I Am Slowly Getting Used To A Life Without You

girl with pink hair taking a picture
Egor Khomiakov

I am slowly letting go of what we had and knowing that our ending is for the best.

That despite how much I wish I could press the rewind button, we can never go back to the past. As much as I yearn to rewrite our story and change our ending, there is absolutely nothing I can do to avert the inevitability. As much as I grieve and deny what happened, this is only prolonging my pain and accelerating my despair.

The truth is that our ending is as final as death and not even my utmost sincerity and earnest effort can move your cold heart and sway your steely decision. There were too many factors against us but none as fatal as the fact that you chose to give up on us. When the crises proved to be too much, you simply waved the white flag and decided that we were not worth the fight. It was in that shocking moment of clarity that I realized that perhaps you never loved me at all.

For I thought that when you truly love someone, you would be there for them not just for today but forever. While my feeling for you was unshakable and I knew for certain that you were the one I wanted to be with, you only saw me as the current moment and you had trouble seeing what I had envisioned for us.

I am slowly healing my life and seeing that your departure was a blessing.

Now that you are gone, I’m slowly adjusting to my new life. And trust me, it’s hard. You were deeply embedded in every part of my life and my heart feels vacant like an abandoned home. I know that the beginning is the hardest as the memories are still raw in my mind.

I keep replaying our last conversation in my mind and couldn’t believe you are really gone. I keep looking for your name each time my phone rang hoping that it is you reaching out to me. I keep hoping for a glimpse of you everytime I walk past our favorite places.

Not a day goes by without me thinking of you and wishing we could get back together. I’m still missing you more than ever and I’m wondering if I ever cross your mind.

But I know I will withstand the stormy days and I’ll wait patiently for the rainbow after the dark times pass. My life may be enveloped in darkness right now but I know for certain that it doesn’t always have to be this way. I can see glimpses of hope that this too shall pass. In the meantime, I’ll hang in there and believe that better days are around the corner. I’ll seek comfort in the fact that I’m getting stronger each day. I’ll be grateful for all the little blessings that occur to me.

I am slowly learning how to be happy by myself and getting used to a life without you.

I promise myself to face this loss bravely by believing in my own strength and relying on the support of my loved ones. I promise myself to focus on healing and forgiveness so that I can find the serenity that eluded me before. I promise myself to let go of all the dark negativity so that I can build a future with radiating happiness and lightness. I promise to treat myself with an abundance of love and overflowing of compassion until my heart is full of warmth contentment. I promise to let you go and set myself free from the past.

I promise to slowly get used to a life without you because I deserve so much better than what you gave me. I deserve a love that fights for me and never leaves. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Liane White

I write about falling in love and out of love.

More From Thought Catalog