1. Let. It. Out.
Unless you’re crying all the time, you do you. If you gotta cry, let it out. One of the saddest things in the world is that society has trained men to bottle their feelings and not express it. The people that matter won’t care, and the people that care don’t matter.
2. “If I see a man crying constantly, I don’t assume good things”
I… kinda fall in the “men don’t cry” camp.
Think about it this way. Women cry at the drop of a hat, as a matter of stereotype. If I see a woman crying, I assume there’s something wrong.
But if I see a man crying, I assume something is wrong. There’s a power that comes from rarity. If a man is crying it’s because he reached a breaking point and he needs to let it out.
Death of family is a big one. Death of your dog is another. And sometimes life just throws you in the dirt, kicks you in the ribs, and pisses on you, and you gotta let a little out.
But if I see a man crying constantly, I don’t assume good things.
TL;DR: Crying is okay. Crying all the time is not.
3. No One Should Cry A Lot
My wife has cried maybe twice this year outside of pregnancy overload. Once when our daughter was born (I did too) and once when we hit the two week mark of exhaustion and stress (I did too.)
Women who cry a ton bother me as much as men who cry a ton. I couldn’t handle my wife crying all the time either. She hated being pregnant because of the hormonal crying. I think there’s value in teaching girls that crying all the time isn’t good, either. We make women brittle by coddling them as girls. We make men emotionally distant and tense by pushing them too hard as boys.
I think there’s a happy middle. We can teach everyone that emotion is good, but that we need to be able to handle it as necessary.
4. It’s Hard Not To Be Ashamed
I’m so “indoctrinated”, it is hard for me to not be completely ashamed and fight crying even around people who completely support me and would not think less of me for it. Things like that, set deep down in you, are hard to get rid of…
5. My SO Treats Me Differently
I really try not to, because it changes how she acts. I’m not hugely concerned with the ease of my crying, I just don’t like that it changes how people treat me.
6. Not A Problem, At All
I have no problem showing emotion or crying in front of my SO. Hell, those goddamn commercials about kids getting adopted and finally having families get me to tear up every time.
7. Crying In Front Of A Woman Tells You A Lot About Them
It can be used as a kind of acid test on the relationship (if and when it happens naturally, don’t play stupid games).
I cried recently in front of my SO due to a medical condition that was causing me significant pain. And she comforted me so that went about as well as it could.
If she had been weirded out or anything, that would have been a telltale sign of her being unreasonably unsympathetic and had issues with her perspective on social behaviors in the sexes.
8. It’s Sexist To Think Men Shouldn’t Cry
The idea that men can’t cry is sexist and I don’t subscribe to it at all. It’s a natural way to release emotions and to do otherwise is to withhold thoughts and emotions and make things more difficult for yourself than they need be.
That said, up to a point, I think enduring stress is an admirable trait in either sex.
9. Don’t Cry About Silly Things
Crying over a death of a loved one: understandable.
Shedding a few tears during a tough goodbye where you won’t see each other for a long time: understandable.
Wailing because you had a bad day at work and then the pizza guy is late: Super awkward.
Most people, regardless of gender, find it uncomfortable to deal with strong emotions like crying. But if you are showing an appropriate level of emotion at an appropriate time, that’s normal. If a woman faults you for that then Jesus, good riddance, do you really want to be with someone who expects you to be the pinnacle of stoicism all the time?
10. A Significant other Should Understand
I cried a little when my grandfather died and sobbed like a baby when I had to put my childhood dog down. My wife just hugged me until I stopped and has never said anything about it.
For someone who panicked when she found out she was pregnant with our first child because she thought she would make a horrible mother, her maternal instincts are impeccable.
11. It Should Be Okay But It Isn’t
Society is not yet at a point where men having moments of weakness is acceptable.
12. Keep It At A Minimum
If you’re a man, try to keep it at a minimum, and reserve it for the REALLY IMPORTANT/BIG occasions. You don’t have to be a robot, but don’t do it a lot either, regardless of how much women say you should.
13. Being Emotionally Honest Is More Important Than Stigma
I cry sometimes. Some tears from sadness. Some from joy. Some from the feeling of a caress of my heart from my SO. When I say I love you, that means all of me. I get my emotions and so do you. Yes, as males, we get crap sometimes for that. But I’d rather be emotionally honest and open with her than close up. Always.
14. Women Who Care For You Will Love You Even More
My wife is there for me when I have to let it out an cry. It’s never bothered her or put her off. Unless you’re crying at incredibly inappropriate times (like losing a dollar or some shit), most women who actually care about you, will if anything see it as something bringing you closer together rather than something to make her question you.
15. A Significant Other Should Be Your Solace
IF anything they would be the only people I would chose to cry in front of. For me SO’s are the solace to a crappy day, the closest person to me emotionally.
That said when my girlfriend cries I literally turn into a bumbling mess of “what do, how fix?”
16. Being Macho Is Weakness
We are all human, all capable of great emotions. We as men are taught not to cry, that it makes us weak. But hiding emotions behind a macho wall is what is weak. Being able to be vulnerable with your SO is strong, because you are trusting them to let you be yourself.
If you need to cry, do it. There is no shame, only outdated preconceptions that do not and should not matter, especially with your SO.
I am not afraid to cry in front of my girlfriend. Sometimes I hold it in but only when I worry that I would stress her out. But that is me, and that is rare.
17. It’s The Worst Thing You Can Do
Unfortunately in my experience you’re punished for demonstrating weakness within the context of a relationship.
It’s something I learned quite early on in my love life. Uninhabited crying is probably the worst thing you can do; with a close runner up being an expression of insecurity, doubt or fear about the future whether it’s over your job, your appearance; basically anything.
Although I have learned their is a sweet spot to it. You can express emotion and get away with it, but you have to demonstrate some control. If you’re saying you’re insecure about some facet of yourself, you finish it with ..”and i’m gonna do THIS in order to fix it!”.
Or if you’re more of a cryer, instead of a full-on weep, you just sob a little and let a single tear roll down your cheek. And again, express some confidence in resolving the situation.
Jesus..reading that back, it is so utterly depressing and a full 180 from what I anticipated a loving relationship would be when I was about 16 but that’s just been my experience.
18. Everything In Moderation
Here’s what I’ve learned in my 45 years.
Do: show emotion and shed some tears. Own it. Don’t be embarrassed.
Do not: go full cry baby.
19. Don’t Ever Cry In Front Of Your SO
Women say they want a man who can be open with their feelings but don’t believe that bullshit for a second.
Openly cry in front of a SO? Might as well mark it as the beginning of the end for the relationship. Does it suck? Yes. Is it shitty and unfair? Absolutely. You just sound bitter! Not in the slightest, just an observer of behavior.
The worst of this I’ve seen was when my best friend’s wife left him four months after his mother lost her battle with cancer and he wept like a newborn the day of the funeral.
Wasn’t long after that the wifey thought he suddenly wasn’t “equipped enough” to handle their relationship and started banging her fitness instructor. Thankfully they had no children but that didn’t stop my friend from attempting suicide a month afterwards.
He’s better now but it’s just one of many examples I can think of off the top of my head.