19 Ways To Be A Likeable Woman

1. You must be an “appropriate size,” you know, perfectly slender but not “too thin.” Have curves, “perfectly”-sized boobs – not too big or too little, and of course have some semblance of a booty.

2. Have “natural,” conventional beauty but if you don’t, “exotic” beauty should suffice in many circles.

3. Be White. If you’re “unfortunately” not born White, try to be as close to White as possible in appearance. Also, be socially acceptable to dominant White culture in all contexts. Never bring-up “uncomfortable topics” like racism, because you know, that’s not nice. Besides, don’t you know racism affects everybody equally? Don’t see race, be color-blind.

4. Don’t have a strong opinion on anything and if you do, always be able to change it in an instant.

5. Have a lady’s cocktail or a glass of wine but only one, promise?

6. Have a smile ready for the world at all times.

7. Seldom ever curse but if you do, make sure that people know that it rarely ever happens and have a “lady-like” touch to it as well.

8. When you’re around a group of men, always be pleasant and make sure they know how much more important their right to free speech is than yours.

9. Speaking of being around men, be sure to find ways to slip-in, “not being like other girls.” And maybe even constantly talk about how much you eat, and how much you don’t care about your weight.

10. When you’re around a group of women, “never cause drama” by saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Pretend, pretend, pretend!

11. If you’re in a conservative setting, be a conservative; if you’re in a liberal setting, be a liberal. Whatever you do, never be an individual to the contrary of those around you. It’s rude.

12. Be “open-minded” but only insofar as you agree with the views that are considered open-minded in your circles.

13. Have a sense of humor but only the kind that other people demand that you have.

14. Cook, and talk about how much you love cooking not because you actually do. But because you know how much it impresses everyone that you can do something that has been necessary for survival since the beginning of time.

15. Have the exact right amount of confidence that you think people around you want. Nobody likes a girl without confidence but nobody likes a girl with “too much” either, lest you intimidate people.

16. Speaking of being intimidating, don’t be too intelligent or too ambitious or too cut-throat, and always be willing to give it all up for a prince charming. Even if nobody ever demands that prince charming do the same.

17. Remember your most important words to live by are, “Women should be seen, not heard!”

18. Apologize for everything about who you are as often as possible.

19. Always worry what other people are thinking about you and try to live-up to that.