1. Not A Real Fiance
Probably one from about 5 years or so back…
I had just moved to London, and met this guy on a dating website, he was generally not my type. Still, I was fresh out of a long-term damaging relationship and trying to meet new people yada, yada.
Fast forward to the date, and he takes a call from a girl and he says to her – ‘oh I’m just in the pub with (male roommates name)’ I can hear her on the other end getting worked up about something and him telling her to calm down. Alarm bells already ringing.
He hangs up the phone and says ‘that was my fiance, but not a real one, just one I’m with for her visa’ At this point I’m already thinking ‘bloody hell’. He continued on with his excuse ‘She also lives with me’ (in his 2-bed apartment with this other roommate – cozy). ‘Oh yeah, I should probably tell you I’m getting married in three weeks’
At this exact point, I just said ‘well, I’m going home’ and start pulling on my coat.
His reply was even more classic, ‘do you want to help me buy groceries first?’
2. Date Steals Phone
I went for a meal with this girl I met through a dating app and it was going really well. We started talking about movies and then we decided to go to the cinema to go watch Inception. She said there was a cinema nearby but I didn’t know the area at all, so I used the GPS on my phone and she held it and directed me. Once we got there we started walking inside and I realized I didn’t have my phone in my pocket. I said I must have left it in the car and started to walk back to get it. She was trying to get me to leave it and saying we would miss the film but the phone was only about a week old so I was really paranoid about it. We checked the car for about 10 minutes but we couldn’t find it. I asked her to check her jacket and her bag but she said it wasn’t there.
A couple parked next to us so I asked them to ring my number because I couldn’t find it. It started to ring and it was obviously coming from my dates handbag. She took it out and said she must have missed it. I thanked the couple and locked my car and as I turned back around she was walking the other way. I ran to catch up and asked what was going on but she was very dismissive and was barely talking. That’s when I realized it wasn’t an accident and just left her to walk home alone.
3. Girl Destroys Date, Complains About Date Being Destroyed
This was in high school.
Asked a girl out to coffee at a local coffee shop. She says yes, seems excited.
Show up at the agreed upon a time only to see that she’s brought a bunch of her friends. Okay, whatever, I guess this isn’t a date now.
Despite the weird situation, I have fun. Then I get a text from my brother that he’s going to be nearby and could pick me up in his car. Tell the girls that I need to get going. They stop talking and just stare at me. Nervously, I explain that my brother will be there soon. They don’t say anything. I hear my brother honk his horn outside the coffee shop and awkwardly slip out of my seat and head to the car, saying goodbye to the still silent and staring girls.
Then, a week or so later, I get a call from the girl I had asked out. She’s furious that I stood her up, apparently. Confused, I apologize and explain that the whole thing was really weird. She starts to laugh at me and informs me that I’m actually on speaker phone and all her friends (the ones from the coffee shop) are there. They all laugh and make fun of me for being confused and apologizing.
I just hung up and never spoke to them again. I never figured out what their angle was. Prior to the “date” me and the one girl got along well and she definitely seemed to be attracted to me.
4. A Miscommunication
I went on a date with a guy in my apartment block, only to see his disappointed face when my girlfriend called me on the way home. I realized he’d assumed I was gay and that I’d assumed he was just a friendly guy wanted to hang out.
5. “you’re not leaving me, I’m leaving you!”
I was going to have a second date with this girl. She knew of three parties happening on the same night, so she suggested that we hit all three. Sounded good to me, so off we go.
At party one, her best friend from college is there that she hasn’t seen in four years. They immediately run off together, and I’m left with the friend’s boyfriend having a drink. I think to myself, this is no big deal. She hasn’t seen her friend in a long time, and the night has a lot more to go. She comes back after a while and suggests we head on to the other party. Great!
