The Four Distinct Stages Of The INFJ Door Slam


As an INFJ, I am naturally drawn to people who will open up to me.

For the most part, I love hearing about the intricate details of peoples’ lives: their fears, their childhood, and their relationships. I enjoy the process of challenging people, and helping them self-actualise. Or, as my friends say, I am a ‘people-fixer’.

Like other INFJs, I protect myself from people who will abuse this part of me. And I do it by ‘slamming the door’. What you might not know about your INFJ is that they have probably been burnt by a lot of people they cared deeply for. They gave too much, to a toxic person. The tendency to love selflessly is, unfortunately abused far too often, so your INFJ has developed a mechanism to screen out this pain, and the people likely to inflict it.

So, what is the process when your INFJ slams the door on someone in their life?

Stage One: A Second Chance.

INFJs believe in the goodness of humanity, so we will initially look for the good in someone. And they will try to focus on this, even when those around them are verbal about their dislike of a given person. We will look to explain their bad behaviour, and we will encourage them in their journey of personal development.

Stage Two: Festering Resentment

Your INFJ is very aware of the motivations of others, so when someone refuses to engage in self-reflection, or continues to make the same errors, your INFJ will grow to resent the pity-party and manipulative games. They will still try to look for the best, and still try to guide their friend in the right direction. They simply have a lower tolerance for the other individual.

Stage Three: The Door-Slam

Often, a small gesture will break your INFJ and cause them to slam the door. The final straw is often one otherwise harmless encounter, conversation or even one sentence. At this point, your INFJ will decide that it is no longer worth investing their limited resources for human interaction into this person. The door-slam is often silent, but it will be merciless.

Stage Four: The Fall-Out

Ongoing interactions with someone your INFJ has slammed the door on will be harsh. Where they once had patience, they will now be blatantly intolerant. They will not try to hide this. Your INFJ will be offended by everything the person who has received the door slam says and does. They will over-react. They will be angry. But it is unlikely your INFJ will engage in a direct confrontation. They do not think an argument is worth their time. The individual is effectively dead in their eyes. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Lizzie is trying to unlearn everything she has been taught for the past 22 years. She is a tea-drinker, a barista, a dreamer. And a recent graduate.

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