1. You can never find your keys. It slows you down when you’re running out the door, it’s all you think about when you’re walking to your car wondering if you’re going to be locked out, but you don’t want to sort through your purse/wallet/pocket/bag to see if they’re in there.
2. You routinely respond to important emails three hours late because you get distracted by other things. You are not on the ~work email~ ball, because they are annoying as hell and, let’s be honest, you don’t like your job.
3. About once a day, you ask someone to call your phone because you can’t find it. And it’s happened so much that you’ve had random people just add your number to their phone.
4. And on that topic, your phone case has a bunch of weird, unidentified stains on it. You keep meaning to order a new one on Amazon.
5. You don’t wake up for your first alarm. Or your second. Just no.
6. And when you do get out of bed, you feel like every bone in your body is yelling at you to NOT MOVE FROM THE BED. Every day, getting out of bed feels like the hardest thing in the world, and you only realize THEN that you should’ve gone to sleep hours earlier.
7. You lose your wallet three times a week. And throughout the day, you often stop and realize you have no idea where your wallet is. Is it with you at the gym? At work? In your desk drawer? At home on your kitchen table?
8. You are always running a little late, and are therefore moving way faster than you should be. And 20% of the time, this causes you to drop or misplace something you really needed to not lose.
9. Every time you get a parking ticket, you wait until the last possible day to pay it, and then you go to pay it and realize you’re five days late and the ticket price has gone up. You want to prevent these things, so that tickets don’t cost you a fortune, but you don’t keep a calendar, a planner, or set any reminders, so it just doesn’t happen.
10. You can’t keep a work schedule to save your life. You’re constantly messaging your coworkers to find out if you have a meeting, a lunch, or a presentation, and then have to scramble to prepare.
11. You are known among your friend group as the perpetually late and forgetful one. Because when one of your friends decides to implement a “dress code” on a going out night, OF COURSE you tune it out and forget, because you have no interest in ~getting fancy~ for a normal night of drinks.
12. And you keep reassuring them that this week things are going to be different and you’re going to be on time …. but it never happens. Good thing they love you anyway.
13. Whenever you buy produce at the store, at least one third of it goes bad in your fridge. It always serves as a reminder that what you should really do is meal plan for the week, but even as you think about it, you know you’re not going to do that.
14. When your parents call, you suddenly think of all the things you were supposed to be doing all day and are like, “Sorry mom, I’m SO swamped right now.”
15. You burn things when you cook, because you get distracted by something on your phone (or maybe you don’t get distracted and just can’t follow a recipe). At this point, you’ve just gotten used to the taste of burnt marinara sauce, burnt broccoli, burnt onions (which are actually delicious), and burnt toast.