Arrive at second party. My date immediately runs off with some other friends. Like, “Tim, oh my god, how are you doing,” and dashes across the party to find him. I slowly follow behind, but then they keep scurrying on to talk to other people without the girl making it clear that she wanted me to come. I feel really awkward because she doesn’t introduce me or say anything about me. I’m just an awkward guy there that no one knows. I get tired of that and go to the bathroom, where I find that the door has been ripped off its hinges. I find a screwdriver and fix the door before using the bathroom. Fast forward 30 minutes, my date finds me and suggests we go to the final party. But this time, her friend Tim is going to join us. Okay…
Arrive at third party. As soon as we walk in the door, Tim says he needs cigarettes, and the girl and Tim run out for cigarettes and leave me at this new party with all these other people I don’t know. They are gone for 45 minutes, by which time I decide that this date isn’t working out and I should just go home. When my date comes back with cigarettes, I tell her I’m leaving and she FLIPS OUT. She starts screaming at me in front of everyone about how she was going to have sex with me later and how I ruined everything. Then she proceeds to scream, “you’re not leaving me; I’m leaving you,” after which she bolts out and slams the door.
Then everyone at this other party, whom I don’t know, is staring at me while my date, who brought me there, has abandoned me.
Someone eventually comes and offers me a drink. I stay for another hour and laugh it off with the people at the party. Am still friends with some of those fine people today.
Got asked out by a girl I knew and was sort of interested in, but didn’t really know all that well. We went to an open-air jazz concert, not really my thing but sure. Once there she immediately was all over me (hugging, sitting on my lap etc.) Things were going great (or so I thought) It was at that point when things started getting weird: several band members were giving us strange looks from the stage while playing their jazz music. One piano player was mouthing things in our direction, but I couldn’t make out what he wanted. People were rude to me for no reason whatsoever while getting drinks. Long story short: my date knew just about all people there and wanted to get back publicly at her (very large) boyfriend for cheating on her. Don’t hate on me jazzfucks, I’m just an innocent sucka! Awkward ending: I met them both later that evening at the train station and she pretended not to see me.
7. First Time On Tinder
The first time I ever used Tinder was also my worst experience with Tinder. The date itself was fine – a little stiff – but fine. Typical questions like what are you studying, where did you grow up, etc. We ate dinner and I didn’t plan on meeting up with him again.
The next day I got a text from him saying, “Hey.” I text him back “Hi”. He asks me what’s up, I say not a whole lot what’s up with you…
End up getting a HUGE paragraph back talking about his creative process for writing (and trying to direct) a specific type of porno where women crush rats and tarantulas between their breasts. WHAT THE FUCK.
8. Date needs 20 BUcks, is scared of being alone with a woman
We had been talking on the phone for about a month already. He tells me his car is booted – outside of his house. He had a long drawn out story about how he could not get the boot removed. His dad was staying with him and he thought would be able to use his dad’s car but now he can’t. So I go to get him to go somewhere to eat. He starts panicking saying, “oh great, now I’m in the car with you and I’m going to get accused of rape or something.” I asked him what the hell he was talking about. He just kept rocking in his seat anxiously, worried that he would be accused of rape. I drove to the nearest area with food and asked him where he wanted to go. He said he had no money and wanted to go home. So I took him home. Then he asked me if he could borrow $20. I don’t know why, but I gave it to him. After this, he called me repeatedly and I ignored his calls. He texted me asking why he was “not good enough for me to date.” I kept ignoring him.
Fast forward 3 years. He is on a dating site I am on. He messages me but does not remember who I am. He tells me that a year ago his long time girlfriend passed away – the one he had lived with for 10 years. So, he was not staying with his dad, and he was freaking out because he lived with his girlfriend when he met me, right outside of his house. I called him out on it and he tried to pretend I had the wrong guy. But he had the same name and worked at the same place, and looked like the same guy. Very bizarre.
