The Four Distinct Stages Of The INFJ Door Slam

marcobertoliphotography
marcobertoliphotography

As an INFJ, I am naturally drawn to people who will open up to me.

For the most part, I love hearing about the intricate details of peoples’ lives: their fears, their childhood, and their relationships. I enjoy the process of challenging people, and helping them self-actualise. Or, as my friends say, I am a ‘people-fixer’.

Like other INFJs, I protect myself from people who will abuse this part of me. And I do it by ‘slamming the door’. What you might not know about your INFJ is that they have probably been burnt by a lot of people they cared deeply for. They gave too much, to a toxic person. The tendency to love selflessly is, unfortunately abused far too often, so your INFJ has developed a mechanism to screen out this pain, and the people likely to inflict it.

So, what is the process when your INFJ slams the door on someone in their life?

Stage One: A Second Chance.

INFJs believe in the goodness of humanity, so we will initially look for the good in someone. And they will try to focus on this, even when those around them are verbal about their dislike of a given person. We will look to explain their bad behaviour, and we will encourage them in their journey of personal development.

Stage Two: Festering Resentment

Your INFJ is very aware of the motivations of others, so when someone refuses to engage in self-reflection, or continues to make the same errors, your INFJ will grow to resent the pity-party and manipulative games. They will still try to look for the best, and still try to guide their friend in the right direction. They simply have a lower tolerance for the other individual.

Stage Three: The Door-Slam

Often, a small gesture will break your INFJ and cause them to slam the door. The final straw is often one otherwise harmless encounter, conversation or even one sentence. At this point, your INFJ will decide that it is no longer worth investing their limited resources for human interaction into this person. The door-slam is often silent, but it will be merciless.

Stage Four: The Fall-Out

Ongoing interactions with someone your INFJ has slammed the door on will be harsh. Where they once had patience, they will now be blatantly intolerant. They will not try to hide this. Your INFJ will be offended by everything the person who has received the door slam says and does. They will over-react. They will be angry. But it is unlikely your INFJ will engage in a direct confrontation. They do not think an argument is worth their time. The individual is effectively dead in their eyes. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

Does struggling with your skin condition feel like being stuck in a toxic relationship?

Coping with a skin condition like Hidradenitis Suppurativa can wreak havoc on your life, much like toxic relationships. It can be obsessive, affect your sleep, performance, and family. It can feel like a draining internal and external battle.

Understand the Patterns
The Four Distinct Stages Of The INFJ Door Slam is cataloged in , , , , , ,
  • https://whatmakesaleksandrahappy.wordpress.com/2016/03/04/oh-yay-introvert/ Oh yay introvert | what makes aleksandra happy

    […] the door slam stages […]

  • https://ohsweetmemories.wordpress.com/2016/05/14/20-seconds-of-insane-courage/ 20 seconds of insane courage – imperfections.

    […] If this helps: read this about the door slam hehe (a few irrelevant points but doesn’t matter) […]

  • https://lazuli82.wordpress.com/2016/05/24/door-slam/ Door slam | lazuli82

    […] The Four Distinct Stages Of The INFJ Door Slam […]

  • https://pauseandrefresh.wordpress.com/2016/09/07/lessons/ Lessons | Pause & Refresh

    […] again on a whole new level just before I start my DY). Thankfully, it’s not to the point of door–slamming anyone, even though in  August, I’ve come so close. It took a lot to have […]

  • https://ambrosiaomg.wordpress.com/2016/10/28/know-thyself/ Know Thyself – The Happiness Paradigm

    […] which thank heavens has a name as well because I though I was just a bitch. It’s called the INFJ Door Slam and damn do I do this. […]

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2016/10/whats-the-opposite-of-the-fe-doorslam-the-fi-repulsion-switch/ What’s The Opposite Of The INFJ ‘Doorslam’? The Fi Repulsion Switch | Thought Catalog

    […] INFJ doorslam has been widely discussed and accepted within the MBTI community. However, this phenomenon is not […]

  • http://nifymag.com/whats-the-opposite-of-the-infj-doorslam-the-fi-repulsion-switch/ What’s The Opposite Of The INFJ ‘Doorslam’? The Fi ‘Repulsion Switch’ | Nifymag.com

    […] INFJ doorslam has been widely discussed and accepted within the MBTI community. However, this phenomenon is not […]

  • http://morespeck.com/whats-the-opposite-of-the-infj-doorslam-the-fi-repulsion-switch/ Whats The Opposite Of The INFJ Doorslam? The Fi Repulsion Switch | Mo' Respeck

    […] INFJ doorslam has been widely discussed and accepted within the MBTI community. However, this phenomenon is not […]

  • https://idyllicnights.wordpress.com/2016/11/09/2698/ idyllic nights

    […] The Four Distinct Stages Of The INFJ Door Slam […]

  • https://anacronicaa.wordpress.com/2016/11/12/dia-12-el-portazo-del-infj/ Día 12: El Portazo del INFJ – Anacrónica

    […] The Four Distinct Stages Of The INFJ Door Slam […]

  • https://evolutionofjoy.wordpress.com/2016/11/26/diary-of-an-infj/ Diary of an INFJ – The Evolution of Joy

    […] The Four Distinct Stages Of The INFJ Door Slam […]

  • http://oncetherewasagirl.org/2018/07/02/no-one-will-read-this-but/ no one will read this but… – jar of thoughts

    […] it and a gigantic piece of metal welded on top of all THAT, for good measure. This is called the INFJ Door Slam, even though I officially always come out INFP on those tests. I do have some INFJ in me, quite a […]

blog comments powered by Disqus