I am not afraid of anything anymore

When I was little, I couldn’t bear imagining my life without mom. Losing her tore my heart apart, but here I am. There’s nothing left for me to be afraid of anymore. I clench my teeth and I go on.

I am really upfront. Too upfront.

I don’t understand why people waste so much time not actually saying what they want to say. We beat around the bushes like this is an art. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I realized I am not here to make people feel comfortable.

I am here to debate, to ask, to be curious. I am here to interfere, to shape my system of beliefs, to research, to ask ‘why’ as many times as I feel to. I am argumentative and that is not going to change.

I place responsibility within myself.

Her passing away opened me up to the world in a way I couldn’t have predicted. I exist to make it better. I became an activist in an attempt to change it.

My tolerance to bullshit has reached a historical low.

I doze off to other worlds in a matter of seconds when people start bullshitting. If I need it, I’ll just turn on the TV and watch some politician blabber.

Walking away from pain, I walked in on myself.

I know who I am. It comes with a great deal of torment: do I really not like Rihanna? Am I not really a morning person? Joking. No torment. Knowing who you really are is soothing.

I stumbled upon my spirituality.

I believe in humans, in their ability to heal, to hope, to shape the world into something better, even now, in all the turmoil.

I learnt how to walk the thin line between holding on and letting go.

Of people who are toxic, relationships that bring me down, objects I don’t need, useless clothes, fakers, lies, all that crap we surround ourselves with, but don’t actually need. Holding on? Yes. To what really matters, to what makes me happy.

I discovered the endless possibilities of listening.

To other people talk, to birds chirping, to music, to stars glowing. Listening, really, really listening takes you places.

I appreciate solitude.

Reading, doing nothing, staring out the window, summoning people with my brainwaves, no matter what I do when I’m alone, I’m okay with being alone.

Lastly,

I realized I have nothing to give but myself, so I work hard to build all my tiny universes, to be an awesome gift to those who meet me.

I understood love works even in absentia.

There’s plenty of room in my heart to make up for the distance between us.

I realized what’s left of us is what we make people feel, so I try to make them feel a lot.