9. A Friend Plays Matchmaker
My freshman year in college I had a crush on a girl from my high school. When I asked her out, she informed me that she only dated women (I am male). She insisted that we were still friends, she just didn’t roll that way. She offered to be my wingman and I gladly took her up on the offer.
A few weeks later she had set me up on a semi-blind date with one of her friends (we’ll call her Monica). The three of us met at Arby’s (because we were fancy) and my friend tried playing matchmaker.
“PimpNinjaMan loves theatre and so do you, Monica!”
“Monica loves music and so do you, PimpNinjaMan!”
The date was going fine, so my friend decided to leave Monica and I alone. We talked a bit more and decided to go see a movie. I didn’t have a car at the time so I hopped in Monica’s passenger seat and we went on our way.
That’s when shit got weird.
About two minutes after leaving Arby’s, Monica receives a phone call. She says it’s her roommate and she needs to answer it. She picks up the phone and I hear a man’s voice. I was a bit surprised, but it’s not too unusual for a girl to have a guy for a roommate.
Monica and her “roommate” get into some kind of argument, and she pulls over to a gas station. Another car pulls in right beside us. Again, I didn’t think anything of it at the time.
Monica turns to me and says “I need to go talk to my roommate. Just wait here for a minute.” I assume she just wants to be on the phone in private, but what happens next will shock you! Monica gets out of the car and goes to talk to the driver of the car that pulled in next to us.
This is where I start to freak out. What are the odds that her roommate happened to pull up right beside us?! I hear a bit of yelling and then I start thinking about an escape plan.
At this point, Monica opens my car door and says “Hey, I’m really sorry to do this but my roommate is going to have to take you home.”
Now, this is the part of the movie where someone in the audience screams, “Don’t you go with him, now! That’s how you get killed! White people always going with the strange man thinking everything will just be a-okay!” I wish I could say I got smart, said, “No thank you, I’ll just walk” and went home.
But I didn’t.
With some combination of confusion and curiosity, I get out of Monica’s car and head into the passenger seat of this stranger. We’re in my hometown, so I know if he goes any direction he’s not supposed to I can just bail out of the car and run to freedom.
The guy was pretty big. I was 6’2″ at the time and he was significantly bigger than me, if that tells you anything. I don’t remember his name, but we’ll just call him Ross. Anyway, Ross starts driving back to my dorm and we’re sitting in awkward silence for most of the trip.
Eventually, he says, “So how do you know Monica?”
I knew something fishy was happening, so I wasn’t about to say we were on a date. I just say “Oh, we have a mutual friend!” and hope Ross doesn’t get suspicious. He just nodded his head and kept driving.
Apparently, Ross was resolving some anger in his head because out of nowhere he starts talking as if we were in the middle of a much more personal conversation.
“Yeah…. A lot of people at our church are upset that Monica and I live together. I think they’re just assuming we’re having sex all the time or something. It shouldn’t even matter since we’re engaged, but it’s still annoying to hear stuff like that, you know?”
I just nod my head as I realize what just happened. Apparently, my lesbian friend set me up on a blind date with an engaged girl, and her fiance came and picked me up to take me home.
I was silent the rest of the night. I told Ross the wrong dorm so he wouldn’t know where I lived, and I got out of the car and just walked around campus for a bit. It was definitely the strangest date I’ve ever been on.
10. Spontaneous Lactation
Internet date; at a bar; first time meeting the guy. He tells me over a bowl of eggplant chips that he’s so good in bed that the last woman he boned spontaneously lactated from the mind-blowing pleasure of it all.
11. Giving A Guy A Second Chance
I met a guy from OKCupid. The first time we met up in a public place and just had a casual chat. It wasn’t a horrible date, but it wasn’t very memorable either. I decided to give him another try because it could have just been nerves. The 2nd date he invited me over to his place… I knew he lived with his parents, but I kind of assumed they’d be away.
They weren’t away. They kept coming into the loungeroom and giving us iced tea and chips whilst he played XBox in his track pants (no shirt) and I sat there awkwardly watching. He didn’t really speak much to me. It was 11 pm, and he was in his 30s.
