1. When you first meet people, they often think you’re mean. But really, you’re just trying to connect. Sarcasm is how you show love.
2. And people are always asking if you like them, because they just can’t tell with you.
3. First dates are painful experiences because you’re trying to be yourself but you’re also trying to not look like a complete asshole.
4. You’re pretty sure the day is coming when you will be bitch-slapped for saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.
5. You just don’t understand how people get excited by the most basic things.
6. When you are excited, your face usually doesn’t show it. You’re just like, “Yeah, this is great” with no emotions expressed whatsoever so people don’t know if you actually mean it.
7. When you give people compliments and they think you’re making fun of them. I really do love your skirt…where did you get it?
8. If the people you’re around don’t understand your sense of humor, you’re going to be doing a lot of laughing by yourself.
9. You’ll never admit that you deal with bad emotions through sarcasm rather than just simply admitting that you’re hurt.
10. Sometimes you cover up the mean but honest things you really want to say with sarcasm. But as you know too well, “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise they will kill you.”
11. Your texting game often goes like this:
“[Sarcastic comment made here]”
“Hey, you know I was just kidding right?”
“Dude I’m really sorry if I just pissed you off.”
“Oh never mind, you said your phone was about to die. Just ignore the above.”
12. You constantly have to remind yourself to not be yourself around older people/people’s parents, lest they brand you a rude wench.
13. Being around emotional and sensitive people is an exercise in patience. (That you would just rather not practice.)
14. Pretending to be interested in things and people that you’re not interested in just isn’t happening. Your face will give you away every time.
15. Being around fellow relentlessly sarcastic people and annoying the crap out of everyone. Because nobody has a clue what you’re really talking about or what your feelings really are about anything.
16. A lot of the time even when you are being really sincere, people think you’re being sarcastic. And it makes you sad. Well, not really. Sort of. Maybe.
17. Sometimes you’re not even sure if what you said was meant sarcastically or sincerely. Talk about trippy.