Standards in life are crucial, especially when it comes to dating. We all like to see ourselves as being someone who has standards… but do we really?
When I say standards, I don’t mean suddenly developing unrealistic or unhealthy expectations of men. What I mean is having an idea of what you want in a wholesome relationship and sticking to it. We’ve all done it before – lowering or compromising our standards for someone. We’ve all been unhappy with someone’s behavior but somehow found a way to excuse or justify it.
Dating standards are important because they set the foundation for any type of relationship. They make the man aware of what you will and won’t accept. They help you to attain what you really desire rather than settling for just anyone. They save you a lot of wasted time, hurt feelings and disappointment.
Standards are an amazing thing to have, but as with everything, they come at a price – some enjoyable, some not so much.
The very first thing you need to know is once you raise your standards, you are going to put men off.
That’s right, there are certain types of men that will run away from you before anything can even get started.
These type of men are usually the emotionally unavailable ones. The ones who are not looking for a relationship, the ones who tell you every couple of months that they’re ‘just going with the flow’ and ‘want to enjoy what you have now without labels’ – You will scare away men who do not want to put in effort or better themselves, men who do not have high standards themselves and men who may not even know themselves that well.
I hope you realize this is a GOOD thing. How many of those types of men have you encountered in the past? Did dating them ever blossom into a happy and fulfilling relationship? Probably not.
The second consequence of raising your standards is you will be judged by men, or even your friends and family.
Have you ever been told that you’re too picky? Or that you’re not giving someone enough of a chance? Have you ever been called stuck-up?
It’s assumable that you’ll hear that you’re a conceited bitch from a man if you reject him (it’s happened to me and others I know many times) but you should know that there is a high possibility your friends and family may say the same – in a much nicer way of course.
If someone tells you that you’re too picky or that you’re not giving someone enough of a chance, remember – you are being picky so that you don’t give someone the chance to waste your time and energy – two very important things you cannot get back.
Interestingly, I’ve noticed the same friends who say you are too picky are the same friends who seem miserable in their own relationships and repeatedly ask for advice while complaining about their partner. If you want a relationship with someone who you don’t want to be miserable with, have high standards.
When you have standards, you will be single for longer than you’re used to – months, or even possibly years depending on your method of dating and how much time you have to do it.
This leads to the third consequence: Loneliness.
The hardest part of this is you’re going to have to deal with your loneliness on your own. There is a huge difference between being alone and lonely, but there will be times when you crave companionship. There will come an evening when you want someone to be there with you, cuddled up in bed while watching a film. There will be times when you’ll reach for your phone and scroll through your contact list with the aim of texting that guy who you know isn’t good for you, but he will be able to cure that loneliness for a night.
But stay strong. Yes, you will have that warm body beside you, but remember that he treats you like crap. Sure, you’ll laugh together, but over the next week, will he bring you nothing but drama and pain? Though this person may physically be with you, will he also make you feel lonely while he neglects your needs and doesn’t provide you with what you want?
The last consequence of having standards is that you will be a lot more attractive to real men.
Men who have high standards (high-value men) want high-value women. (More about what makes people high value in another post.) These men do not go for ‘low-value women’ because they know what they want and what they will and will not tolerate – just like you should.
At the same time, low-value men who do not have standards do not go for high-value women with standards because these men know they don’t stand a chance, and this is what leads to the running away that’s mentioned above.
I also want to reiterate that when I say raise your standards, I don’t mean that you should search for a man who drives a Bentley when you can’t drive yourself. I don’t mean chase a millionaire when you’re on minimum wage. I mean find the type of guy who brings to the table what you bring.
Are you an open and honest person with a lot of integrity? That’s the type of person you should be with.
Are you a hard-worker with lots of ambition? That’s the type of person you should be with.
Are you good at handling conflict and communicating? That’s the type of person you should be with.
It is never too late to set standards. The rejection from men, the comments from your friends and family and the loneliness will all be worth it in the long run.
In the meantime, stay strong and figure out what type of man you want and believe that they’re out there – because trust me, they are.