12. “Donotanswer Penispic”
I went on a Tinder date with a guy who is now in my contacts as “Donotanswer Penispic.” Prior to the date, he seemed normal. We texted and talked on the phone then arranged to meet at a restaurant/bar. He was cute but definitely bitter about something. He was from California and apparently didn’t like this new city we were in. He started talking about sex and blowjobs and complaining about how uptight everyone here is about sex. He invited the waitress to a party his company was throwing, after sending back the French fries he ordered. I showed him a picture of my dog on my phone; he took out his phone and showed me a picture of his penis. We walked out of the restaurant together to get our cars from the valet. My car came first and I left. He texted me later that he had my sweater (apparently I dropped it on the way out) and if I wanted to see it again I’d have to hang out with him. RIP, sweater.
13. A Date Lets It All Out
Met girl on Match. She showed up 20 minutes late. I had to “excuse myself” so I could hide out in the bathroom and write down as much of the batshit crazy things this woman was saying before I forgot.
Topics included, but were not limited to: Daddy issues, her mother loves her brother more, miscarriage, being married before, when “we” start dating, when “we” are married, setting me up with her assistant, how she’ll “fuck me with blood on my face,” things she does when she’s high, Brazilian trance music, adopting children, what’s my dog’s name again, how she doesn’t trust animated movies, why she was 20 minutes late, owning a business, when it’s acceptable to use the c-word, being a vegetarian, her blind cat, her dying uncle, abusive relationships, the city of Tampa, free range urination, and can we order tater tots.
We didn’t go out again.
14. An Extra Greasy Version Of The Fonz
Met a guy online (of course) and after talking for a couple weeks we decide to go out. I meet him at his house because (supposedly) his car broke down that morning. This guy is dressed like an extra greasy version of the Fonz. I try to look past this but secretly I’m devising ways I can destroy his leather jacket and dispose of his pomade. His house was also filthy. If you know someone is coming to your house for the first time maybe consider wiping down the counters and chucking the old pizza boxes.
While eating dinner he never once asks me anything about myself. He rambled on for at least an hour about his job as a customer service representative, repeatedly comparing it to my job as a 911 Dispatcher. Apparently, they are pretty much the same job. He also kept telling me how much smarter and more attractive I was than his ex-girlfriend who he repeatedly referred to as “the bitch ex.”
He wants to go to a movie afterward but I honestly could not imagine sitting through an entire movie right next to this guy (and not just because he would put down his stinky vaporizer). I don’t want to hurt his feelings so I tell him that I think I may have some mild food poisoning and I needed to get him home so I could make a mad dash home. I realized that if I’d rather claim to have diarrhea then go to a movie with this guy it’s probably not going to lead to a second date.
Within a minute of leaving his house, he starts texting me about how great our date was, grilling me to get a time for our next date. I finally tell him that I think he is an awesome guy but our personalities don’t really mesh. He loses it and starts telling me that he’d never fuck a fat, ugly bitch like me and I should be grateful that he lowered himself enough to go out with me in the first place. Oh, and he hopes I die. I no longer felt bad about not wanting to go on a second date. I haven’t been on a date since then… I’ve decided spinsterhood is more my jam.
15. The Pig Lover
Met a girl online, talked it up, and while she seemed a bit immature, thought heck, why not? She casually mentioned she really liked pigs. What she meant to say was she was obsessed with pigs. OBSESSED.
Go to one of the best restaurants in the area for a first date (bad idea). Sometimes pictures are from someone 10 years prior, or the person hides things, etc. But that wasn’t the problem. She looked just like her pictures. But I didn’t even have to have seen her first because everything else gave it away.
