I’m afraid for what life has to bring us
I’m worried that life will be so incredible that it allows us to drift apart and
not even realize we are drifting until it is too late and the
damage is already done
I’m afraid of what people will say, when they hear about us
when they assume the worst and say, i told you so
when they blame it on things that were controlled, like
distance, time, money
instead of blaming it on things out of our control like
the way life brings you the unexpected at poorly timed moments
I’m afraid of falling out of love with you because
I fell so in love you with, everything about you,
and I have spent days learning to love you and love you and love you
and I don’t want to learn what it’s like to let love go
I’m afraid of sharing my emotions with you
will that make you worried that i want to leave?
will you still feel comfortable enough to stay?
will it make you nervous, afraid, alone if I tell you
I need space to think and time to recover
from falling so fast that I’m still learning how to breath?
i’m afraid of losing myself trying to
find you, to stay with you
if i give up everything for you, who do i become?
I’m afraid of just allowing life to be, to let it
keep us together or let it pull us apart because
if we are everything we say we are,
if we are the walls we built around us
and the rumors we prevented from knocking them down,
then we should stay intact
but if we have lied to each other without admitting,
who have we become?
and i’m too afraid of losing us
to discover if we are everything
we should become or if we have been
silently destructing ourselves to become
in hopes we would become something more
and I’m not sure if I’m ready to reveal the truth or lies