For some people, being loved is far scarier than being hated or unseen.
If you are one of these people – Hi! That’s me, too! But guess what? As much as there are reasons behind our fears, we all still deserve to be loved and can allow ourselves the happiness that comes with it.
I know it’s not that simple, familial love, friendly love, dating-love, almost-love, any-and-every-love, it’s all the same. You have spent so long having bad experiences written into the fabric of your skin. You have spent so long seeing the face of love as this inauthentic and toxic reflection that now anything else is tainted with the same stain. You are tormented by the belief that to allow another person into your life is to invite another inevitable heartbreak.
But remember this, you are this example of beauty and strength, purely already from the fact you have been through what you have been through and are still hopeful. Even if you think you have no hope left, don’t forget it was still you who clicked into this article subconsciously looking for an answer.
You still have that little light in the corner of your mind, waiting to shine across the entire of your brain.
But just as you spend your time thinking of everything that could go wrong if you let another person into your life, think also on how it could go right.
And remember this, there are no perfect people. There are no perfect situations, but there are beautiful ones. And they will always be worth waiting for, and worth holding onto.
Like the people that mean it when they say they love you. Like the people that will call you at a minutes notice and hold you when you need it. Like the people that will state a promise and stick by it. Like the people that provide you with love and understanding in the form of words but most especially in the form of actions. Like the people that almost entirely remedy, even for a second, your complete catalog of pain in a simple text. Like the people whose name flashes up and causes your heart to start pumping all over again. Like the people reminding you that what makes you feel so abnormal is what makes you so endearingly authentic.
And like the situations that fill the silence with a great warmth, like a hug with no words but mutual understanding. Like a shared pizza, and a film with no pressure to mention the pain because you already know you’re healing it. Like the moment when you both realize you are scared of losing the other. Like the moment you realize that the fear only brings you closer. Like the moment you truly share the darkness and tell them things that are secret to you and are met with no judgment and no scrutiny. Like the moment you read a paragraph and realise you are already picturing the same people or person and it makes you smile.
Because remember this, you have every right to be scared of love, especially if you have been raised with the definition that love and pain are the same thing. You have every reason to feel fearful of trusting another soul when so many other soulmates have cut themselves from your hip. But the truth is, fear is fuel and fuel is fire and fire is the thing in your chest that keeps you alive. It is the fear that will keep you cautious. It is the fear that will make you love so deeply and care so heartily. It is the fear that you have to find a way to moderate; to control.
Because remember this, you cannot rush fixing something that has been growing, like a vine, up the foundations of your life. You must give it time. You must allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the insanity of it all. You must allow yourself to cry when you find so much love is surrounding you now. But you must cry and do so out of joy because you are transcending into a new era of you and eventually you will realize it was the greatest era of your life.
When your heart makes you fear love, remember this: you too are capable of being loved – truly, honestly, completely.