She came in a giant T-shirt that had a sparkly pink pig on it. Earrings? Pig earrings. Bracelets? Yep, pig bracelets–I swear her dad might have been Homer Simpson. She had this headband on with a little pig on it. Her shoes? Yep, pigs on the front of the toes! But best of all? She had a GIANT (or at least it seemed giant) pink purse with the face of a pig on it.
You could not stop seeing it once you did. And I’m sure everyone else in this nicer/classier restaurant saw it too. I felt overdressed with her but under-dressed with every other couple there. It was beyond embarrassing. For some reason which I have to convince myself was politeness not stupidity, we still had dinner. But Reddit, it was the fastest damn dinner I’ve ever had at a sit-down place.
I practically blurted out something about how “oh, you really do like pigs…” which she started giggling (oinking?) and going on about how everything she has is pig themed. Then she wouldn’t stop, and it became the dominant part of the conversation. There were a dozen other things that made it a train-wreck, but these were the clinchers to a solid 0/5 date. I remember, afterward, telling a friend of a friend, because I had to tell someone, and then I promptly buried this as my worst date.
16. The girl that hated games
Met this girl online, and the way the conversations went it was always friendly, getting to know you type banter. After a few online conversations, we meet up at a bar by her. The plans for the evening were to have drinks there then go play Donkey Kong Country at her place. Being the oblivious male I am, I genuinely was excited to play some DKC on Super Nintendo.
We meet up at the bar and things go fine. I wasn’t really attracted to her at all, but she was nice and we had an alright time at the bar. So we get back to her place and start watching TV. I look around and don’t see a Super Nintendo. Thought maybe it was in her bedroom. I don’t mention it because I don’t want to be rude. She makes some drinks. We’re watching Drunk History when all of a sudden she looks at me with murder in her eyes “Are we going to stop playing games?!”
I look at her, smiling, trying to play it off, “Do you mean Donkey Kong Country?” She really didn’t appreciate that. She scoffs and then proceeds to chide me about how guys are always wanting to play games and want sex. I told her the only game I was wanting to play was DKC. This is when it got weird. She gets up off the couch, calmly, walks to the kitchen and pulls a butcher knife out of somewhere. She just stands in the kitchen, still with the look of murder in her eyes, and stares me down. She doesn’t move at all, just staring at me with the butcher knife at her side. I look back for what feels like a few minutes, and then I jump up and dash for the front door.
I didn’t even bother closing the door, behind me I hear the door slam hard, and she’s shouting at the top of her lungs, “FUCKING ASSHOLE, PLAYING GAMES, FUCK YOU”.
So a night of what I was hoping to be relaxing, friendly conversation, and Donkey Kong Country, turned into my “maybe I could have been murdered” dating story.
17. Reconnecting With An Old Friend
I was on a train coming home from work and saw this GORGEOUS girl. Couldn’t keep my eye off her. Then I realized I used to go to church with her like 15 years before! We weren’t friends… it was early puberty for me so I was still in the picking on girls and being mean to them phase, but oh well, that’s in the past! I went up, asked her how she’s been what’s she’s been up to. Ah reconnecting! I asked her where she worked, and she told me, turned out we were about a block apart in the city, so I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch one day.
The next day, I text her, we grab lunch, and it’s going splendid, but something is off….. She is asking very general, ‘first date’ questions. Now, while I’m more than happy to answer, it was bothering me…. then it hit me. She didn’t remember me
I must have been so friendly, confident, or something when I approached her on the train that she agreed to the date. And now here I am, thinking I’m reconnecting with someone, and she didn’t remember me!….
Well, the date went great anyway, she had off the next day so we decided to meet up the day after…. Fast-forward to the next night and I get a text from her.
“I just remembered who you are. Don’t text me again. Don’t come near me on the train.”
Apparently, 12-year-old me was an asshole.
18. Inappropriate and NSFL First Date Story
Matched on tinder with a guy who decided that a great story to tell in detail on our date was about the time he fisted a lady and tore her up so bad inside that she was bleeding profusely and had to go to the hospital to get stitches.
