It hasn’t always been this way.
Love used to be effortless and as natural as breathing. It was all butterflies and sunshine. Tender kisses and late night conversations. An effortless connection.
That’s why you did not see it coming. The eventual end. Your great love went down in flames. The heartbreak as depicted in poems and melodies.
You trusted the wrong person. You lost your fight against destiny. You were utterly wretched.
Days, weeks, and months passed in a blur. You don’t know what happened. You were so absorbed in your grief that you would do anything to feel okay. You don’t know how you got through the pain but somehow you did, for you are here now.
You survived the experience and you became a changed person. This loss forever altered the course of your life. You emerged stronger, but more cautious than ever.
However what you are feeling is completely normal.
You are afraid of love because every beginning feels like it’s heading into what seems like an inevitable end.
The accidental eye contact. The first brush of his lips against yours. The electric touch as he interlaces his fingers around yours. The flirty, sweet messages. The romantic gestures of his affection. The good morning and good night texts. Those things no longer thrill you to your bones. They seem to carry an expiration date.
You seem to be living on borrowed time and wondering when everything will come crashing down.
You are afraid of love because you have built your walls high and locked your heart securely.
You have thrown away the keys and make sure your heart is an impregnable fortress. You may be at rock bottom or square one but you have found solace there. You may be lonely at times, but at least you know you won’t be hurt.
Your life may be mundane without all the vivid colors and rollercoaster emotions but there is peace. You decided that closing off your heart is better than the risk of getting hurt again.
You are afraid of love because you no longer believe in the idea of it.
You may have spent a large part of your life chasing it. So many times it eluded you. Yet, so many times you wanted to try again until the breaking point came. Suddenly this unthinkable thought that maybe love is not for you doesn’t seems so impossible anymore. You begin to make peace with it. That maybe the idea of soulmates, and romantic love are not for you. And you are tired of fighting for what’s not yours. You don’t see the point in trying anymore.
That is okay.
Take as much time as you need. Be so comfortable in your own skin that you don’t need to seek out approval from others. Love yourself with every inch of your heart. Devote your attention to the things that make you feel alive. Be picky about who you give your heart to. See past the glittery surface to what is lying beneath.
Let time show you what is real and reveal whose intention is sincere.
Let experiences be the best lessons so that you learn how to stand strong on your own, and when to walk away lest history repeat itself.
For it is when you stop looking for love, love will come.
It is when you stop chasing after people that you allow love to progress naturally. It is only when you love yourself, you can accept the love that you deserve.