Because The Heart Will Always Want What It Wants

I know that not many people believe in second chances. Some people don’t believe in chances at all. But I do.

Love is all about chance.

I had the chance to know him and so I did. That first time I saw him in the hallway staring at me; I started to choose him. That first night we talked for hours about nothing and everything all at once; I chose him. That first fight we had, I thought I might lose him right then; I chose him.

I kept choosing him over and over again after that. Remember when we were young when they said that love is not complicated but so easy that it complicates things?

It’s true.

Love is all about our choices. Love is letting go when you have to. Love is choosing another’s happiness even when it hurts. Love is trying to smile away the pain because you know you just can’t force things to be.

I had the chance to love him and so I did. I loved him on our best days. I loved him on our worst days. And he loved me and it seemed like he was the only person who understand me.

Even when he stopped choosing me, until then it’s still him that I chose. I chose his happiness.

I chose him when he didn’t want me.

I chose him when I wasn’t good enough to make him stay.

I chose him when all he ever wanted was for me to love myself more.

And I know this is bullshit, it is, but sometimes love has to leave.

Sometimes love is just there to help you realize your worth. Sometimes love is just there to prove to you that there are things you should still be thankful for even when it ended the way you didn’t expect.

I had the chance to forget about him, but I couldn’t. He is the lesson I intend to keep close to my heart. He was my beautiful mistake.

So that night he came back, fighting his way back into my life. I chose him.

It wasn’t easy. It took me a long time to comprehend with how much time has passed and how much daydreams I had waiting for this moment to actually happen because I didn’t think it would.

I already conditioned my heart to let him go.

But I still chose him and you may not understand this; I am not a saint. I am not a martyr. And most of all I am not stupid. But I’d rather be called one of those things than to lie to myself that he is not what I want anymore.

I had the chance to deny him my love, but I didn’t.

Because I know exactly how it feels and believe me, losing him again is even worse.