1. You’re legitimately extremely busy and don’t plan on making time for just anyone. You’ve got a full-time job, a side hustle, and are currently working on putting plans together for the next big digital non-profit to eradicate world poverty. When you look at your schedule each day, you’ve got 5 hours of “me time” and by “me time” you mean sleep. So whoever disrupts your extremely busy life will simply have to be a very special somebody. Till then, a life of fulfilled busyness it is.
2. You have an unexplained but strong dislike for everyone within your “dating market/pool.” Whether you find them immature or you’ve decided you’re too immature, all people who you could potentially be interested in lose their appeal after about 15 seconds.
3. You simply just hate everyone. (Not just people in your dating market.) And until you and your therapist uncover the core of this, you’ve decided it’s best you stay away from romance and most of humanity in general.
4. You’re in graduate school and have come to the conclusion that the only way you’re going to be the next Michel Foucault or bell hooks is to completely dedicate your entire existence to your field of study. You see no dating prospects, all you see are PhDs and future students quoting you. And honestly, you’re okay with that right now.
5. Your life is messy and not just in the usual way everyone else’s is. You just can’t figure out what you want in anything — professionally, personally, and otherwise. This is more than commitment issues, you flat out don’t have a grip on anything. And until you do, you don’t want anyone else to be caught up in your mess.
6. You’ve become a little bit gross and by a little bit I mean a lot. Your apartment looks like Godzilla threw up all over it. As for your personal hygiene, well, you’ve just given up on it altogether. Getting back to dating and seeking a relationship will also mean having to get back to doing things like washing dishes and taking regular showers. And that is just not a sacrifice you’re willing to make right now.
7. You’ve seen this cycle way too often: friend starts dating, friend falls in love, you never see friend again. The end. Sure it doesn’t happen to all your friends but it sure as hell looks like the rule, not the exception. You don’t want this to happen to you so you’re not going down this way without a fight! If relationships parallel moving to the burbs, you are going to chain yourself to the tallest building in your city.
8. You’re content with the single life, dare you say it, extremely happy. You really enjoy the freedom to do whatever you want to do without considering someone else. You want to move to Timbuktu tomorrow? Well, all you have to do is quit your job and say goodbye to your family and friends and do it. It’s not that you’re necessarily going to do this, it’s that you like the feeling of knowing that you easily could if you wanted to.
9. There is just so much Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Instant to watch and unless the pizza delivery guy or girl plans on asking you out, it’s going to be #PajamasOverPeople until further notice.