When an ex-boyfriend of mine cheated on me, I ended up staying with him for a few months after I found out. I know every situation is unique and believe some relationships can survive infidelity; however, I personally do not condone staying in a relationship with someone unfaithful. I learned a lot by staying with a cheater for a while after and trying to make it work, but I learned rather quickly that I wasted a lot of my time on a broken relationship. Don’t be in denial!
1. The cheating was not a mistake on their part.
This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. An unfaithful partner will claim they made the biggest “mistake of their life” by “accidentally” being intimate with another person. No. Do not believe this. No mater how good of an actor or how guilty they feel after the fact, in the moment they were fully aware of what they were doing which brings me to my second point. An action is never a mistake. It is always intentional. Some part of them wanted to do what they did.
2. They are selfish.
In the moment, they were only thinking about their wants and needs. They were ignoring what is good for you and the relationship. If you stay with them, they could show signs of selfishness in other areas of the relationship even if they do remain faithful to you moving forward.
3. They embarrassed you.
Not that you should care about what other people think, but the cheater went out of their way to sneak behind your back and do their dirty deeds. They played you like you were a fool and maybe even thought you were too dumb to find anything out. They did not respect you in the moment or moments they chose to be unfaithful.
4. The memory never goes away.
It will always be there and you will try to hold your tongue not to bring it up in other arguments down the line. When you watch a movie about someone being unfaithful, you’ll be able to relate and realize you’re still with that person. The anger and sadness that you felt will forever be apart of your relationship even if you think you’re capable of moving forward with your life. Even if they were your greatest love, they will always be one of your greatest heartbreaks. Just like you won’t forget the one time they got so drunk and fell down the staircase, you won’t forget when they cheated on you. If you hold it against them if they forget to wash the dishes a few weeks in a row, how do you think you’ll feel if they cheat on you? Save yourself time and energy.
5. You’re better than that.
I know this is a cliché, but there are seriously millions of fish in the sea. Why waste your time repairing something that is broken when you could find someone who will treat you right? When I was cheated on, I spent months trying to get us back to where we used to be. There’s no going back to what used to be, but you have to try and create a new normal. You are a prize and something to be treasured. Someone who betrays you does not deserve you.
I know infidelity has popped up in several relationships and does not always break down a relationship. Some cheaters turn into great partners after the incident and are forever thankful for a second chance; however, if you aren’t married, I think it is wise to move on from a cheater. Why waste another minute of your time on someone who had a bad judgment call and threw everything you had away? I have been in a state of denial where I kept telling myself to stay with a cheater, but now I realize how flawed my thinking was. At least take a break and take some time to process the situation alone and don’t jump right back into the relationship.