16 Things To Know Before Dating An INFJ

Out of 16 different personality types INFJs make the rarest combination of people to exist, which means they’re often misunderstood and dating them can be a challenging adventure. They have the greatest capacity for love and empathy within a relationship but their tendency to be extremely gullible and idealistic can create problems. Here are some things to be mindful of when dating this personality type.

1. If you’re looking for a temporary romance with them they likely won’t even bother. INFJs prefer long, lasting relationships and avoid short-term relationships if they can. Casual dating and FWB situations just don’t give them the type of deep connection they need to feel fulfilled.

2. They sometimes forget to take care of themselves. INFJs have a habit of taking care of everyone else around them before they take care of themselves. While this sounds sweet and selfless the problem comes when they realize they’ve overextended themselves so much they end up exhausted and needing to shut everyone else out. Don’t take offense to this. They won’t forget about you. INFJs just need a bit of time to recharge and refocus.

3. They’ll always be thinking about what your next fun date should be. INFJ’s are highly idealistic and will always dream big when it comes to your relationship. They always have in the back of their mind your favorite activities, places to go, and preferences when making plans. Although they can enjoy social, more adventurous dates, an ideal date for INFJs are places where you two can spend time one-on-one.

4. Someone who puts a lot of emphasis on labels, designers, or money is immediately off putting. The most attractive person to an INFJ is someone that isn’t materialistic and all about wealth. While big gestures are nice and appreciated, INFJs find happiness in the simple details in life and get just as much out of sitting with you and hearing your stories over coffee than doing anything else.

5. INFJs can be loyal to a fault but this doesn’t mean it’s an opportunity to take advantage of them. They’re able to see the best in people. Even if they recognize a relationship is failing they have a hard time detaching themselves from their significant other. They want to believe in their partner so much, often at the risk of sacrificing their own happiness and comfort.

6. INFJs can be very strange people. This isn’t to say that this is a bad thing, but when you’re one of the rarest personality types chances are there’s going to be naturally something a bit unusual going on. INFJs are very complex and at times even their own complexity can confuse them. They’re aware they’re odd and because of their own self-awareness they always feel misunderstood. Feeling like another person truly ‘gets them’ is a very rare thing for them to experience.

7. They’ll always be able to pick up on when you’re lying or being deceptive. INFJs have an acute sensitivity for when stories just don’t seem to add up and omitting the facts is just as bad as lying to them.

8. INFJs love helping people, especially the person they’re dating. Seriously, it’s one of the things in life that gives them great pleasure. If you’re extremely independent or the type to shy away from receiving help from the person you’re dating you might run into some problems with an INFJ. They see their help, care, and generosity as a way to express their love.

9. Sometimes it can be hard for them to open up. Although INFJs are outwardly warm and engaging they often struggle with the ability to be as open and less guarded as other personality types. They don’t reveal as much about themselves as fast their partner does because they don’t want to invest in someone else they feel could possibly disappear overnight.

10. They typically don’t enjoy PDA. When out in public or at a gathering or party the the most appreciated form of affection is a subtle touch once in awhile to let them know you’re there.

11. Don’t ever pressure them to make more friends or socialize more. INFJs are more interested in having a few solid relationships with people they can truly connect with and be themselves around over dozens of acquaintances with connections that only scratch the surface.

12. They’re extremely future oriented, especially in relationships. They’re always thinking about long-term possibilities in life whether it’s the starting of a new relationship or the longevity of a project. If an INFJ isn’t able to see you as a long-term partner they likely aren’t going to keep pursing you.

13. INFJs can be easily affected by the energy around them, including yours. They need strong partners to be in a truly healthy and fulfilling relationship for them. If their significant other is unstable or constantly has a lot of conflict going on this can completely drain them.

14. They will very rarely initiate anything. INFJs prefer when other people make the initial contact when it comes to dating. Asking for a number, making plans for a first date – these things will have to be done by you. An INFJ takes careful note of who shows interest and whether the energy they put into someone else is reciprocated or not.

15. If it seems like they’re off in another world, it’s probably because they are. INFJs are great at building rich inner lives and daydreaming allows them to live out their fantasies.

16. They’ll always be down to listen to what you have to say. Listening and communicating are INFJs bread and butter. Whether you’re having a bad day at work and need to vent or you just want to talk late into the night about anything and everything an INFJ will contently sit and listen to what’s on your mind.

About the author

Koty Neelis

Former senior staff writer and producer at Thought Catalog.