It can be easy sometimes to think that being single is a scary place to be, but for some of us, the idea of falling in love with someone can be much more bone-chilling. Because truthfully, love can be daunting. It can feel huge and all consuming and overwhelming, because it’s no small thing. When you’re single, you tend to look out for yourself and live life on your terms- as well you should. It’s a time to seize life and make the most of it, and do the things you want to do without having to really consider how it affects another person directly. So sometimes, the idea of love, it can feel suffocating. Even terrifying.

Because this has been your life. You haven’t needed someone else, and you have become accustomed to that- heck, you honestly have enjoyed it. Love feels like the thing that can put a cap on all your plans, or hold you back from chasing your dreams.

And outside of that, love is work. It’s taking into account another person. It’s making room for them inside this life you’ve been building, that up until now just needed enough space for your own silhouette. You trust yourself, and letting someone else in is beyond risky. You know that falling in love could potentially lead to heartbreak, could lead to a shattered you on the ground that you would have to rebuild- and honestly, that thought is insanely terrifying, isn’t it? That right now, you are whole, you are strong, you have been healing from past hurts and are running wild and free.

So let me tell you, stay single until you meet someone who makes the idea of love not feel terrifying.

Don’t pick someone just because everyone else has someone. Don’t believe the lie that because of your age, or timing, or opportunity that you must leave your single life for a person whose presence can’t quiet your soul or who makes love look like something you want to run away from. Don’t settle for a person who doesn’t make you feel safe in the concept of loving them. Wait until you meet someone who when you go on that date with them, and you have the realization that this could lead somewhere, that it doesn’t feel scary. That even though it’s called “falling in love” you don’t have anxiety worrying that this love is going to hinder your life or leave you in pieces.

Because you know this love may change your life, but it’s also going to enrich it as well.

Your life may not be the same as it has been, but you aren’t scared of the change—you want to embrace it. You want to take on this life with them- you don’t mind to make room for them, to let them into your world. You are excited to grab their hand and show it to them- even the dark places that not too many ever get the chance to see. You aren’t worried, because you know being with them that they are safe place. They aren’t judging you for your past mistakes, or criticizing your dreams and ambitions. They aren’t standing by the door with one foot out, waiting for you to screw up so they can disappear in a cloud of smoke. They are standing by your side, hand in hand with you, ready to take on whatever may come your way.

You know that they are here to stay and build something with you, even if it doesn’t last forever. It doesn’t scare you to think of how it all could end, but you are filled with excitement about what will happen while you are with them.

The idea of loving them doesn’t riddle you with doubts and panic, like the way you have viewed it in the past. It fills you with peace, not because they are perfect or because you know for certain it will last forever and always, but because you just know that this love will be worth it, no matter how it plays out. Even if you’ve been hurt before, they make you want to give it another shot- they make you excited to give it another shot, because something tells you that this is going to be a different kind of thing.

So don’t settle for someone that doesn’t make you feel safe, or even excited, about giving love another chance. You should keep living life on your own until you find the person that makes love feel less terrifying and more exhilarating.