1. You legitimately think that you might have forgotten how to kiss. And you’re almost starting to convince yourself that kissing is overrated anyway.
2. You’ve started getting irrationally snappy at any and all PDA that happens around you. Even the cute little old couples holding hands are pissing you off these days. You just don’t have patience for it anymore.
3. It takes you a really long time to remember the last time you went out on a date. And when you do remember it, you almost feel like crying because the leaves have changed so many times since then. The leaves are getting more action than you.
4. You almost cried when you were getting a manicure because somebody was actually holding your hand. It’s been a while since somebody held your hand and the whole experience was just so emotional.
5. Your apartment has become a pigsty and you honestly have no desire to clean it because you figure that no one but you and your close friends (who have accepted your situation for what it is) is going to see it anyway.
6. Your idea of going out has become you and your favorite bottle of liquor just hanging out on your couch. Sometimes there is laughter and sometimes there are tears – lots of tears.
7. The only reason you haven’t put on weight is because of your grotesque laziness which sometimes means you’d rather go to bed hungry than even hit that Seamless app.
8. Speaking of Seamless, it’s become really embarrassing how frequently you order from your favorite delivery place to the point where the delivery guy (or gal) doesn’t even give you pity looks anymore.
9. You no longer want to sit through rom-coms because even watching other people be fictionally happy in love has become such a nightmare. And every time you see trailers for rom-coms you legitimately start yelling at your screen.
10. You have intentionally stopped spending time with your coupled friends unless they will be by themselves. In fact, when they ask you to meet up your first question is always whether their significant other will be there.
11. Every time “Single Ladies” or some song that is telling you to be fierce and single comes on, you start cursing out loud at the stupidity of such songs. And if anybody ever insists that you remotely sing or dance to the song, they face your wrath.
12. You used to get wedding invites with +1’s. Your friends no longer even bother with it. If they could, they’d send a note with the invitation that says, “Dude everyone knows you’re not with anyone, just come and rage at the wedding reception. You don’t even need to come to the actual wedding if you don’t want to.”
13. You get way too eager when someone you like remotely shows any interest. And then you end up scaring them with all your attempts to make something happen because you come across as desperate. And then you cry about it like it was a real relationship and you just got dumped.
14. When you’re sick and you really need someone to help you out/get medicine/take care of you so you start thumbing through your contacts but realize you don’t have anyone. (And you don’t want to call your friends again.)
15. You’ve stopped trying to “look nice” because you can. You go the store in PJs, you roll into work with the same shirt two days in a row. You just don’t care anymore. And sure you could do all those things for yourself but whatever, you want to do it for someone else.
16. You don’t even get mad at the question, “Why are you single?” anymore. You just give blank stares until the person gets super uncomfortable and walks away. You’re not going to attempt to answer one of the mysteries of life anymore.
17. You’re genuinely considering letting your parents set you up with someone. Even though at this point, your parents have stopped wondering about your love life. Instead they ask you about your dog. Even if you don’t have a dog.