I know that it’s taken you a long time to get to this place. Honestly, you weren’t sure if it would happen. You had moments where you had a chance to jump back into love again, but the idea just felt too unmanageable. Yet slowly, you took your time to heal and figure things out for yourself. You found yourself ready to try again. So whenever you finally came across someone who made your heart beat harder and made you excited whenever they walked into a room, it was easy to become caught up in the possibility of it all.
You could see the potential, the future all laid out in something beautiful. The problem was that they told you that they just weren’t ready to be something with you. You can’t seem to understand why they aren’t seeing what you’re seeing- that even if they don’t feel “ready”, that it would be so worth it if they would take that chance on you. Take that chance with you.
I get it. When we think we are ready, and we know what we want as well as who we want, it’s hard to understand why they don’t want it, too. Especially if they tell you they want to, but they just aren’t ready.
I know it’s tempting to feel like you can be ready enough for the both of you. That you can be a steady, safe place while they sort out their issues- whether it’s feelings for someone else, past trauma, insecurity, or just uncertainty in what they want. You think you can handle it because you care about them so much, it feels like enough.
It’s not enough, though, babe.
It’s not enough because relationships require two people actively working on themselves and desiring to work together on that. If someone is saying they aren’t ready, it can mean a few things. That they aren’t ready for you, specifically. That they aren’t prepared for the kind of commitment you want. That they still have personal issues to sort out on their own before they feel comfortable sharing it with someone else. The reasons feel really important, but they all come back to the reality that they aren’t ready, and don’t see themselves being in that space for a long time.
Of course, no one will ever be fully ready for merging their heart with another person- because none of us will ever be perfect. We will never have everything in our lives in order, it will always be a little messy. It’s okay to recognize that and call out fear when we see it, with compassion.
Yet often, when someone says they aren’t ready, it’s because they know they can’t provide the type of relationship that is being asked of them. And even if they could, that doesn’t matter until they realize it themselves. You can talk to them, encourage them, and try to discuss other alternatives with them- but until they make the decision themselves, it isn’t going to change the situation.
When someone tells you they aren’t ready, you need to believe them because it will only hurt you in the long run if you don’t. It’s easy to think that if you try a little harder or bend a bit more, you can be what they need. The problem is that you no longer get what you need- someone who will love you where you are, and engage in growing together with you. You know you’re ready because you’ve put in the time and effort to get yourself here- and you know what it feels like to not be ready to let someone else in yet.
You need to believe them because they are trying to tell you the truth, even if it’s a truth you don’t want to hear. It’s better they are telling you this now, instead of stringing you along while they work through their issues. They clearly need this time to sort things out on their own, and if they already know they can’t be there for you the way you want, then I promise they are doing you a favor.
I know it’s so hard to deal with because often life feels so unsure, and we often feel unsteady in it. So when you finally feel like the pieces are coming together, it’s not easy to let that go, even if it is for the best. We try to grasp on to whatever small scraps of hope still exist and swear we can live off it. The reality is you’re not supposed to have to settle for less than what you need because you have worked so hard to get there.
In the end, if a person isn’t ready and they tell you, then you need to accept that. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them, or that things could never work out someday. But you can’t sit around holding onto hope of what could be.
You need to find someone that is not only ready but is ready for you and all the incredible love you have to give. Someone who has done the work themselves to be who they want to be, and who is excited to share that with you. Someone ready to meet you on your level and explore what that looks like with you.
I promise it will be so worth it and so wonderful, you won’t be able to believe it.