You Should Pursue Great Sex With Unyielding Vigor

As part of an ongoing Thought Catalog After Dark series, we will endeavor to bring you the True Sex tales of our readers. In this installment Elsie, an administrative professional in her mid-forties, shares the epiphany she had after ending a sexless marriage. If you would like to share your real experiences, email

Describe your marriage and what led to you all parting ways.

My marriage started off like many do, it was exciting and passionate for the first few years, but then real life settles in and you find yourself in a busy rut: both of us worked and it became routine, children came along, paying bills, mortgage, etc. I would say overall it was a comfortable marriage, but my now ex-husband cheated on me twice and that’s when I decided to end it. The first time he cheated was about three years in: it was a long distance affair with a married woman he met in a chat room. I got the cell phone bill and it was $1,700 – her number was all over it. That time I was hurt, but I was younger and it didn’t hurt my self-esteem or my confidence, so I just kicked him out of the house and we separated. His second time cheating was MUCH harder on me. I was a 44-year-old housewife no longer working by his request, so his cheating broke me, destroyed my confidence and my self-worth. At that point I knew that I could not take any more disrespect and it was time to do what was best for me.

Once you were finally free from that, how did you jump back into the dating scene?

Once we were legally divorced, I gave myself a year to gather myself and then got on Craigslist. I was searching for some craft items and saw the personals, clicked on m4w, and was fascinated by the freedom with which men where looking for women. My first hookup was amazing: this guy had posted an ad for “Latina Wonderful” in the Casual Encounters section, and I liked what I read. He was clever and funny, so I replied, not really expecting a response. To my surprise he did respond, and after a few back-and-forth naughty emails I put it out there that it would be nice to have a friend with benefits. He responded with, “I would love to be your FWB!” We exchanged pictures, and we each liked what we saw so we set up a date. When the day approached, I told myself this is only your third sexual partner in life, so make it count, have fun, be sexy and enjoy the experience.

How was it?

To my surprise he was well-endowed and very knowledgeable sexually. We had amazing sex, and I was left dizzy with satisfaction. He’s a tall, Hispanic construction worker, with strong yet gentle hands, and he knew how to use his large tool. His favorite position was 69 and I had never done that before, so it was exciting! Also I’m short, so when we kissed he would cup my ass with his big hands and lift me slightly to meet his mouth better. He made me feel sexy and desirable – something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Where did things go from there – I’m assuming you saw Mr. Wonderdick for a while and then ventured out?

I did see him for a while, and we still keep in touch to this day. However I did venture out: I wanted to see what else was out there, so instead of answering ads, I started posting them. I made a sexual bucket list and would post ads to find someone to help me accomplish each item on the list. My list had items like: sex with a man at least 10 years younger; have a threesome; do a couples swap; have sex in a public place; and so on.

We want details.

For my 45th birthday I thought I would treat myself, so I posted on Craigslist for a man to come celebrate my birthday with me. This tall, dark and handsome man answered my ad – he was younger than me, and very sweet. He treated me so very well our first time together: he was so sexy, and had the confidence of youth going for him. Mind you, my ex-husband was very conservative – it was always missionary or doggy style, and I gave oral but never received it (that’s just what ‘good girls’ did). My birthday treat was the one who showed me that a woman on top is a very powerful, sexy thing.

I had also wanted to try a swap, so I asked a guy I had hooked up with a few times and he was up for it. We posted on Craigslist under the mw4mw section, this married couple responded to our ad, and we pretended to be married. The encounter started off with a simple introduction and a round of drinks, then the men encouraged us women to get things started. I sat next to the wife, and she grabbed my hand and started kissing up my arm…we started making out, then her husband came up and started kissing on me. The wife got up and went over to my pretend “husband” and starting making out with him, after which they started having sex. I still remember how loud she was: my friend later told me, “I would have to kiss her just to shut her up.” LOL, that was a hot night!

Does your life as a whole feel more complete after your sexual awakening?

Yes it does. Being sexually liberated has given me back my confidence and self-esteem, it has allowed me to be stronger and happier, and that happiness has extended to other areas of my life. Has it made me complete? I don’t know, but it has added tremendous life experience.

What’s next for Elsie – will you continue with your bucket list, or look to eventually settle down again long-term?

I’ve completed most of the items on my bucket list, but I think I will save the last few for someone special. After my marriage ended, I wanted to know what it was like to have sex with different men, of different sizes, with different scents and different tastes. I just didn’t want to be that old lady in a rocking chair thinking back to her younger days and asking, “Why didn’t I just go for it?” I know that I can’t keep this up forever: I want someone to share my life with (and not just have sex), and I think I will eventually find him. I want to be loved and cherished just like everyone else. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Larry Hardin

More From Thought Catalog