There it is again.
You see it, sitting there on your night stand or laying next to you on your pillow. That familiar glow of your cellphone, lighting up with a new notification. You check it and sure enough, it’s him. You open up the app, click on his name, and for 5 seconds, you see that face that sends your heart racing and makes you weak in the knees. The caption is something along the lines of “you up?” or maybe if you’re one of the luckier ones, you’ll get something a little sweeter; maybe even a “hello beautiful” if it’s a really good night.
Yet just like that, it disappears. No way to bring it back; now those pixels are gone, and you have to decide if you’re going to respond.
Because by now, you know how it goes. You’ll banter back and forth: he’ll flirt with you unashamedly and without restraint. He’ll tell you how sexy you are, how he wishes he could be with you right now, and how attractive he finds you to be. You can’t help but blush from all the flattery- who doesn’t like to be told nice things, especially from those we are interested in? Compliments may only be words, but man. They do wonders for your self-esteem, don’t they?
That is…until the next morning. You wake up, glance at your phone, and there are no new notifications. You may smile and take a moment to reflect on the previous night’s conversation. Yet clicking over to his name, there is no proof of it. All the compliments, infectious smiles, and sweet nothings have vanished into…well, nothing. There is no recollection that the moments you shared with him even happened in the first place, except in your own memory.
You know this pattern, because it happens all the time.
What doesn’t happen, though, is any other attempts at communication. He never texts you to see how you are. He doesn’t make plans to take you out, or even come over and watch a movie at his place. Honestly, he doesn’t really acknowledge you at all. Even if you do happen to see him face to face, he just keeps things short and leaves it at that and it feels like a blow to your stomach every single time. You almost feel crazy, because things seem to go so well when you are conversing over chat boxes and flirting through filters. You could swear you have some sort of connection, that there has to be a reason why he still reaches out to you so early in mornings when the rest of the world is quiet and inhibitions are lowered.
Yet darling, you deserve so much more than someone who only Snapchats you at 1 am.
You deserve more than flirty one-liners and objective statements about how attractive your body is. Attention is nice and flattery is something we all adore, even if we don’t like to admit it. Yet if the only time he is reaching out is through an app that deletes all traces of your conversations, while making zero effort to get to know you outside of it, then it’s time to set the phone down and not play into his game.
I can’t give you the answers on why he reaches out when he doesn’t follow through in any other way. I can’t explain what is going on in his mind or what goal he hopes to accomplish. But don’t you see? It doesn’t even matter. Because the truth is not in what he is doing, but what he is not doing. He’s not trying to win your affection. He’s not trying to get to know you on a personal level. He’s not trying to establish a meaningful connection with you. He’s just a boy trying to pass the time or fill a void that is filled with loneliness with someone he knows will respond- you.
And you deserve so much more than that, sweet girl.
You deserve someone who texts you at 3 pm to see how your day is going. Someone who takes you to dinner at 7 to talk about the things you want to accomplish in your life. Someone who is laying beside you at 10 pm discussing all the crazy thoughts that run through your head. Someone who wants to know as much about you as you want to tell them, and puts in a serious effort to do just that. You deserve more than smirks in photographs that vanish and vague flattery that excites you for a few fleeting seconds only to crush you later on. More than someone who makes promises at midnight but makes you feel worthless the next morning.
You deserve someone who wants you when the sun is up, just as much as when it’s nowhere to be seen. Who doesn’t just want to cause the smile on your face or the color in your cheeks every once in awhile, but every single day- any time of the day.
So please, don’t respond. Don’t play into the game that you’ve played for far too long. Don’t spend another second on someone who only chooses to give you 10 seconds at a time. You are much to good for that, and it’s about time you let him realize that.
It’s about time you realized it, too.