After he was done telling the story, he told me he was glad I told him I was super squeamish, because now he wouldn’t try to show me pictures of all the blood he had saved on his phone. He also said he had been on well over 100 tinder dates, and I had managed to land in his top 10.
19. One Date=One Relationship
A guy I’d met a few times contacted me asked me on a date. I had never been asked on a date before and accepted despite thinking him a little strange and having heard some odd things about his family.
He picked me up and everything seemed good, we decided to grab a pizza and eat it in a park. When we went to purchase the pizza, it turned out he worked there and had all his co-workers come out to gawk at me. (This guy wasn’t very popular with the ladies and seemed to be proving he had a date). I’m bad in social situations and got super uncomfortable, but didn’t know how to bail and we went to the park.
It was very awkward and I wanted to go home by the end of it. We mostly just sat in awkward silence and tried not to hear each other chewing. I thought I was going home, but he decided he wanted to stop at his house. I agree because I honestly did not know how to disagree. (First dating experience). His home turned out to be with his parents. (We were both 18-20). This wouldn’t have been so bad had they not had all ten of his siblings (I don’t remember exactly how many siblings he had) and his parents were home and wanted to meet me.
They weren’t just a big, nice family, they were very religious and looked like they belonged to a cult. They all had long hair, homemade clothing, they were home-schooled. The mom said hello, then the dad came in and nobody was allowed to say a word while he questioned me on what me and his son had done on our date and when the family would be seeing me again. It was terrifying. My date showed me his pet turtles, which were really cute, and finally drove me home.
He tried to kiss me after making it clear he thought we were in a relationship after one date. At this point, I almost ran from the car. I messaged him later on explaining that I was only looking for friends at this point in time.
20. Possibly A Mob Front
Well, this one time I took my date to dinner at (what seemed to be) a front for some type of illicit activity.
We had just moved to a new area, and we wanted to check out the local shops and restaurants. While we were wandering, we stumbled into a tiny Italian place. Back home, the small hole-in-the-wall restaurants always have the best food, so we were excited to give it a shot. Big curtains were covering the entry windows, so we had no idea what was inside until we trudged through the door.
Inside, we were met with emptiness and silence. We both immediately thought the store was closed, and I spun around and searched for the store hours posted somewhere on the door. While I was looking, we heard a heavy THUD as a young woman barked “I’ll be right with you!”
She appeared, greeted us confusingly, and asked us ‘what she could do for us’. Which, looking back, is probably a red flag. But we were naive and hungry, so we said we were there for dinner. She looked puzzled but motioned us to follow her to a booth right by the entrance.
She then disappeared into the back, and we heard a muffled conversation between our hostess and a man. The consensus was basically they were not prepared for us or didn’t know how to proceed. I asked my date if she wanted to split, but she insisted we stay for the story.
The square shaped balding man burst through the kitchen door with two glasses of water for us, and in a very loud and deep voice, he explained that it was his birthday, and we would eat what he felt like making us. We whole-heartedly agreed.
We waited around thirty minutes, and he again returned with three large bowls of spaghetti and meat sauce. He placed two bowls in front of us, and one next to me for himself. He sat with us and ate. We had light and awkward conversation with him during, and he kept asking us jokingly if we were cops or with the health board. He was incredibly nervous about us, so my date kept cracking corny puns or awful jokes because he would forcibly laugh at anything designed with humor. We talked about our lives, the cities we’ve lived in, our pets (he had a teacup Chihuahua named Princess) and his wife.
He decided we were good people and didn’t charge us for the meal. We wished him a happy birthday, he hugged us, and we went on our way. Easily the best spaghetti I’ve ever had in my life. The restaurant, unfortunately, no longer exists.
