together from the park and Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven came on the radio.

She told me to change the station, it was a bad song, and I told her no, it’s the best song ever, you should listen to it. She then proceeded to tell me ‘I hate this song!’

I was like ‘You’re three! This is the best song ever, you don’t know anything about it…oh my god I’m arguing with a three year old.’
We got home and she took a nap.

16. How do you spell “touché?”

Me and my buddy had a stoned argument while watching food network at 10am instead of going to our class. Is it touche or touchet? We fucking had it out, telling each other why our version was correct, and more importantly, why the other person was gayer than eight guys blowing nine guys. We brawled in the living room for like 20 minutes.

Oh sure, we could have just gone in the other room and googled it, but those roasted potatoes with scallion and honey mustard vinaigrette looked fucking ridiculous. Can you believe Guy Fieri’s fridge has a racing stripe? Man.

Eventually we’d decide who cares and put on mario kart. But I mean, secretly I knew “of course it has a silent t, it’s French!” was a dumb argument.
I miss college.

17. What color is Bella’s underwear in “Twilight”?

In 5th grade:

“Bella wears gray underwear in Twilight!”

“No, her underwear is dark purple!”

18. Who cooks the potatoes tonight?

I once barricaded myself in the bathroom with my then girlfriend screaming at me and trying to break down the door, over who got to cook potatoes that night.

19. You stole my wish!

Might get buried, but I witnessed a friend berate her boyfriend because he wished on a shooting star before her and “stole her wish”. Same couple had a huge blow out because he took a sip of her juice…

20. Violent, seven-hour argument over an avocado.

Not me personally but I once witnessed a seven hour argument over an avocado which resulted in various kitchen items being thrown across a room and some of the worse abuse I’ve even seen two people scream at each other…

21. Are salsa and picante the same thing?

Best friend literally wouldn’t talk to me for a couple days because I argued salsa and picante sauce are the same thing.

22. What time of the day is “AM”?

I argued with my ex-wife over when AM was, and when PM was… and not some philosophical or semantic debate. I mean, she argued AM was how we label the afternoon — that the A was for afternoon.

23. Do you still love me?

Do you still love me? of course I do sweetheart. So you don’t love me anymore!

24. Do you like to argue?

My father said something about how I always disagreed with him just because I liked to argue. I said that’s not true. Smash cut to both of us arguing about how neither of us enjoy arguing.

25. Does frosting turn a muffin into a cupcake?

My ex and I got into a very, very heated debate about if you put icing on a muffin then it’s a cupcake. Bull shit. Absolute bull shit. Completely different recipe. We’re still friends 6+ years later and every time someone mentions muffins/cupcakes around us we just death stare each other.