32. Hard To Tell
I had a very attractive young lady lay down on my bedroom floor, pull her pants down and showed me her newly installed clit ring.
I told her it was nice and shuffled out of the room.
Pretty sure it was a hint. I’ll never know.
33. So much Baseball
We were married two full years before I finally understood that if she took a bath at night I was going to get some. Watched a lot of baseball while she lay sparkling clean in bed alone.
34. Got Any Porn?
When I was 14 or 15 the neighbor girl asked if I had any porn (I did, duh, and on VHS!) and if I wanted to come over and watch it. Absolutely took her up on that offer. And after an hour or so went home with my tape and jacked off.
In retrospect she wanted it and I missed the hint.
35. Don’t Wrinkle The Suit
Early interaction with my boyfriend-
Me: “That suit looks great on you. It would look better on the floor.”
Him: “That would wrinkle the suit.”
36. “A Dumb Rule”
I was staying the night at a female friend’s house. I had a huge crush on her and it was the first night sleeping in the same bed.
Her: Just so you know, jeans aren’t allowed in my bed. You have to take the off.
Me: Hahaha that’s a dumb rule keeps them on.
That one still stings.
37. He Failed this test
I look back on it now and see how I totally missed the hint. In college, a girl in my class came over to study and when it got late she ended up wanting to stay. I had a couch in my room and said she could sleep on the couch. When I was getting ready for bed.
Her: “I usually have a hard time falling asleep. Do you want to lay down together and watch Netflix with me?”
Me: “Nah, I got a test tomorrow.”
But hey, I got an A on that damn test.
Christina if you’re out there, I’m not gay, I’m just oblivious to hints.
38. It’s Like They’d Both Had A full Lobotomy
Two come to mind…
Once a guy complimented me on my perfume and said something like, “you smell nice, is it Victoria’s Secret?” And I said, “It’s not from VS, but I have something from VS I can show you,” he said, “what?” Like not a sexy “what?” Like a genuinely confused one.
My other one is, there was an “almost” one night stand, unfortunately, the night ended, but we both explicitly said that we wanted sex… so he hits me up for a booty call, but I had just gotten a tattoo, and I told him to wait a day or two bc I just got a tattoo… he said (all via text) “where?” I said, “you’ll need to come find it sometime later this week” and he said, “why can’t you just tell me where it is?” SORRY IM TRYING TO BE MYSTERIOUS AND SHIT.
39. For Future Reference…
Husband and I are in bed, reading/unwinding:
Me: How ya feeling’, hon?
Him: Fine. Why?
Me: Well, I was wondering if, y’know, you were in the moooood.
Him: Sure, you don’t have to ask.
Me: Well, last night I didn’t ask and you weren’t in the mood, so I thought I’d try it this way.
Him: What? I totally would have done it last night, I didn’t know you were in the mood.
Me: I was lying on top of you, naked, kissing you. For future reference, that means I’m in the mood.
40. He Never Got It But It Did Work Out
Me: I think you’re really cute and I like you. A lot.
Him:…. uh, thanks.
Accepting this unrequited crush, I decided I was happy being friends with him.
3 months down the line he spent hours comforting me after a disastrous night and then finally confessed he had feelings for me, going back 6 months. When I asked why he didn’t say anything when I told him my feelings “but I wasn’t sure you liked me.”
That was 4 years ago, he’s still as cute and dense now, and is fast asleep next to me.
41. The Fire Maker
My current boyfriend and I started out in this weird friends-that-flirt stage. I was trying to find a way to get him to make a move. One very hot evening (middle of August) we were sitting in his backyard with a few of our friends drinking beer. I sat on the SAME lawn chair as him, kind of wiggled in, and said: “I’m cold”.
He left me alone in the chair and proceeded to build a giant fire. It took like an hour. When he was finished making the fire he sat back down in a DIFFERENT lawn chair.