21. It Started With An Entire Bottle Of Champagne
About eight months ago, Tinder date. She suggests brunch at Max’s Wine Dive on McKinney. (We’re in Dallas.) I pick her up at the Arpeggio apartments in Victory Park. She’s not ready, so she buzzes me in. Her apartment is beautiful, lots of high-dollar stuff, no roommate.
We go to Max’s at 1pm. She drinks an entire bottle of champagne by herself. We leave, and in the car she says she wants to stop by a shop in West Village. I park in the parking garage and get out. I look for her and don’t see her. I hear a noise, so I look around my car and she’s squatting next to the wall peeing on the ground.
We go into the shop. She takes a few dresses into the changing room and tells me to come over. I stand outside the changing room and she pulls me inside. She completely undresses, gets in the clothes, asks me what I think, undresses, gets in more clothes, etc.
She takes about $1,500 worth of clothes to the counter and tells the cashier she really has to pee. Cashier says sorry. My date begs, so cashier relents and takes her into the back, but it’s too late. The damage is done. She also buys a new pair of pants.
On the way back to her apartment, she answers a call and starts talking in a foreign language that I can’t place. Couldn’t even guess the continent. She’s very nervous and upset. She hangs up and tells me she has to go to her other apartment at the Cirque, also in Victory Park. She asks me to go in with her. We go into her apartment which is also completely beautiful and belongs only to her. She has a badass telescope that I start playing with. In the mirror, I see her open a safe and put something in her purse. She tells me we need to leave and asks me to take her to my house.
We go to my house and she instantly passes out. Stays passed out for about 6 hours. Wakes up, wants Dairy Queen. It’s closed and she starts crying. I take her to Sonic. She gets a cheeseburger, a chili dog, cheese fries, and a sundae. We come home, she eats it and throws up. Passes out on my couch. I read and go to sleep.
Next morning she asks if she can stay and watch football. I tell her I have plans and need to take her home. She says she can’t go to either of her apartments. I tell her too bad, I have plans, and drop her off at Cirque. She texted asking when we could see each other again but I never responded.
22. No Third Date
I met a girl from Match. All went well, but as a veteran online dater, I only met her for a drink so that we’re not stuck in some awkward dinner thing if we hated each other; apparently that was set for date #2. So, on the second date, she asked me to pick her up outside her place, which I did. I ended up selecting the wrong place from Waze, and we went way out of the way.
I could sense she was a little annoyed, but I corrected it, and off we went to the other location. Dinner with plans to go to a band after. We had an hour wait for a table, but luckily that hour was filled with complete utter silence. Dinner was awkward. Not wanting to be rude, I asked her if she still wanted to see the band. Nope. Take me home. Oh thank god.
So, we pull up outside her apartment building and she looks over and says goodnight. She grabs the door handle but it doesn’t open. It sticks and you have to lift and pull the door in before it’ll open. Her eyes are WIDE OPEN looking at me, as she tries to open the door frantically. I tell her it sticks, and lean over to open it for her. She SCREAMS. I mean, like I’m going to rape her or something. I get the door open as she counter-rapes my ear with her screams. She hustles off up the walkway to her apartment and didn’t even close the door to my truck behind her. No third date.
23. The Dumpster Diver
I went on an OKC date once.
The girl and I drove past a mattress and box spring hand wrapped in plastic.
I drive a truck.
She asked and then insisted that I stop and get the box spring/ She wanted me to put it in my truck and then help her put it in her second story walk-up apartment.
I politely said no, I do not think that is a good idea. That there is a pretty solid chance of bed bugs because sealing an item is what you try first when you have those nasty little things. She was having none of it.
I refused. She started crying, telling me that I don’t know how it is to not have things and that it is easy for someone born with a “silver spoon in their mouth” to write off a free box spring. She didn’t know me at all and made these assumptions based on who knows what.
It was hard to hear since I came from absolutely nothing and worked my ass off to get to where I am.
We pulled into the restaurant, she settled down a bit. We ordered our food.
She answered a phone call at the table; It was a friend that had an extra ticket to a festival.
