Thought Catalog

Date The Guy Who Puts In ‘Too Much Effort’

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Twenty20 / sabrinafvholder
Twenty20 / sabrinafvholder

We became a generation who tries to do the most things with the least amount of effort. What once were plans to meet up with people and have real conversations turned into Facebook messages saying “Wow ur hot.”

Receiving flowers became receiving likes on Instagram — or if you’re lucky, becoming someone’s “#WCW.” We have access to most of the world’s information and rather than use it to do more and fuel creative ways to show our affections, we use it to put forth as little amount of labor as possible. In addition to a lazy collection of individuals, we are a stubborn bunch as well. We know we hold a ton of knowledge, yet rather than admit we’ve used it selfishly, we decided to shine an unflattering light onto the ones who put in effort. We told them they try too hard and feel too much. That they are overbearing and unrealistic. We made them relationships pariahs and threw our own parade boasting swipe right and friends with benefits (well, a parade requires too much planning…maybe we just waved a banner instead.)

As a result, we flirt through emojis, we exchange selfies on Snapchat, occasionally fall into a bed or two without a real commitment, and call it normal.

This is not normal.

We are afraid of the ones who do too much. Afraid of the guys who tell you how they feel, straight forward. The ones who text you right back when you send a good afternoon text. The ones who have no issue holding your hand on crowded sidewalks and call you beautiful when you feel anything but. They seem overwhelming and maybe even emotional – terrifying and unusual. Our current dating culture tells that someone who invests their time looks like the one who texts you every two minutes if you don’t text them back. The one who get irrationally upset if you don’t respond right away to their “acts of kindness.” The one who cries or screams if they don’t hear the “I love you too” response when they declare their passion. Effort means overbearing.

So when someone walks into our lives that is straight-forward, that compliments every day, that wants to make an official title for whatever you two have, it seems too much. It seems abnormal and strange because we want to keep them arms length and have multiple shallow relationships than a more meaningful deep one. We are told to avoid the ones who feel too much because they will attach themselves like a leech and drain you of all your emotional energy. They will try to fill up every slot of your time and never give you your space. That they will say “I love you” the first day and try to force you into feeling things you aren’t ready for.

You’ve got it all wrong.

It is not weird if a guy wants to text you every single day. It is not weird if a guy wants to take you out on dates and spend time with you. It is not weird if a guy wants to be in an established relationship with you. What is weird is telling a person they are weird for having feelings.

What is weird is being afraid of guys who make an effort, not because they want a confidence boost or another notch in their belt, but because they genuinely care about you. Guys who try are not always ones who try to suck away your independence and glue themselves to your side. They are ones who see that you’re someone worth talking to and worth spending time with. They find you attractive and interesting – Ïthey want to get to know you even better. When someone wants this, and goes out of their way to show it, we shouldn’t call it weird.

So give the guy who makes the effort a chance. I promise if you do, you’ll find it is much more normal than you expected. TC mark

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