Dating market can be very mysterious because, to say it gently, we’re all screwed up royally somehow, sometime, someplace.
We’re walking around with tons of emotional baggage unpacking it slowly in the front of the others.
I meet so many fantastic souls that are about to get their love dreams dashed and illusions shattered into pieces because not all relationships are destined to have long and prosperous lives.
Themes are overlapping throughout the relationships, and I’ve seen that deep down, behind every cultural difference, value, birthplace, and current state, we deal with the same problem.
Timing is everything.
It is one of the Gods that knows whether or not a relationship has a chance to last. In reality, you either thank, hate or blame the timing.
It is challenging to build a long lasting relationship if mental places where you and your potential partner stand are far away from each other. Two people coming together have their own inner clock ticking faster or slower determining what they think, how they feel and what they want the next couple years to look like.
If one is mentally mature to commit to an everlasting relationship, he/she will behave accordingly. If he isn’t, he will act like he isn’t.
None of them are wrong.
It’s just that you’re heading East while he is leading South. In such instance, it’s going to take some time to arrive at the same destination, if ever.
It doesn’t mean that relationship won’t be able to form as in life there are always exceptions and second chances. However, we count those along one’s fingers.
Maybe you got out of a serious relationship. If so, you aren’t in a state to commit straight away either. You feel bit sore, or even foreign in the land of dating. And that’s Okay.
You need time.
You may go on dates, but even then, you aren’t going to be the most live, energized, and vibrant yourself.
The guy, on the other hand, perhaps been single for a year and is looking for a serious girlfriend. Timing is mismatched again.
It’s logical to feel lost in your mind, heart and often streets after a breakup.
You may not sign up for a trip to a frozen section picking up your favorite ice cream. Instead, you give up carbs and decide to move on.
It’s no secret, many of us turn to the most convenient medicine of the time, some trending dating app promising an exciting life and keeping our ego high.
As you get out there, they bombard you with questions that sound more like job interviews but with cocktails. Towards the end of the night, one would ask: “ So what is that you’re looking for?”
You keep blinking your eyes, re-adjusting core, taking another sip of Pinot Grigio while trying to win time to come up with a valid answer.
“What am I looking for?”
You repeat the question and clear your throat. The deeper you look into their eyes, the less you know.
Here you are, with a perfect looking date that seems to put a firing gun straight to your forehead. You don’t know what to say. You don’t even know how to answer this question to yourself.
You’ve got a perfect excuse: You’re new to dating slowly dipping toes in fresh waters.
Deep down you know you aren’t ready for anything serious. This is an honest moment revealing the ultimate truth: it’s going to take some time until you’re ready to date again.
Maybe you can relate.
There are seasons in life that aren’t about finding yet another relationship. There are seasons where we are given an opportunity to know ourselves better. Getting clear on what is that we want.
The truth is, any person that could have tried to get close to you in a season that wasn’t for love, had no real chance to do so because emotionally you were unavailable.
And there is so many of us.
I’ve been on both sides and therefore with no second of doubt know that timing is one of the most crucial things in life. Timing decides whether or not your potential date can have the future.
I don’t believe in saying that you never meet right people at a wrong time. However, I know that if two people are meant to be together, they will meet again at the time when it will feel right.
As I look at the parade of failed relationships, I realized that we should be honest to ourselves and others expressing our seasons of life and not being scared to be rejected, judged, or misunderstood.
And as one season will end, there will always be the next.
So in closing, I’d like to wish that you too meet someone who isn’t plastering you like a band-aid over the fresh wounds but instead is ready to walk with you to the moon and back while holding on to this season of love.