She reeeaaaalllyyy wanted to go but had just started a job serving food at a restaurant.
I suggested that she not call her boss and ask for the days off. I worked in the restaurant industry when I was younger and I knew that her supervisor would not let her call off from her fist weekend. She called her work anyway. She started crying when her boss said “no.” I felt bad for her boss, not her. Her boss fired her on the spot.
I paid the check with both of our meals still steaming and untouched. On the way back to her house we reached a stop sign. She jumped out of my truck and ran towards a trash pile. She came back with a hand day-glow painted end table and threw it in the back of my truck.
When I got to her house I said nothing. Just put it in park and hit the unlock button.
She then took both of our to go bags and ran off with her “new” end table.
24. Choo Choo!
I was a waitress and I had a table of 2 guys. One was very cute and flirting with me and we exchanged numbers. He asked me out and I said yes. I didn’t really go out much and he didn’t tell me where we were going out what we were doing. Me being young and dumb at the time thought that would be exciting. So he drives me a pretty good way from my house and we go to an elementary school. I was really confused. Apparently, he was a basketball coach and they had a game that night.
So at this point, I notice I have no reception on my phone and I really wanted to leave but I thought maybe we were going somewhere fun afterward so I gave up trying to call someone to rescue me. I sat and watched this game right next to this dude’s mom. Yeah, this was going well.
Finally, the game ended and we go to get in the car and his friend from the restaurant gets in the front seat making me sit in the back. I am super uncomfortable with this and I ask what’s going on. They basically tell me they want to run a train on me. Nope. Fuck that. Take me home now.
I got lucky. They moped and took me home. I was terrified. That was horrible.
25. Joe, From Business School
Had a good friend in uni who disappeared overseas for a year after we graduated. I stayed there to study and teach, and one day I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize saying “hey, it’s Joe from business school, want to catch up for a coffee?”
Hadn’t seen him in ages so I said yes very enthusiastically. I walked into the coffee shop at the right time, look around for Joe, and there’s Joe from business school. A different Joe from business school.
I couldn’t walk out because he’d already seen me, so we chatted politely for an hour and we’ve never talked since.
26. Searching For The Opera House
He took me to the opera, except we never actually got there because, not knowing the area, we didn’t know exactly where it was or how to find it. Later I realized we actually were very close but the opera hall was surrounded by scaffolding, so we didn’t recognize it from the photos.
Instead, we went to Pizza Hut. He spent the entire night talking about website design and computers, which was sort of fine as I’m somewhat interested in those things, but he didn’t talk about anything else and, at points, seemed more like he was interrogating me.
Afterward, he said we couldn’t go out together because I knew too much about computers.
It wasn’t an unpleasant evening. It was just a bit strange.
27. A Sixteen Year Old Lies About Her Age
I went on a date with a boy when I was about 16.
Anyway, he was older, of course. I lied about my age and even though I literally looked 11, he still believed me (super dumb if me, right?) he was in his 20s. “Let’s get a drink, yeah?”
Flash forward and we’re outside of the bar, it’s our time to go inside and the bouncer checking ID asks me about mine. “Uh, oh sorry, I most of left it at home.” I defensively exclaimed. He knew I was bullshitting. I did too. My date looks at me weird and he starts interrogating me, I literally cracked with embarrassment. I started sobbing and at that point, I tried to run inside the bar like I actually had a chance. I even threw a tantrum causing a HUGE scene. Way to show my true age. He holds me back and he found out I lied. He looks at me with a blank expression and I honestly was crushed. It was nothing but silence until he was like, “let’s go somewhere age appropriate then.”
“Age appropriate?” I was shocked, he wasn’t even mad at me. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I just sat in the back of the car, mentally beaten.
We drive for a while and thoughts of being kidnapped cross my mind. Then eventually…
We pull up to a Chuck E. Cheese
And he leaves me there.
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